What would you do if your husband wanted you to do something you weren't comfortable with?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs and have a great relationship, but we always argue over a certain issue regarding our sex life. I think we have a good sex life (2 to 3 times per week on average), and typically we are both satisfied with sex. However, there is this one thing that he wants me to do that I am just NOT comfortable doing (and I'm not going to go into exactly what it is--but I will say that I am sexually adventurous, and usually open to anything, but this). We have talked about it, and he knows I'm uncomfortable with it, and things will be good for a while, but then he'll ask me to do it again. This thing makes me feel very uncomfortable and turned off, but he feels as though I should do anything he wants me to do if I love him enough. I don't know what to do...stay strong and refuse to do this thing that makes me so uncomfortable and turned off or give in and do it despite how much I hate it just because he wants me to? *serious answers only please*

No, this is not about "butt sex"... It is too hard to explain exactly what it is. I have done this thing before a few times and I just feel very uncomfortable and worst of all, it turns me off...so in turn he starts to turn me off and the entire sexual encounter is ruined and usually a HUGE fights follows...

Answer 1

If he is pushing it once he realizes you don't want to do it, he is being totally not respectful of you - and you need to talk with him outside of the bedroom about this. He might have just had the idea that you needed to get "used to" the idea, or something - his ego might be in the way. Talk about it with him again, say you never want it mentioned again, or for him to suggest it again. Don't cave. Be a strong woman. --- and you see, we didn't even need to know what it was, because that part doesn't matter at all. Not at all.

Answer 2

This is really tough. On the one hand, he is your husband, and you want to please him. But on the other hand, it is unacceptable for him to continue to ask you to do something that you do not enjoy. It is selfish of him to want you to submit to him by doing something that you find disgusting or degrading.

But, at the end of the day... he is still your husband. Perhaps you could compromise? How comfortable are you with having a more open sexual relationship? Maybe you guys (as a couple) could get a "girlfriend" for your husband to do this thing that you despise? I'm sure there has to be someone out there that would enjoy it... everyone has a different "fetish". That way, when he wants it... you can call your girlfriend up. And when he doesn't, then everything is fine and normal. You don't have to submit to him any more, and he can stop haggling you about it. Just be prepared... sometimes these situations only get worse. You don't want him to seek his sexual gratification else where... and I'm sure you love him dearly (which is why you're so concerned). But, when men don't get what they want at home, they find it somewhere else. Hence my "girlfriend" suggestion... because at least then, you know the other person he's sleeping with (or doing whatever this thing is that you hate), and at least you're still somewhat in control (ie. he only does this thing with the other person while you're in the same room, or same house but not watching, etc.).

Good luck with whatever you decide to do... you have my best wishes, and I hope it all works out for you! Dang this is a tough situation! :(

Answer 3

If it is totally uncomfortable for u then u should stick with your convictions and just say no and your husband has to respect that. The purpose of having sex is for the enjoyment of both couples and if u are forced into doing something u don't like doing then it defeats the purpose of the whole sexual experience as only one partner is enjoying himself while the other isn't.

Answer 4

I think I have a pretty good idea of what he wants you to do so I say stay stong and refuse. It's not a matter of loving him enough, it's a matter of what you're comfortable with. Ask him how can he get enjoyment out of something if you clearly aren't enjoying it?

Answer 5

I have a pretty good idea what your talking about and I dont do that either for anyone !! gross, stick to your guns tell him if he loves you as much as he says he does he woldn't keep asking you to do something you are uncomfortable with. Good Luck !!

Answer 6

If he really loves you, he should definitely concern how you feel and not forcing you to do it. I think you need to be firm and tell him that it makes you very uncomfortable just thinking that he may ask you to do it. You need to talk it over seriously for a conclusion. Either he will not even trying to ask you to do it again, or you need to think it over whether you will tolerate if he ask again or you will leave him period.

Answer 7

Don't just say no. Tell him how strongly you feel about it and how bad it makes you feel when he pressures you about it.
Sometimes guys can be so freaking dense.
Don't do it. It'll make you feel bad afterwards if you are uncomfortable, and that is not going to help your relationship.
Good luck.

Answer 8

aw girl, he should be ashamed of his self for even thinking about asking you to do something he already knows you dont like! wow....Not much respect there on his part. No i wouldnt do it either, i wouldnt care how mad he got, that is so disrespectful towards you, stand your ground! If he keeps on, he'll finally get the picture when you dont put out anymore, then when he ask why, you tell him!

Answer 9

Have a serious sit down talk with him, at a time you are not in the middle of things, and tell him you need him to respect your wishes.

Answer 10

That is a very hard situation, I really think it is selfish of him not listening to what you are comfortable with, I think there is no way he can or should force you to do something, you should do it voluntarly, not forced. Is there any possible ways you can find a different way to please him, that you both will be comfortable with?
Good luck to you.