i already posted my question but it seems like i miss spelled a lot of things...... once again this is my problem, i told my parents that i want to marry my boyfriend and they dont agree. the thing is that he is in north carolina and im in oregon. im 20 yrs old. they think if i leave with him it means im offering my sellf to him and that im a b&%$@.. what should i do???
2006-10-20 14:50:07 · 16 answers · asked by erika d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wow,
Are you sure you're twenty? No offence, but you don't seem to be acting like it. Why would you let your parents control you like that? Take what they say as honest, caring advice and compare it to how you really feel and then do what you think is best.
Are you going to be letting them affect your decision making when you are 30? 40? I mean, cmon, we all have to grow up at some point, and how will you ever learn to make your own decisions if you never get a chance to make any? Right or wrong?
2006-10-20 14:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by iswd1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmm. If you are 20, legally you are old enough to do what you want.
However, some things to think about:
How old is he? Sometimes older guys go for younger women so they can control them.
Why is he in North Carolina? Is this an internet romance where you have not actually spent time with him? If so, DO NOT marry him until you have a chance to know the real him. It is easy to pretend to be someone you are not on the computer.
Are you still in college? Does he want you to go to/finish college? You should and if he is against it, DO NOT marry him!
Are you pregnant? Not a judgement! But, do not marry him just because you are (IF you are). A baby can be many wonderful things, but it is not the way to build a marriage.
Why don't your parents like him? They are older and wiser and may know or sense things that, at 20 and in love, you will not see.
Does he treat you badly? Does he treat them badly? A man who disrespects you or those you love may turn into an abuser.
Finally, will this cause a break with your parents?
If it will, is it worth it? Can you see the rest of your life without them? BE SURE. In a perfect world, parents would stand by us no matter what, and I hope your parents would for you, but WHAT IF they don't. Is he worth it?
Yes, legally 20 is old enough to make your own decisions, but your question sounds like you respect your parents opinion. Or maybe somewhere, deep down, you have doubts, too, and it scares you that they might be right.
Know this: Parents will always love you (they may not like your choices, but they will always love you). In a perfect world, this man will always love you, too. Do you believe he will?
If you answer these questions with your head (and your heart), you will know what you need to do.
Just asking the question makes me believe you think your folks are probably right to doubt him.
Blessed be,
Gypsy
2006-10-20 22:06:58 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old is he? does he have a job? is he supporting himself? living with his parents?
I would like to hear the other side of this story.
Do you say "if I leave with him" because he is visiting you now and wants to take you home? if so I agree with your parents, you shouldn't go anywhere with him if the answer to any of the above questions is no. He needs to marry you before you do anything.
Also - you are an adult. If you and he make the decision to get married and leave, then it's your decision. You will, however, have to live with the consquenses of your rift with your parents.
Because you are asking this question here raises a whole bunch of other questions as well. How close are you and your parents? Why at age 20 are you living with them? Do you have a job? are you in school? etc etc.
2006-10-20 21:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you are twenty years old... if you want to go to where he at go!!!!! your parents aready raised you.. now is your turn to proof your self to them..Hey you didnt even had to tell them you went up there to be with your man.. just go and see if it happend and if not oh well he aint the only fish in the sea... you are an adult you dont have to consult your parents for every desision you make. Trust your self the secret is to know when to get out of a bad situation if you can do that,then you are set up for life... go on with your man and give it a try..some people still living way in the oldest days when a man had to cross rivers for a woman now and days a woman could be the bread winner and the man a house man and its all good if it work out.. do your thing good luck.
2006-10-20 22:08:12 · answer #4 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) do you know this man personally, and if so, for how long?(if it's just an internet thing don't bother)
2)Is he coming to get you, or are you going to meet him( a gentleman would pick a woman up, even in these times)
3) Are you"secure" enough so that if anything"bad" was to happen, you can get out of the relationship safely, and do you have a plan in place(know who to go to where ever you are at)
at 20, you are considered an Adult. If you are honestly sure that this is a good thing go for it. Just make sure you feel"right" about it
2006-10-20 21:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by ralahinn1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really sit down with yourself and realize what it is you really want. Marriage is a committment for life and make sure that this person is the one you want to be with until you die. Your parents may see something that you may not be thinking of. If you honestly feel that you can be that far away from your parents and be happy then go for it. I do think that you really need to think about what it is that you HONESTLY want and then act on it.
2006-10-20 21:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by dmoss2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of what you want to do. Talk to parents/ bf. You might be a little young: i married at age 25, had a child at 26. Just wait a little and see waht happens
2006-10-20 21:54:45 · answer #7 · answered by Manda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe get married in oregon and stay there around your parents for awhile and once they are comfortable with that then move to n. carolina, if he is any kind of man, he will do this for you if what your parents think is important to you
2006-10-20 21:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by mysticalfairygoddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE 20.....I am a parent of a 18 yr old son.I'll tell u this.You are an adult now and you need to make your own choices in life.Your parents have no right in calling u names. They are not living your life.YOU ARE.. So u need to live it and stop trying to please everyone but yourself.Sweetheart you will never beable to please everyone in your life time. You need to please yourself and the man u love. If they can't except your choices in life then guess what? They are the ones that will miss out...I wish you and your boyfriend all the luck.I would tell my son the same thing I just told you,
2006-10-20 22:00:30 · answer #9 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you fell like you want to spend the rest of your life with him go for it. Maybe you should put it on hold just tell your parents that youll get married in a year to help you make the important discition.
2006-10-20 21:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by sportychick4824 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋