We fight everyday. It hasn't gotten phsical yet, but he did bump into me afer a fight this week. I told him this was unacceptable and to apologize (later that day). He is verbally abusive and disrespects me infront of people. I think he puts me down to make him feel good about himself. We've to sessions before, and things were good for a while. I think he doesn't want to go now because he will be told that he is wrong. It doesn't matter when I tell him, but for someone else to tell him.. I don't know. He wont like it. Why doesn't he want to help our problem? I went to see our counsler last week, and he said he can MAKE my husband come in, but I'm in the military and it's on base, and I dont want all of that to happen. I just got to this base and I don't want this much bad attention. But he doesn't want to go? I don't want to tell him that he can be made to go. what to do?
2006-10-20 14:22:49 · 12 answers · asked by ur a Dee Dee Dee 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you want to chat I'm on yahoo messenger... it should be working
2006-10-20 14:23:26 · update #1
I want things to work
2006-10-20 14:25:43 · update #2
should I have him MADE to go?
I dont want to leave him. I love him. He's changed things about himself for me, I think he can do this too
2006-10-20 14:28:13 · update #3
Don't give up to easily. I tried with my ex and tried and tried. Unfortunately it did not work but at least my conscious is clear that I gave my marriage every thing I could. You need to put it out in no uncertain terms that things need to change and that you are unhappy.
Let him know you are willing to try almost anything to make your relationship work and ask him what he wants to try. Keep going to counseling yourself and continue to invite him even if he continues to say no. You owe it to yourself to know you tried.
2006-10-20 14:35:39 · answer #1 · answered by Big D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope your husband wakes up and smells the coffee, because I am in a different boat than he is. I went to counseling but my wife did not go, even though there is not too much that can be done if the other spouse does not want to participate.
I went to anger management, and I am glad that I did because I used to get mad alot and throw things regardless if someone was around or not.
Since, I have been on this medication I do not have that problem anymore. In fact, I have stopped drinking.
It would not hurt you to go to counseling without him, and it might work for you because everyone does not have the same feeling as other people do.
Now do I think about going out and cheating, yes I do because there is no companionship between my wife and I, and there has not been any in 8+ years.
My wife tells me just bring the paycheck home, that is all she wants.
To close this out, I wish you and husband the best of luck in the world, and you can email me as well.
Have a wonderful weekend and a safe one.
2006-10-20 14:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl if he is making you feel this bad,give him a choice and stick by it... counseling or growing up is the choice or you kick him to the curve...if you have to be this upset just to have a relationship then this thing is on you.You can always make the choice of what is best for you,life is too short to live it in such misery,and then you in the military,you are strong enough to be in the military then you have the strength to deal with a hard head man,you cant MAKE him go no where,but you can simply give him a choice and if he dont want to get help then up and out of there you go... you dont need that bull crapp.... handle your business girl...do not let that man diminished you in front of people,to me that hurts more than physical abuse dont take either... you dont deserve that. Think about you first ,second, and third demand respect or at the end the one with the choice is going to be you to either take the heat or leave him..I think you know what to do... good luck.
2006-10-20 14:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him really come to therapy in spirit, even if you can physically. Sounds like he tried and doesn't think it will work.
So all you have is you here to figure out. And the first question is what's keeping you together? Do you love him? Do you want to stay together? The next is, is it worth all of this bad feeling, anger, etc. to stay together? Yes, you may love him, but you may not be able to actually live with him. They are two different things.
Sometimes some time away from each other can give each of you new perspectives to see what is and isn't there in your relationship. Can you arrange that?
2006-10-20 14:29:56 · answer #4 · answered by Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you married to my boyfriend? I can completely understand what you are going through. I have been with him for 13 years and it really has not gotten any better. Everyone will say to leave him, just like they have told me, but it is not that easy, and I understand. We did split up for a year, got back together. things went great for 2 months, now its back to normal. You and I both know what we need to do, but its not easy. A situation like this needs some soul searching. We deserve better, we can do better, but how? I hope you find the magical answer and if ya do , let me know. Good luck and thanks for your military service.
2006-10-20 14:32:27 · answer #5 · answered by awagner1971 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is perfectly okay to go to counseling by yourself and at this juncture I would suggest it. You seem to understand where this is heading and it would be beneficial for you to soften the blow that is coming your way. I think that everyone realize where their relationship is going and if they correct their mistakes it works, however, it sounds like your husband does not want to correct him mistakes.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-20 14:33:22 · answer #6 · answered by ferretcoach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to leave, but you already know that. You're in an abusive relationship, and your husband isn't going to change.
2006-10-20 14:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has dependency subject concerns. what's his dating along with his different like, i ask your self? as long as you nevertheless carry his hand by life, he won't improve or the right thank you to be self retaining. you will possibly desire to rigidity him to take part in his very own life. Get him to make a number of those calls and shield issues. by way of fact except you adore to be a administration freak and he's prepared to relinquish each and everything to you, you're doing him no favors via taking on his person household projects. you're actual crippling him via giving in to doing all of those issues. And, definite, it incredibly is somewhat strange that he won't pass everywhere devoid of you. he's somewhat scuffling with a dependency situation. And, except you get him help, you're in for one helluva marriage.
2016-10-15 06:09:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to counseling on your own to figure out why you married this awful man. You might find the strength to leave him.
2006-10-20 14:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes we just marry the wrong person, and it hurts to fail, you can't do anything to change him, but you can change you so you can feel better about yourself, and get some wisdom on what would be best for you.if he won't go to therapy than he isn't interested in making the marriage better.
2006-10-20 14:30:40 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋