How do i cope after losing my sister to suicide?

Question

I now have her kids to help raise along with their father. She was my best friend. She was an alcoholic for several years and she was always getting into drama. She had been in several places but they never seemed to help. Her kids are also going through alot. They are 2 and 4 years old. They saw her body when we found her. I need help. My heart is broken and i need to be strong for 2 little girls.

Answer 1

I am so very sorry. From what you have told us, she was troubled. I honestly think when someone takes her life that she is so very desperate and depressed that she literally cannot be thought (by us) to have had any ability to think with clarity or objectivity. Sometimes their pain prevents them from thinking about consequences and those she will leave behind. I don't think it would even occur to her that your heart would be broken or who would raise her children or how would her husband handle them on his own. To take your own life, you cannot even fear the physical pain of the process of completing the act. You simply are not yourself or the person your loved ones know. Often times, I think that life is just too hard. I think what I would do to cope is see a professional counselor to help you sort out your feelings. Forgive your sister. Do what you can to be there for her children as their wonderful aunt. In doing for them, you will at times be frustrated, even angry with all she's left for you to deal with; but in doing good and loving acts for the children, you will help them to cope...and those good acts will eventually grant you some peace when you are able to see them begin to smile, and grow up and trust you. Don't hesitate to talk about your sister with them. Just tell them mommy was very sick and no one knew. She wasn't feeling well and just didn't tell anyone so you could help her to a doctor. I'm sure it hurts you that she was your best friend. You have lost someone so very dear to you. I believe that our God is gracious and forgiving. I also believe that he knows when we are so distressed that we cannot rationally resolve our pain, that we have not intentionally sinned. I believe our God is wise and can tell the difference. I believe she is at peace finally in his loving arms for eternity. That may help you cope too. Take care of yourself as you reach out to her family. It will take a long, long time for the pain to ease. May God bless and keep you and give you strength and wisdom and grace to carry on.

Answer 2

You came with a question but you also gave the solution. Her girls. Coping is never easy especially with suicide, we are left with unanswered questions- what could i have done-its my fault- the guilt we go Thur. First you need to realize this has nothing to do do with you. You are and were not a part of the decision to end the life. Sometimes, when the world is so dark we cannot see even a sliver of light. My dear, you have precious gifts that she has left for you to watch over. This now will become your focus. Our heart will always be heavy, our minds always wondering. The best advise is to give this over to our Heavenly Father and ask for peace not only for you but for your sister. In loving the children you will continue the legacy of your family although it feels it is torn apart now. My prayers will be for your family, the children, for you to find peace. For sister I pray Our Father will understand and Love her and hold her in his arms. God with with you-and yours.

Answer 3

Moon, you realize your sister is at peace - and that's what she wanted. She can endure now not, and expectantly so they can aid convey you via this. Mental ailment is a merciless factor, and hurts everybody. What a wrestle she have got to have had, if this was once the higher choice. Please make certain you may have a weekly consult with to a counselor your self - this isn't to be underestimated in phrases of a obstacle that may sink the fine folks, and when you've got had episodes your self, you have to watch out to safeguard your self - it's fair to sink right into a despair whilst confronted with this, and you wish to have anybody to aid advisor you again. The fine factor you'll be able to do in your youngster, your household and your self is to make certain you may have the fine aid you'll be able to get, and hooked up a steady time table to fulfill with depended on peers for lunch - having the help of a neighborhood could make the entire change, and you do not wish to ever isolate your self or your youngster-which may also be the tendency after a primary loss. You can do whatever small every morning to don't forget your sister - however then permit your self to get on with lifestyles, as fine you'll be able to. You will have to suppose something you suppose, while you suppose it - however maintain pushing via. It gets higher, however it's going to be plenty of labor for a at the same time. Any primary loss takes 3 years so that you can get well - that's to not say she may not be on your ideas day-to-day. Make definite you deliver peers and spouse and children permission to take you by way of the scruff, and get you again out into the light it doesn't matter what. SOmetimes you'll be able to want aid to do this. So lengthy as you may have help and keep at your fine, you'll be able to be there for the leisure of them - I want you force and peace.

Answer 4

its really is a shame to see you go through this but you are her sister and you love her children right ?..just be there for her kids and her husband...you are her family whether she is here on earth or not...Suicide is not the answer for any problem.. your problems are not solved through suicide. you cause more grief and makes your problems worse...you can not help what happen but you can be strong for her children...if you need help with coping you can find a support group. You are a hero to these children you are picking up the pieces after a tragedy and stop accusing and blaming yourself for her death please. She wouldnt want you to blame yourself..Her problems had nothing to do with you...Sometimes problems consume people....Find a grief counselor and talk out your fears and as for her husband give him the best support you can give him...its gonna be a tough road but you are not alone.....GOD bless you all and my condolences...

Answer 5

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My brother died and it has been very hard. I am a recovering addict and I know how it feels when you just want to die because you see no way out. It isn't because you don't care and love your family, especially your children. You are so emotionally distraught that you just can't think straight. You just want the pain to stop. Your self-esteem is so non-existant that you think everyone would be better off without you. Yes, it is a selfish act, but at the time it doesn't feel selfish. As for her children, they are not too young to be in counseling which is free through your local mental health program. (and you aren't responsible for raising the children's father). There are 12 step programs for everything in life. He can find one for spouses of suicide victims. As for you, you are wonderful to take on the responsibility of taking on two small children. Look at it as a gift that part of your sister is still with you. There is government assisstance if you are not financially able to take on this responsiblity. Just shower them with love and try to understand. Put yourself in thier shoes as to what you would have felt had it been your mother, Rely on God to guide you through this time of need. It will not be easy, but you will be a better person, a stronger person because of it. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings. They will pass. Be mad at your sister for as long as it takes..it's a natural feeling. Death is not a pleasant thing to deal with but it is a part of life and we all go through it. You are not alone, please find a self help group with people who are going through exactly what you are going through...I promise it will make all the difference. My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours.

Answer 6

Honey my heart goes out to you and the babies. Honey all you can do is remember the good days. We all go astray at one point in our lives. That is when we need to turn to the Lord. Ask him for guidance and for inner piece for your self and the family. God will always be there for you if you turn it over to him. He loves his children and that means you too. I have been down the wrong road for a long time and he has turned my life around. Just ask him to guide you one day at a time. When you wake in the morning ask him to help you to get through another day. He will be there for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I know the Lord will be with you and yours forever more.Just believe in him and he will never let you down. Hugs to all of you. God Bless.

Answer 7

stay strong, your dong the right thing!! i know that your heart is broken but in the process of seeing those 2 little girls grow up to be 2 strong girls your heart will heal. Be there for them, advise them, never give up on them and give them the opporutinty to reach what their mother wasnt able to. Always remind them of all the good things about thier mother, always tell them that she loved them very much!

Answer 8

I am really sorry for your lost.... Be strong never put your head down.. These kids are depending on you and their father... The best thing is to get profeesional help...Pray .. go to chruch the lord will heal you... Be a role model to these girls they really need one right now.... i wish you the best... keep strong

Answer 9

I would find a grief recovery group that specializes in murder and suicides. They do exist. Call around to churches. I'll pray for you and your nieces and their dad. They so need you to be strong for them after being tramatized in such a graphic way. They'll definitely need some counceling as well.

Answer 10

that is so sad, i am so sorry.i am at a lost for words. my only words of comfort is to believe, and i know that alone will be hard to do,is to believe that god must have a plan for you.your sister was here,she was here for a purpose, and she must of served it.its hard to believe, and you must think i am crazy.please try to be strong, for yourself and her children. you have a very hard job to do now.god has put these 2 little girls in your hands to love and nuture. to guide them and help them grow. hopefully these little girls will help mend your broken heart because your sister is not totally gone from this earth, she lives on, in her children.