I have been with this man for 35 years and no longer love him. I want to live on my own and I so yearn for solitude.
2006-10-20 13:02:39 · 36 answers · asked by linda b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been in this situation and it is oh so hard.
I stayed with him for ages before i got up the nerve to tell him how i felt and i wanted out. I ended up in a separate bedroom, giving him the lame excuse that i couldn't sleep because of his snoring. Then one day i realised that i wasn't doing myself or him any favours living like this. It's far better to pluck up the courage and come clean. When i eventually told him, he took it very, very hard. There were loads of shouting and loads of tears. We're now divorced and have been apart for about 7 years. I see him almost daily, he still loves me and would have me back tomorrow. I still care for him, but would never go back to him. The good thing is that we are far better friends now than we've ever been (but he is still suffering). He's still on his own and so am i, but i'm quite content. I just wish he could find a new love, i so want him to be happy.
Just remember....you've only got one life, so look after number one and make the most of it.
2006-10-20 13:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If this man still loves you, there isn't anything you can say or do that's not going to break his heart. I wonder tho, are you certain you no longer love him, that this solitude you're yearning for isn't just some time away you're long overdue for? I'd think long/hard..go away by yourself some weekend...test yourself w/o him before you make a decision to leave him. The question you can ask yourself is, "do i see myself NOT w/him for the rest of my life?" rather than, I need some freedom. Good luck w/your decision, it's a tough one. I've been there.
2006-10-20 13:31:46 · answer #2 · answered by aweety69 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been with this man for a very long time. It won't be easy too tell him you no longer love him.You need too think this through and make very sure this is what you really want too do and if the answer is still yes..then you need too sit him down and just be honest with him. He may take it very hard but then again, you never know..he may be having these same feelings. But if you are so unhappy, then you need too tell him. He will be OK, time heals broken hearts.
2006-10-20 13:39:24 · answer #3 · answered by Rose T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what you are saying so well... been there myself. Not as long as you but my goodness 35 years.. do you know when you fell out of love with him? Life deals some of us with very cruel blows. You must decide what to do.. as long as you are safe.. maybe you could approach a council or housing association for advice on housing first before you decide. Then it's the money.. then it's what you want to take out of this relationship.. and the house..
I hope you are ok.. all the best now. Also a big hug..
kind regards
2006-10-20 13:31:13 · answer #4 · answered by Chrisey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I havent read the other answers first... Here's what happend to me. 13 years and one child into a relationship, my ex partner felt as you do. Ok, 13 years as a drop in the ocean compaired to 30+ years... but there you go.
She just told me.
It felt like the end of the world and I was utterly devastated... It still hurts 3 years later, but I'm so very glad she had the courage to tell me outright, long term it's been so much better for me than realizing i'd been clutching at straws, and that the love has all gone.
I think you should tell him straight out and break his heart clean, rather than play about trying to soften the blow, and slowly crush his heart instead. Clean breaks mend faster.
When you say it's over, have somewhere to go, and go there.... but PLEASE !!!! try to support eachother like adults and friends should.
2006-10-20 23:38:48 · answer #5 · answered by mittobridges@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be kind but honest and straight forward. But are you sure you want to throw away 35 years? If you are not 100% sure, explain you need some thinking time and go somewhere on your own for a bit. He can't be all bad if you spent all that time together! Maybe it is worth weathering through this and just seeing if it a phase,...or weather you really do want out.
2006-10-20 21:33:37 · answer #6 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to be certain, that all the love has gone for him from myself.
If this is the case, then i would personally not tell him, all in one go.
As this will be a heavy blow to him, and he could change towards you, and you have to still live with him.
Make secret plans for your future, but in a nice way, without telling him about this.
Drop little hints, and see how he takes them, but never tell him that your out of love for him.
You will know when the time is correct.
Trust in your heart, feelings, instincts.
God bless, and GOOD LUCK.
2006-10-20 13:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by Petal62 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What what he do if the shoe was on the other foot? You will only end up hating him if you don't end it, but just remember the grass ISN'T always as green on the other side as you may think. Solitude is a lonely word.
2006-10-20 13:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by XhappytalkX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, be very, very sure that this is what you want.
Then, if you are sure, you owe it to him to be honest in a very gentle but firm way. Make the break cleanly. Do not waiver. Do not give him any hope, as that would be cruel.
There is no way to get around the pain for him. A broken heart is very painful, but to stomp on it, and toy with it is even more painful.
2006-10-20 13:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to end it and not break his heart. You can however do it in a delicate matter. Sit him down and just be honest with him. I'm sure you have changed toward him if your truly feeling this way anyways. He has to know somethings wrong. At least its not for another man...
2006-10-20 13:42:08 · answer #10 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋