My husband has lied to me about different things, when angry he yells, will curse at me, will tell me to shut up, and he has thrown things. Typically when these things happen I say to him what are we doing? Why don’t we just separate? and “Do you feel in your heart that this relationship is not going to work in the future?
I want him to respect me and I wonder if part of the reason he doesn’t respect me is because I talk like this? If I talk like the relationship is not going to work out, then would he just choose not to respect me? It feels like a vicious circle, he disrespects me in anger and I talk like we are not going to work out. Will someone choose not to respect you if your telling them the relationship is not going to work out? Any advise?
2006-10-20 12:10:23 · 24 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's to late to ask for respect he has none...dump him
2006-10-20 12:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by ?Whiskey Girl? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys are married. Was he like this before you got married?
If yes, ask yourself why you married him in the first place.
If you really want out of the marriage, then just say it and get out..probably like you should have said no when he asked you to marry him..or you should have broken up long before that.
Now I'll be even more blunt. Picture you just arrived to a car accident scene and saw him lying there dead. No more words to hear or fight or love..NOTHING. How would you feel without him in your life.
Of course talking negatively about your relationship is going to make your relationship negative. Ever hear: "Speak things into existence"? Pretty sure that's in the bible. You wanna be married to him, you are going to be miserable if you stay like this. Be more positive. Dont sweat the small stuff...cause it sounds like you just are so dissatisfied in your relationship that you'll tear apart everything.
Time to make some serious decisions. Either you make the best of it and relax..Try reading a book called DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF...AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF..and read it every few months...that is if you stick with it. Otherwise, stop wasting your time.
2006-10-20 20:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by snooga 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you two should go to relationship counseling or anger management so that you two can find the root of the problem. If you really love him and want to work it out try it. if he decides that this is a ridiculous idea then doesn't respect your relationship enough to have a calm loving relationship. you should break it off before he gets worse. these things do escalate when they are not taken care of. if there are kids involved they could be in danger even if you don't believe this at the time. my parents were the same. mostly my dad. divorce could be a solution but try to work it out first.
2006-10-20 19:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by princton_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell you the truth it seems like you are over analyzing things. Yes all those things are bad but just about everyone lies, is it right? Hell no, but we all don't wear angel wings. Yelling usually implies the listener is not listening. Every reaction is usually from an action. The way you worded your sentence (no you don't sound ignorant) you sound like you have been reading psychology snippets. I think you have already made up your mind on what you want to do, just looking for a person who will support you in it. So, go ahead. Divorce him. However, you should know that most intelligent guys marry intelligent women. You sound pretty smart, so be prepared for a nasty divorce!
2006-10-20 19:23:50 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is abusive and he is not going to stop as long as you put up with it. When your husband is calm explain to him that the way he behaves when he's angry hurts the relationship and that you cannot allow him to behave that way towards you and keep your self-respect. If he pull that crap again take your stuff and leave and don't come back until he agees to go to see a counselor about managing his anger. You have to demand respect from him because he is not just going to give it to you.
2006-10-20 19:15:35 · answer #5 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I think it is completely unacceptable that you husband lies to you, yells at you, and ESPECIALLY that he throws things (sounds like he is on the road to becoming physically abusive, and what he is doing is already emotional abuse).
With that said, I think that you need to ask yourself if YOU think the relationship has a furture. If you do want to try to work things out, I think you need to have a very long talk with him about the behavior that you have mentioned and explain to him that the reason you mention "seperation" is because you are at your witts end about things, not necessarily because you don't want things to work out. It might be helpful if you write out the things that you want to discuss before hand, so that you don't forget them or get side tracked. You might also want to consider some marriage counseling...
2006-10-20 20:27:38 · answer #6 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's emotionally abusing you and you are blaming youself for it. That is very common in a situation like yours. My advice to you is to go for counselling if you can't leave him on your own. This is what your life is going to be like with him. Don't expect him to change and don't expect things to get better. I've been where you are. At first it was the hardest thing I ever had to do to leave. But now, 5 years later, I'm remarried, pregnant and I look back and KNOW without a doubt it was the best and smartest thing I've ever done.
2006-10-20 19:15:52 · answer #7 · answered by Rairia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen if he does not respect you he does not deserve you you need to get a divorce or something he needs to get a grip if he acts like that he does not even deserve a relationship at all he needs to go to anger mangement classes if he does not want to break up then you stand up to him and tell him to respect you if he still doesn't it does not matter what he says go and get the papers for divorce trick him into signingt the papers for divorce get out of that bad relationship that man is stupid not ot respect a women which he should be doing(so called gangsters).
2006-10-20 19:53:31 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced the same thing.I have learned that it is a way of life....something they are used to...the way they think it is.I have warned him about cussing me and raising his voice at me.That is not how I was raised..it is not what I know and I donot like it at all.It is however the way he was raised and is what he knows. After seperating so many times it seems he would get the picture.He is getting better,finding out there is a different way to approach his wife.How could he respect you if you bow down.I say its best to talk about it..explain how it feels and let him know it's not the way you want to carry on.
2006-10-20 19:32:39 · answer #9 · answered by listener 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is human nature to be aggressive. His anger make him worse person who he is. Your comments/it's not going work/ is like a fuel for it. He doesn't understand what is wrong with him in first place. How to make him to open eyes and recognize is him to cost the fights, this is real problem. How he behave is below any line. But you have to forgive him, and try to start different way. Try:
- admit is your folt to be not good wife,
- be sorry to make him sick and unhappy,
- you want to be the relatinship like before in good times,
- you both must to forget what bad happent laytly and don't
say anything like never happened
Take time, give him credit, it doesn't work ............ Sorry,
but you can't go any lower. You must be respected.
If you give up just divorce him, but prepare before giving the news place to move/ move out,. Move on
2006-10-20 19:26:54 · answer #10 · answered by Toto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is not the reason he treats you this way. if he truly cared about you and loved you he would do what he could to assure you that the two of you are going to grow old together. and why should you shut up? you have just as much of a right to express how you feel. i think that when he is not angry you need to sit him down and tell him that you don't like being treated this way. and that if it happens again, you are gone. know one deserves to be abused in anyway.
2006-10-20 19:15:28 · answer #11 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋