I'm bi.... and I am really afraid of my family...?

Question

For two years, I have pondered on my sexuality. I have tried to tell myself that I was straight. But a few weeks ago I accepted the fact that I like both boys and girls. I like girls more than guys, however I am still attracted to ONE boy at my school and a lot of girls. A week ago, I told my mom and sister that, and they are okay. At first my mom thought I was joking. And I think she still does. On MySpace I put that I was bi so my friends who saw it know and they are okay.
And.... my grandma and other people do not know. I have never had a girlfriend before.... just one boyfriend for like one day a few years ago... ( and my fam does not know about the bf ). BUT when I do get a girlfriend, I am scared of what my grandma and others will do.

And my GMA ( grandma ) has been asking if I was a lesbien for a long time. And how mad she'd be if I was bi or a lesbien. That was just a few days ago. And other family members would throw a fit.

and my question was: What should I do?

haha. sorry for the woman who asked me what my question was.

Answer 1

It takes a while for an individual to figure out who they truly are inside. Developing on the outside is a piece of cake, but it can take years to develop mentally and figure out who you might be both in your mind and your heart. It's okay if you are homosexual, there's nothing wrong with this. Know this though, there are going to be many people who will condemn you and blast you for this, believing that you have decided upon this fact for your life. Being either/or is not a decision, but a chemical imbalance that doesn't effect your decision making in any way, but just has various effects on those who claim to be gay. You might see things differently from another, but it doesn't mean you are wrong or different.

As long as you have accepted the fact that you are this way, then that's all that matters. Don't worry about what others think about you, especially your family. You are the one that has to live with yourself, by choosing to have others accept you the way they want you to be, then they are truly not family and don't understand what you are feeling in your heart. They choose to see only what's on the outside.

You probably won't just go up and tell your family, it will happen when you accept it and when you are ready, not before then. Whatever you figure out for yourself, take your time in believing who you are and not worrying about what everybody else will think of you. Remember, it doesn't matter what happens to you, your parents if they are true parents, will stand by you no matter what.

I don't know who you are, and you don't know who I am, but I wish you the very best in whatever you claim for your soul.

Answer 2

Well i think that you GMA knows really and to be truthfully are you Bi or Gay???

I had denied my feelings of being a lesbian for 15 yr, got married had a child and was openly Bi so i thought.

Deep down i knew i wanted women, and i thought all women had crushes on their mates, app they don't !!!!

So i turned 30 and found my soul mate a women truly.
Left my hubbi and made a new life my child, me and my life partner, only now i realize just how much i had changed to make other people happy i.e my family.

So doesn't matter what anyone thinks its your life, don't tell GMA if you don't wanna, don't discuss it with your family but if they are supportive which they sound they are then just explain the truth...

Gmas have a way of knowing the truth without saying anything , me i would tell her the truth your not too sure but your attracted to both sexes , she will be fine I'm sure.

Good luck hunny.

My only advice is please don't ever conform to what people want, life is to short , you really only do get one shot so live it to the full while you can.

Answer 3

The older generation can be surprisingly tolerant, your grandma may well accept it, she may not.

BUT you cannot go through life doing things to please other people, especially when its something as fundamental as your sexuality.

You are still in school you say, so you are a teen. A lot of teens go through the straight/gay/bi question, more than you think, its part of your growing up and finding out about yourself.

You may find this is a passing teen phase that lasts a few years, you may go straight or lesbian, ther is no way of knowing.

I would suggest you try and find some kind of group that you can talk through things with. Probably best to avoid internet chatrooms, but look for information local to where you live and see if there are any groups or helplines you can call.

Just talking to another person about this can help, I hope you find what you are looking for, whether thats male, female or both, but never feel ashamed of how you are, you are unique and special no matter what your sexuality.

All the best,

lozz xx

Answer 4

This is a tough one. The truth is, you could never predict what your family will do or how they will take it. All you can do is pray for the best, but that works for any situation. You will be stronger if you tell the true, rather than hide behind a lie. We are all only human, after all. We can't predict who we fall in love with or when. Pray to God and follow your heart. You can never go wrong with these rules in place. I'm here if you need me. No rush to tell anyone either. You'll know when the time is right for you. Take good care of yourself.

Answer 5

Well....hopefully your grandma loves you for you. However older people have a hard time accepting change, I say this because I too had to come out to my family at one time and I was more scared to tell everyone but my granny because she was always cool about everything, hell she even went to a KNOWN gay bar on the south side of Chicago (no she is not gay, but she loves everyone, and could play cards with anyone) when I told the family they were fine...when I told her she FLIPPED OUT ON ME, asking me how I could do this to her, what happened to her baby.....all types of things. I don't say this to scare you or to discourage you, but just to say that sometimes it's hard for people (older epically) to accept change. The story dose have a happy ending tho, my granny not can't get enough of my wife, she loves her as if she were her blood grandchild, they go to bingo together and the river boat, she is ALWAYS her partner in cards, as a matter of fact, my grand mom will snap if Shawn is someones partner...they get alone great, see grandma had to get past the label and get to know the person. Have faith that your grandmother loves you, make sure you present it to her and not someone else. Also you know your grand mom better than we would, how dose she feel about these relationships...then go from there. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 6

You sound young and still really unsure. Don't rush into picking a label for your feelings. It's not necessary and can cause you a lot of problems if you don't have a good support system (in your family). You mom is either really super or just figures you might be going thru a phase. Give yourself some time. Let your brain catch up to your emotions. Not all of us know 'who' we really are -- I didn't figure out I was a lesbian until I was about 26 and married already. Surprise!!

Enjoy your friends. When you are sure of yourself, then you can come out to your family. Check out the gay hotline, gay/straight school clubs, etc. and see if you fit in. There is NO rush to identify yourself until you feel strong inside. Just remember if you come out to everybody and your family can't handle it, you still have to live under their roof. So protect yourself. Protect your heart. Enjoy your youth. You only get it once.

Answer 7

Your grandmother probably remembers the time when homosexuality was illegal in the UK. It was decriminalised in 1967, and removed from the list of mental disorders in 1973 (after the American Psychiatric Association passed a resolution).

Even though you're bisexual and not homosexual, bisexuality is unknown and/or misunderstood by the majority of people (including some homosexuals).

You just have to side with the family members/friends who are supportive of you. Your grandmother will probably be mourning at the potential risk that she might not have great grandchildren (depending on who you settle down with). In the long term, it is her who has the problem - not you. If she chooses to discard you because of her own beliefs, then she is not a genuine person.

The more people you have on your side, the easier it is to deal with people who aren't on your side.

Answer 8

the danger is that if you get a bad reaction from them finding out, they may throw you out. so, you first need a contingency plan of where to go, a friend for example, if they do throw you out.

i know how you feel to an extent, only i didn't find out how homophobic my family is until i actually came out.

good luck though, i hope things work out for you. you're young, try to enjoy your youth, it isn't all about angst, but at your age, these things can feel like a nightmare, and being openly gay/bi etc isn't always a bed of roses.

it might help if you find a helpline online or youth groups where you can perhaps find people you have at least your sexuality in common with, but if your friends are cool about it, that is miles better.

like i say, good luck, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

Answer 9

I'm in the boat with you! I have the same predicament (except I am a guy, not a girl, but that doesn't matter). I say, SCREW 'EM! If your or my family members don't like our sexual orientation then they can kiss my ***!

Then again, I am not ever gonna tell my mom's side of the family until my grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles are dead. They would try to get the devil out of me and crap like that. It is BS, I still love them, but it would be too much for me to deal with if they knew I was bisexual. I really want to tell them, but I never will. In some ways it makes it easier, and in some ways it makes it harder. Call me a coward, but that is my stance. You are gonna have to make your own decisions though.

Best of luck, and know that you aren't alone!

Answer 10

Screw them! I'm assuming that because she's your grandmother, that she's old, so let her have her fit, it's not like she has another 65 years to hate you with. I know it's harsh, but when I told my "friends" a couple of months ago that I like chicks and guys, they stopped talking to me because they thought that everytime I said "you're hair looks nice today" they thought that I wanted them in the pants, so the moral of the story is life your life for you, nobody else!