How do I talk to my husband?

Question

How do I tell my husband that I want to stop taking my birth control because I want to have another child? We have been talking about, and he wants to wait another six months or more till our son is older, he will be two next month. How can I tell him I don't want to wait? It is much harder than I thought it would be.

The last few time we talked about, he said we will try right after our son turns two, than he changed it february, and than he changed to April. I just wish he would make up his mind.

I have already opted out NOT talking to him about it and just not taking my pills. I think that is SO wrong. So I am not even thinking of doing that.

I just don't want him to change his mind again. lol

Its getting time to refill my pills, so I am VERY nervous about talking to him. I just don't know how to tell him I don't want to buy them this month. He knows I want another child tho. I thought I was pregnant a week or two ago, but the tests were negative and he saw how dissapointed I was about it.

I said I DIDN'T want to decive him. I think it is SO wrong.

Troya, his boss is d!cking him around about his raise and bonuses. My husband is on salary and works about 70 or more hours a week most weeks. He worked till 1:30 in the morning the other day. He only makes 2400 a month after takes. We know his boss will give him a raise if I become pregnant, but we don't want it to work that way.

And yes, if he is stressed about work, a simple question will set him off. So that is one of the reasons I an so nervous. I don't want to set him off.

delux_version, you are so right about family planning. My sis has two cjhildren from two guys, and is living with our parents. We are very responsible. It was an "accident" with our son, but we have never regreted it. Our son was concived on my 18th BD with me on the pill and him using a condom. Something must have been working that night. lol

I don't know if he is scared of having another child, he has two others, a 13 year old daughter, and a 21 year old son. I know he wants another daughter, he tells me every day. Exspecially when he sees a little girl walking down the streat with her mother. He will look over at me and tell me that he wants a little girl. I am just so confused.

Amber L, yes, you have done the math well. my husband is 39. He had his son when he was 17 in high school. His girl left him because her mother insited on her leaving him. He says he is not to old to have another child, we have talked about this deapth.

Answer 1

Wow, I wish more people were like you and your husband. Most don't talk about family planning in any way, shape, or form, until that little (in their words) accident happens. I noticed a few people talking compromise, and this is a great way to fix things when your in a rut, but it sounds like he just isn't comfortable being a father of two yet. Kudos for him for his honesty. Tell you what will ease his mind. Break down the cost of two children -vs- one. Prove that this is the ideal time. You may find that this is not the best time. Get out the med insurance and go over all hidden costs. Compromise by saying this will be the last child. Reinforce it by suggesting a vasectomy after the next child. Most of all, tell him you will handle as much of the responsibility as you have with the first child (I take it you were responsible right?).

Answer 2

Well my advice is simply my opinion. Take it or leave it. I agree that it is wrong to decieve your husband Good chioce on opting out of that. Secondly, would you want to go through the pregnancy knowing that right now it is not in his wishes? It has to be what you both want. And darlin' 6 months is not that long to wait. Give your son a chance to have his childhood...At two he needs all of your attention. My daughter was 3 and it was still too soon to have another baby, but I was pregnant, and sick, and miserable. No fun at all by any means. I know how it is to get the itch to be pregnant again, but its gotta be the right time for both of you. Try talking to your husband and telling him that you will be willing to accept his 6 month period...get 6 more refills for your pills. Then when you are on your last pack, start preparing him. "Baby, you know, This is my last pack of pills and I waited for you, it is time to consider having another child." Weigh out the pros and cons and listen to what he has to say if he still objects. Keep the doors open, don't be stubborn and demanding. It'll get you further. After my second child, my husband had a vasectomy because we were both agreeing upon the fact that 2 is enough!


Ok, so Im doing the math here, He has a 21 year old son, you concieved on your 18th birthday, and your son is almost 2? Not to step on your toes honey but maybe he feels like he is a little too old to be having more? How old is your husband? Im assuming you are now 20-21.

Answer 3

Hiya Jenny.
There is a simple way to do this.
There is a hard way to do this.
The simple way involves you lying to him and getting pregnant anyway, but I would not recommend you taking this very unwise course of action in a relationship that you wish to continue...something to think long and hard about.
The hard way is usually worth its weight in gold in the end.
Anything important is worth sacrificing a little time and patience to see it through.
He obviously knows that you want another child, so there is some reason that he is holding back from you.
This is called deception, on his part.
If this man cannot explain to you in clear concise way why you should not have another child now, there is something he is hiding from you.

Worse case scenario:
He is hiding the fact that he no longer wants the commitment that you two have formed and is waiting for an opportune time to "break you off". You lying to him and getting pregnant may create the "out" that he needs.

Best case scenario: He knows that the addition of another newborn child would bring additional emotional and financial stress that you both are not ready for. In either case(emotional or financial), this would grounds for thinking it through again.

In the "best case scanario" he can no longer use the argument that you two are not ready for another child. You waited two years, as was requested by HIM. You have lived up to your obligations, as put to you by waiting two years. In all reality 95% of families are NOT READY for the complications that children bring.
This is what makes family so important. the bond that forms between a family is formed in good times and bad times. Each situation, good or bad, has its own merits, and there is nothing that can bring you closer together than the experience they bring.

In the "worse case scenario", you are spinning your wheels waiting on him to be truthful with you about his reservations. You waited patiently, like a loving wife does. You cared for the firstborn, now you wish for a sibling to that child. There is nothing wrong with that.
There are literally thousands of reasons "for" it.
A great reason that you can use for leverage is that you would like a daughter, he has his "son".
This does not give you a reson however to keep trying till you have a daughter....but you deserve at least to roll the dice.

Sounds like its time for your man to "MAN UP!".
This is the stuff that shows his true quality as a life partner and father.
It is up to you to decide if he is that man that will be there for your kids, now and forever.
Now is the time to sit down and have "THAT" conversation.

Wishing you and yours the best.

Answer 4

It really depends on how he reacts to you when you tell him things so that i could tell u the right way to approach him. but if you guys argue a lot i would hold off til the right time when you both are calm and work your way into the subject. (don't just pop the question) he'll be to shocked and he'll say no. Does he know that you feel this way at all. i need more info. how many times have you talked about it and how long ago. if it was recent then there must be a reason he wants to wait, maybe til he gets his bonus. Men want to be financially stable. they want to be able to take care if their families. if you two are not financially stable then the best thing to to is wait. but if you are financially stable, gather all the facts about why you want another child and how you know it wont affect how thing are. pure your heart out get deep into your feelings, communication is the key to all relationships. and if you can't tell him face to face then write him a letter and leave it in his car before he goes to work. he'll read it. and that way he'll know your whole thought on the situation, with no interruptions.

Answer 5

Try explaining to him that it sometimes takes a while to fall pregnant. I went off the pill for my first child and fell pregnant just looking at my husband. Two years later, I went off it again trying to conceive child number two. It took 7 months to fall with her. I come from a large family that breed like rabbits, so I didn't expect to take this long. In the overall scope of things, what difference will a few months do. Good luck

Answer 6

Honesty and communication are very important in a relationship. You need to understand your husbands feelings and reasoning and you need to tell him yours. Why do you not want to wait? Why does he? Chances are it will take a couple of months once you are off birthcontrol before you concieve anyways and then 9 months before the baby comes so be honest with hubby and talk it out. Going against his desires is not a good idea it could create some real resentment so tread carefully

Answer 7

What you should do is have a heart to heart talk about his reasons for wanting to wait. He may have very solid reasons but you should discuss them in depth. This will show him that you care about his point of view and will also send a message about how you feel. The more you discuss his views, the more he'll think about your feelings. It's hard having serious conversations like this without getting into arguments but you can't let that happen. Arguments instill a me-against-you type of attitude and will get you nowhere. You need to express genuine concern.

Answer 8

As a man, I think that the best way to approach your husband is directly. I would suggest explaining to him that YOU are ready to carry your second child, and that even though he wants to wait six months, it might take that long for you to become pregnant. Explain to him that sharing this child with him has been such a positive experience that you would like to continue and have more similiar positive experiences...hope this helps

Answer 9

i think marriage is stressful enough, is it worth the fight over something that is supposed to bring so much joy?

I suggest you compromise, meet halfway at 3 months maybe? Also remember that it can take time, it probably won't happen on your first attempt, and it can take longer if you've been on birth control; some points you may wish to make to him.

Answer 10

The person you need to talk to is your husband, I think once you get started, you will be able to talk to him. But do not stop taking the pills, until you talk to him. Men get very mad about that. Don't forget the key to a good marriage is communications.