How is a daughter suppose to feel about her father that left her when she was 9yrs old and now he wants to stay with her because he has health problems and no income......She is 32yrs old with two children and single.....The father never really communicated with the daughter while she was younger. They were never close, but now that he has no other place to go to she is forced to take him in.....Because her mom seems to think she should honor thy father......She is unhappy because now she has to take care of someone whom she thinks never really gave a damm about her while she was growing up....She feels that it is unfair....He was mean to her while she was young and now he is even trying to be mean to her children......She doesn't want to put him out with no place to go....She is a good person, but she is just feeling a little uncomfortable.....need some advice....
2006-10-20 10:48:43 · 14 answers · asked by Anastacia 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Talk to him. Tell him that you really don't like the idea of him staying with you because he wasn't there for you when you needed him, but you'll be the better the person and let him stay as long as he is respectful to you and your children. A soon as he is mean or disrespectful he will need to find another place to stay. It may not take long for him to break that rule.
I'm sorry but that's a really difficult situation to be in. I wouldn't want him living with me either but your right, you cant just kick him out with no where to go (as long as he isn't unreasonable and mean to you and your children). People do make mistakes and many regret them. I've made my mistakes and thought I burned a bridge permanently but somehow those people were able to forgive me and let me back in their lives. Maybe you can try doing the same for him. Life in general isn't fair, but I do believe things happen for a reason. Maybe he is suppose to come back in your life for a reason. I hope that at least something I said or someone else says helps. I can only image how difficult things are right now.
2006-10-20 11:07:07 · answer #1 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does have some where else to go.... he can get on disability, and he will be eligible for housing. He doesn't need to be there if he going to be mean to your children.... first try talking with him about it.... do all of the counseling BS.... and if that doesn't work HE HAS TO GO.... and if your mother thinks that you should honor thy father then why the h@@@ isn't she taking care of him. This is only a problem because you are a GOOD PERSON. Don't be a "sucker" he DOES have other options, sry to sound so harsh... but the children don't need to see all hostilely that is building up inside of you!!! or THEM bad habits rub off.... I'm sooooooooo sry that you have to go through that crap. I have been there and It does suck.... I took care of my very mean a abusive mother after she had some of lung removed from lung cancer, but I saw what it was doing to my family, and my finances(not a single mother) and it was daring us. Finally enough was enough, there was no reasoning with her, and she wasn't going to chance. She has her own apt. own money and car now. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK
2006-10-20 13:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by TamBam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. But if he left you when you were 9 and wasnt a good father, and even now that he is having health problems he is mean to his grand children then he doesnt deserve a daughter to be that nice to him. But if that girl REALLY wanted to help but felt confortable. Then try to find a home or try to help him get Social Security. So that way he is not living with you and you have helped him, although he did not deserve it.
2006-10-20 11:35:34 · answer #3 · answered by Gaby H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I kind of understand my dad goes on business some times and so I don't get to see him allot while my mom and my sis (Haley duff) travel around with most of the times well try to get to know him a little bit ask him how he has been feeling try to start something. but don't get to where u feel uncomfortable with him and also try to help him out. I don't know what to say about being mean to your children but it sounds like u are strests and frustrated try to take some time for yourself and listen to some soft music take a nap do something that relaxes u. Try to convince him not to go out with no place to go tell him how bad it is and how miserable it would be
2006-10-20 11:01:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call social services to see if they can make other arrangements for him. It is highly unfair, given the history and all, that she has been put in this position. If he is starting to be mean to the children, then he must go. Be compassionate and all that but find him somewhere else for the mental health of all involved.
2006-10-20 11:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a very similar experience with my own father, I chose to help my father, as I wanted to put all the abandoment and hurt behind me. By helping my father through a very hard time for him, I discovered so much about him and about myself. We found a connection and even though sometimes we cross "swords" sometimes, I have for the first time in my life, my father. I have forgiven him and that is the most liberating act you can do, not for your father, but for you, so you can move on in your life with peace.
Good Luck
2006-10-20 12:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not supposed to feel one way or another - you just feel.
It sounds like you feel angry and resentful, and that's fine.
You might want to see a counselor for a few sessions to help sort out your emotions, and what choices you have and what choices you want to make.
If you're not comfortable having him in your home, you can kick him out.
You don't need to allow your mother to pressure you . . .
There also might be some middle ground that you might feel more comfortable with . . .such as him being out of your house, and in some public assistance facility, and you might visit him once a month.
In the end, it's your choice, and you should feel comfortable to do whatever you choose.
2006-10-20 11:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He felt no commitment to you when you needed him and I say you have no obligation to him now. It is ultimately up to you but it takes a really bighearted and strong person to take on such a responsibility and not feel bitter about it. I'm not sure I could do it !
Good Luck and God Bless !
2006-10-20 10:53:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't owe him anything - if the shoe was on the other foot - would he be there for you?? NO!!
Put him out - it's not your problem....
Honor thy Father - I was under the impression that meant God the Father! Anyway he wasn't your father - he was only the sperm donor!!
2006-10-20 11:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the father never did anything to earn the "honor thy father" don't take him in. he chose to alienate himself and now he must reap what he has sown. he must now deal with the cosequences of his life of meaness, and thoughtlesness, and he does have somewhere to go, some social agency will wharehouse him in some facility for the aged and infirm...so don't feel obligated to help someone who never showed you any love
2006-10-20 10:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋