Ok.. Now...before I go any further I want to make sure it's understood. I love my daughter NO MATTER what her decision is.
The question and search for advice I have is.. My daughter (14yo) has voiced that she might be more interested in girls than boys. As long as she has love in her life Yippee for her!!! However, I'm now leary to allow her to spend the night at her friends houses because I don't want her to get sexually active too soon. Am I being a bad parent?
I love her and want her to have a social life in highschool.. but what am I to do?
HELP!!
2006-10-20 10:34:39 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Dear Mom, First, thanks for being supportive of your daughter. It's really hard for teens coming out and knowing that you, as a
parent, will be supportive is the most important thing she will need to keep her feeling strong and loved and safe. Because she is so young, there are not as many safe places for her to meet other young gay youth. Check out gay teen sites. Call the gay center, school gay/straight clubs and particularly PFLAG- which is a support, educational, advocacy group for friends and family of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons. They will be able to help you find places for your daughter and her friends to hang out.
Also talk to her about your concerns about being sexual too early. Suggest she has her friends sleep over at your house where you may feel more at ease and more control. Talk to her about the pressure of intimacy and stds, etc.Hopefully she will get enough info from the youth groups help her refrain from experimenting too early. I hope you will continue to have a wonderful relationship.
As a older gay woman whose mother has been supportive from the beginning, I can tell you first hand that it helped me come out without fear and incrimination. My hat is off to you.
To the sickos on this site, go to hell!!! Your comments are uncalled for and hurtful. If you can't say something helpful, don't say anything.
2006-10-20 10:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by reme_1 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know its just my opinion but I would not allow a 14 year old daughter of mine to spend the night at a guys house so, if other girls really is her sexual preference, I would feel justified in applying the same rules. You can still have quite a social life without spending the night at your friends homes.
Whatever you decide though (and exceptions can be made in any decision) I would definitely talk to her about the importance of not being sexually active until she is older and more mature. I hope things work out :)
2006-10-20 10:41:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being a bad parent at all. If your daughter felt safe enough to come to you with this information, it sounds to me like you are a wonderful parent. It would be the same as her spending the night at a guys house if she were not lesbian. I understand what you are saying completely. I am not sure if this will help or not, but maybe you should try voicing your concerns to her. I would think that she would understand (it sounds like you two have a very open relationship and that will help). Maybe you could ask her if there is anyone in particular she is interested in?? I don't know, just a suggestion. Hope this helps at least a little bit.
2006-10-20 10:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by eka77_95 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your dilemma - if she wanted to spend the night at a male friend's house, you would know the answer to that question.
At 14 years old, it's maybe a little early for her to distinguish between a sexual interest in girls, and a normally healthy crush on another girl (which is quite normal, and happens frequently at that age, and has nothing to do with deciding sexuality). Maybe she likes this friend, but the friend has no leanings in that direction.
A lot depends on how mature your daughter is (and you are very lucky that she would confide such information to you). I would probably let my daughter stay at her friends - if she does experiment, it may make her mind up one way or the other, and one good point is that at least she won't get pregnant.
She also needs to understand that at her age, it's not just the physical side of things, but she really needs to be older to handle the psychological side of sex.
2006-10-20 10:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by Scoob 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Part of being a good parent is setting boundaries.You don't want your child exposed to sex until she is a little older and able to understand the consequences and the responsibilities that come with sex.With that said, another part of being a parent is trust.Parents should give their children the benefit of the doubt.Unless your child has given you a strong reason for not trusting her then perhaps you might consider that once you have set the boundaries for her then you can trust her.Also, it might be a good idea to know her friends parents.This way you can be assured in the knowledge that she is safe and under supervision.
It is very commendable that you are an accepting parent of your child's needs and developing sexuality.But as long as she is a minor and under your roof she needs to know her boundaries in spite of her sexuality.Naturally you don't want to see her dating until she is at least 16 or even 18 but that is something that you can discuss with her.But when it comes to actual sex it is a matter of responsibility and maturity that at 14 she has not yet reached regardless of her sexuality.
2006-10-20 10:46:11 · answer #5 · answered by BuckFush 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello maybe I can be of some advice. I am 17 years old and in high school. From my experience (I have gay and Bi friends but I am straight) I don't think that she will try anything that relates to sex. Especially if her friend is straight and likes guys only. Most girls or teens don't even come out until they are in college at least she is seeking you and being open to you. Make sure before getting too worried that you talk with her and make sure that she knows what she is talking about and to talk with her about your concerns. If my mom did that and if I was in the same position as your daughter, I would want my mom to talk with me and not to just worry and not express her feelings with me. Just monitor your daughter for awhile. I hope that this will help.
2006-10-20 10:41:40 · answer #6 · answered by SkiInstructor720 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you love your daughter and want to do what is right. But if she is ready to be sexually active, she will find a way. So I do understand being a mom, that this is much harder to experience then to comment on. Who are we all here to judge or say we know how you are feeling. I would allow her to have sleep overs because she is still young enough to want to do girl things. When I was her age I thought I was bisexual, but it wasnt the sex that attracted me, it is how intimate women/girls are. Men are not as caring and sensitive (not all men, guys dont get upset, there are still caring men out there) but women/girls can be more loving and that isnt always a bad thing.
Let her discover in time who she is and you sound like a good caring mom, just be there for her and love her for who she is.
Good luck!
2006-10-20 11:55:45 · answer #7 · answered by cecilia m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a daughter but I do have a teen. If it were me I wouldn't stop her social life to that extent. She will become sexually active when she feels she is ready and I am sure that as a parent you have raised to know that waiting until you are ready is much better than caving into pressure. So, gay, bi, or straight is irrelevant I think. There are plenty of teenagers who are lonely, have low self esteem, etc who become sexually active way to young IMO and 14 is wayy to young. At your daughter's age she may engage in heavy petting but that could just as well happpen with a boy as with a girl.
Communication is key.
2006-10-20 10:42:14 · answer #8 · answered by Subi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be cautious the same way you would be about other potential problems. Don't let her stay at a friend's house unless you KNOW that a parent will be present. That way you'll know that not only isn't she sexually active but she isn't drinking, smoking or using drugs either. Get to know her friends and their parents. You'll have a good idea who might be trouble. Encourage your daughter to have friends over to your house when you're there. You sound like a very loving parent and not bad in any way.
2006-10-20 10:39:31 · answer #9 · answered by Kuji 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is really tough, but just like straight girls have friends that are boys without being romantically involved, your daughter will have friends that are girls that she is not romantically interested in. You should talk to her about your concerns and be willing to trust that she is capable of making wise decisions. If you are really concerned about it, have her bring her friends to your home to stay. At least you will know that she is being supervised in your home. Don't be too clingy or nosy with her. This is a difficult time for her and she needs a little space to figure it out. It may actually just be a phase. Early adolescence is a confusing time. Knowing that she has a loving and safe environment in which to explore, she will find out who she really is much more quickly.
2006-10-20 10:41:11 · answer #10 · answered by katethefabulous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋