A colleague at work, recently told me that he was gay. A shock to me as i had no idea he was that way inclined. He is one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet, but the thought of his love life really disgusts me. He confinds in me, as he looks at me as a 'mother figure'.
I can accept two women in a relationship, but two men is a different story.
How do i tell my colleague what he doe's i find offensive, and yet i can accept two females in a relationship.
And no, i have never been in a lesbian relationship, and have no inklings to try either!!
HELP
2006-10-20 10:19:22 · 12 answers · asked by classychick 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Diana
He is not disgusted by my straight relationship, as he has a 5 year old daughter. I am not judging my colleague, as i have the utmost respect for him.I just get very uncomfortable when he speaks about his love life. From the posts i have had so far, i am going to have to tell him in the kindest way possible that i really do not wish to hear anymore. Wish me luck......
2006-10-20 10:49:25 · update #1
Friends are hard to come by....I would not judge him for that....jeepers!
2006-10-20 10:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You certainly don't have to tell him that what he does is offensive to you. That'll only hurt his feelings or make him angry. If you don't want to hear anymore about his love life, just politely let him know that you're probably not the best person to consult on such matters. Give him a few polite hints at first, and then if he doesn't get the clue, just straight up tell him that you don't want to talk about it. If he persists after that, then maybe there's call to tell him *why* you don't want to talk about, which will probably hurt him - but by that point, oh well - you tried to be polite.
It's also interesting that you, like so many people, find lesbianism okay, but are disgusted by male homosexual activity. This is probably because women's sexuality isn't taken as seriously as men's - a married man is more likely to tolerate his wife fooling around with another women precisely because he won't take their sexual relationships as seriously as he would if it were with a man. It's sad that women, too, have internalized this and continue to denigrate lesbian sex by seeing it as just play, or as something that can't be the basis of real, worthwhile relationship. I'd say you have more to think about than just being hypocritical.
2006-10-20 17:27:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, thats a hard one. Theres nothing that you can say to him thats not going to hurt his feelings. Is there any way to get away from him. I once had a co-worker (she sat in the cubicle next to me) who developed a crush on me! I'm not a lesbian, either. So, this really made me uncomfortable. I looked over it for a long time but she eventually become really possessive. She didn't like for me to go to lunch with other co-workers. She would call my home after work and if the phone happened to be busy, then she would drive by! I eventually talked to my employer about her. I explained to him what was going on and to my surprise this wasn't the first time that she had reacted this way with a co-worker. She was let go a couple of days later. Can you go talk to your boss about him? Just tell your boss the honest truth about how you feel and ask if you or the gay guy can either one be moved. That way, you can use your boss as a scape-goat instead of having to be rude to him.
2006-10-20 17:30:31 · answer #3 · answered by Angel W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you cherish your friendship, why should you tell him your opinion of the gay lifestyle? Either he doesn't care enough to change and thinks less of you or he's so affected by your opinion, you cause him unbearable stress b/c he has to deny his natural tendency all to please you during the moments you're actually around. Traumatizing your friends-something to be proud of. (I'm guessing the first is more likely)
However, I feel the same, on a lesser scale, so if I were you, I'd tell him that makes you uncomfortable and hopefully, the two of you will find other things to talk about until you get to the point where you can ask ques. w/o being offensive.
2006-10-20 17:32:51 · answer #4 · answered by strpenta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a bit hypocritical, I can't see the difference between two men or two women in a relationship, maybe you are been too motherly to him and that's why you are finding it disgusting, if you value his friendship then be honest with him and put your feeling about his sexuality to one side and keep him as a friend, good friends are hard to come by.
2006-10-20 19:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe u should ask yourself where this disgust is coming from. Obviously, if you have no problem w/ 2 women being together, you're not anti-gay. If u 2 are close & he confides in you, then confide in him!! Tell him you're having a hard time w/ all of this & to give you a little time, or maybe a little space. After all, it sounds like you don't hate HIM. If youl're friends, I'm sure he'll understand. Maybe he's disgusted by your straight life! :)
2006-10-20 17:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He felt he was safe with you, don't treat him so badly! If you can cope with women in a relationship why can't you cope with men? He's still the same guy. If he is one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet keep him as a good friend
2006-10-20 17:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Lupee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is being a hypocrite. You either approve with homosexuality on both sides of the fence or you disapprove of homosexuality on both sides of the fence. Anything else would be hypocritical.
2006-10-20 17:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by ms.melancholy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do you feel you need to say anything at all? Keep your thoughts to yourself even though they are hypocritical :)
2006-10-20 17:25:26 · answer #9 · answered by twinkletoes 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why should you find it offensive? It's private to him and does not harm you.
2006-10-20 17:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by malcy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋