is this being unreasonable?? please read...very important to me?

Question

i have agreed to name the 1st name of the baby after the father if it is a boy, and the middle name would then be my fathers 1st name, who passed away a few years ago so baby boys name would be Carlos John (Dads last name).
Well here is the problem, if it is a girl he wants either the 1st or middle name to be Delia (that is his moms name, she is alive & doing well). He also has another daughter that is named Delilah. My arguement is that it is too close to his other childs name to even be considered. to me it is virtually the same it is one sylable off, to me it sounds very similar, he says its not. he also says that if i am honoring a parent then he should be able to do the same, i say it is different because my father is dead, his mother is alive.
today we got into this same discussion, and he pretty much said that if i dont give the girl his moms name then regardless as to what the sex of the baby is, it wont have his last name. am i in the wrong? or is my concern reasonable?

Sorry i asked this already, but this is just really bugging me....

what type of compromise would you suggest??

we are still together but not married, and we wont even know the sex of the baby until almost dec...the issue is not over the last name (quite frankly i dont care about the last name ) it is over the whole delia, delilah thing...being too close to his daughters name, and also him mom being alive & well honestly i dont want it to be any part of baby girls name... it think it is WAYYYY to close to his other kids name

Answer 1

Well, I would definitely not use Delia as the first name if he already has another child with the name Delilah. Those are way too similar and it could lead to a lot of confusion, especially if the two girls would have the same last name. But even if they would have different last names, I'd still want to avoid Delia as a first name.

Using it as a middle name wouldn't seem so bad. Middle names are rarely used and so there wouldn't be the problem of confusion with her partner's older child.

Other compromises might be:
- Use your partner's mother's middle name or her maiden name.
- Use the initial 'D' but come up with another, different name.

We wanted to name my daughter after my deceased father, so we gave her his initials. We looked for first and middle names that would give her the same first and middle initials that my dad had.

Answer 2

no i understand where you are coming from. Delia and Delilah are pretty similar names. can't you compromise and make it the girls middle name if it is a girl?? he wants to honor his mother and he should be able to, but you guys also have to agree. if you got to honor your father then in turn it would make sense that he should have a chance to honor someone from his family...however, threatening you about not giving his last name to the baby is a little over the top. i hope that somehow you guys can pick a totally unrelated first name for your child and perhaps leave the Delilah for the middle name. it's all about compromise, but yeah i think having a Delilah and a Delia would be rather strange.

Answer 3

The two names are very similar- I would not name them so close- especially since his mom is still alive- you're right it is different, b/c your father was dead. (Sorry about your loss by the way)

You could always have it as the middle name-
Don't listen to the people that just call him a sperm donor and such- he may be being unreasonable now, but you two are about to have a baby- as for the part where he says if you don't do as he says he won't give the child his last name- that says a lot about him- he is being a complet butt- he should never say that it just shows him as being childish- in the end, it is your choice, but at least ask if it can be the child's middle name before you give up- I would not have it as the first.

Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 4

This is just the beggining of his selfishness. If the name is such a problem for the both of your use delia as the middle name. that way your both get what you want.As the mother you can give the baby any last name your want he really has no control over what you name the baby. I take it your not married if hes refusing his last name. Tell him you dont respond very well to threats and if he doesnt want to put his last name thats fine with you. All you really need from him is child support, and I dont think he wants to go that far. maybe your last name is better who knows how long this guy will be around after all he already left one child.

Answer 5

You are not unreasonable. If he already has honored his mother by naming another daughter Delia, then why would he want to name his other daughter that as well? It's like Michal Jackson naming both his sons Michael - CRAZY! Tell him that you will meet him halfway and give a daughter a middle name that starts with "D" but sounds different than Delia. How about Dana, Diana, Denise, Daryl, Drew, Donna, Dakota, etc..... Also tell him not the threaten you with the last name - the one who signs the birth certificate can name the baby and you can always tell the doctor to make sure you are the one to get it.

Answer 6

It's similar but not the same. Kind of like Mary, Marie, Maria.....different but similar. I'd say since it is so similar I'd go with letting it be the middle name. It honors her and also respects the too similar sounding names for you. I don't understand the threat of not having his last name though. If your not married and he's pulling this, I might be tempted to say fine, and leave his name off. If your married, then that subject is rather mute. I might give some serious thought if your not married as to how many Delia's and Delilah's he plans on fathering before he actually decides to get married.

Answer 7

I think you are both being unreasonable. Having 2 girls named delia and delilah is very sweet, even allowing them some bonding, since they are not full sisteres. The fact that his mother is still living makes no difference at all (they didn't knock off frank sr. in order for frank jr. to get his name!) It's an honor to have a baby named after you dead or alive. And, it's an honor for the child as well to take grandma's name. As for hubby, it is the most ridiculously selfish thing I've ever heard of to deny your child your last name because of what his/her first name may be. Good luck to both of you. God bless your baby.

Answer 8

I can really see your concern as to the girl's first name being so close to his other child's name, but I cannot see the conflict with possibly using it as a middle name. My Brother's name is James Arthur Mark Frederik (last name not used for privacy) and the middle name(s) can be important, but it does not define the child as much as the first name. So you have reasonable concern because this could turn into hot topic in your entire relationship, but why not allow Delia as a middle name? It would give him the satisfaction of honoring a parent and not link the baby as closely with his other daughter.

Answer 9

Use Delia as the middle name - compromise. It really isn't that huge of a deal if the names are similiar anyways as how often does a person even use there middle name? It is not worth a big argument-let it go and just use Delia -it's a very pretty name.

Answer 10

You will be the one filling in the birth certificate, name the baby whatever you want. If the guy isn't paying child support don't even put his name on the paper. As soon as you put his name on the paper he has rights as a father that you may regret giving him. This guy doesn't sound like someone whe will make a good father at any rate, what has he done for his first daughter???