Why do boys call each other gay?

Question

I am emo, skinny jeans tight shirts, studded belt belt buckles etc. Well nearly all the boys at my college that arent my friends call me gay. I am not in the slightest bit gay. I have had a girlfriend for the past ten months. I dont act or sound gay, i get comments from girls about being really hot, but i get comments from guys that go "He looks so gay", or "Hahaha ******"

I really dont understand why boys feel the need to call other boys gay, when they so obviously arent. Girls dont call each other lesbians.

One of my friends told me that the boys who continuously go on about other boys being gay are the ones that are themselves unsure of their orientation.

Any girls help me out?

Answer 1

I think that from early on in life, people learn to distance themselves from things that make them uncomfortable (that is, are different) or that they don't understand through teasing, mocking, and putting down. Sadly, this behaviour lasts well beyond the playground years. While we can't say for sure that these guys are behaving this way because they themselves are struggling with their orientation, it is clear that they are immature and unable to accept, understand, and are threatened by people that do things differently than they do. In this society, one of the most harmful things one can do, it seems, is label another person as an outsider. Calling another person's sexual orientation into question fits the bill, as it is shocking, makes something private public and is potentially shaming to that other person. It's an attempt to divide the world into "one of us/not one of us". Many people see things as black and white and comfortably negotiate their lives that way. It's disappointing, but important to remember that this is more reflective of their underdevelopment as people and sometimes the pressures of the company they keep than of anything to do with the target of their name-calling. Note that this behaviour happens when they are in groups rather than on their own, which makes me think that being a part of a group & belonging, is critically important to these guys. On their own, they may not have the confidence to express themselves and feel noticed or important.

This is one of those times where you don't need to ask, "What's wrong with me?" as much as, "I wonder what's going on with those guys that makes them need to make me feel bad in order to feel better about themselves?" With that attitude, you might even find yourself feeling compassion for these guys at some point in future. (Imagine)

Answer 2

If they don't mind, I am going reiterate what someone on here said: "Yeah it's now a replacement for the word "stupid", but they're too obnoxious and ignorant to think about what they're saying. They might just be homophobes so being called gay is a bad thing." I think this person phrased it perfectly. I'm in high school and this still happens. One time a teacher called a kid out and asked him to explain what he means when he called something "gay." When the guy said because the thing was "stupid" the teacher started questioning him why he uses "stupid" and "gay" as the same word. I don't know why people do this, but I never have said it, and I make sure I never do. I may speak up and say something the next time someone says something like that.

Answer 3

Guess you pretty good looking and lots of the girlie's at college swoon over you, that's why the guys call you gay because there jealous of you and will say that to have the girlie's go off you and hope they will hang round the nasties instead, I am under the illusion that men who continually call another man gay are very afraid of their own sexuality and bounce their insecurities onto others, ignore them, how sad and shallow are they to be like that to you, the only thing they will end up with in life is pity if they continue to gob off and hurt peoples feelings, women dislike men who call other men gay, just be yourself and ignore them.

Answer 4

I'm a guy, but some of the qualities you describe in the beginning are sometimes related to homosexuals. However, gays are usually noted for their good looks too.

Also gays are also stereotypically more effeminate, and less strong. So it's sort of an insult to a guy. But if girls like you, that's the main thing, and your guy friends know you're not gay, so who cares?

Answer 5

I'm not a girl, but I'll help you out.

Dude, when real men call other men "gay" what they're really saying is A)I'm gay and I need a date and you look f-able or B)I seriously question your masculinity.

And girls do call each other lez's- but thats considered to be socially acceptable. Don't ask why, but its true

When was the last time you went to the gun range and fired off a few rounds? When was the last time you went hunting, fishing or camping? When was the last time you worked on your car to make it go faster, or go motorcycling? These are considered to be hard core guy things,,,,

Answer 6

I think guys call other men "gay" for a simple reason: to make themselves feel more masculine than the target of their name-calling. The word "gay", among men, is used to downplay the "manliness" of others so that it somehow puts the name-caller at a higher status level.
As for your friend, there may indeed be some truth to what he/she said. I knew a guy who was homophobic big time, and he turned out to be gay himself.

Answer 7

Well, it's obviously a putdown. Many times people judge others by what they wear. Try wearing less tight or studded clothes. Wear baggy pants & shirts. See if the comments continue.

Answer 8

Your Friend talks a lot of sense...plus boys will be boys..take no notice that is the best way to answer them..they will soon get bored and move on to someone else.

Answer 9

I think the boys that are calling you gay are in fact trying to divert the attention from their own sexuality. It makes them feel macho.

Don't worry about it, you're brave enough to be yourself and let your true colours shine through...it's the blokes that aren't comfortable in their own skin and sexuality that have the issue.

(p.s: I think the emo look is verrrrry sexy)

Answer 10

Sounds like the guys at your college haven't grown up at all. I should know--I teach jr. high and they sound like 8th graders. I'd say they're jealous of you. Perhaps they are jealous of the types of girls you can attract and maybe they can't. Or maybe they're not secure about who they are and make fun of you to "fit in".