I have been married to M for 2 years and have a wonderful son together. Recently (about 2 months ago) we split and I relocated to another state with my family. First, I was decided to forget about him (he was very abusive and he had a lot of problems). He has always lied to me about things, so there is no trust in my part. But after a while I started to miss him. I truly have no idea as why, but I did. And then the real lies began. He then started to lead me on. He would never answer the phobe on weekends and recently I found out he is seeing someone else. (He denies it). I truly feel like I hate him. I feel betrayed, not because he is seeing someone else (I understand that he has to move on), but because of the lying. I now feel like our 5-year relationship was all a lie. I really feel like going down to Milwaukee and kicking his a**. I asked him not to call me anymore and he hasn't in five days (the most we have gone withouth speaking to one another). I need to continue counceling
2006-10-20 09:58:32 · 11 answers · asked by marla g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear Lisa,
He is my husband, not hers. I am seeking counseling. But I still feel very hurt. I just want him to call me because I want to hurt him. But at the end I am the one who gets hurt by his indeference. I am just a regular girl that is going thru a hard situation right now. My councelor saays not to dwell in the past but I can help but to think about all the bull that he put me thru and hate him even more.
2006-10-20 10:08:38 · update #1
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, l hope this helps
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-10-20 10:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by Cobra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please seek counseling and know he will cheat and lie even when he is telling her how much he loves her. I may not be the best person to advise, however, after being involved with a married man and realizing the lies he told me I can only imagine the lies he is telling his wife. You will miss him but you sound like the very type of woman I hate that I have been a part of deceiving the past few years once I realized his divorce was always going to be just around the corner.
2006-10-20 17:03:10 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
anyone who lies and is abusive is not worth your time.When you talk to him he feels he has that same control over you. You may miss him from a distance because you are out of the situation, but remember what it felt like when he was right in your face, lieing and knocking down your self esteem. It is not worth it. You are worth more than that and so is your child. There are millions of people in this world that will treat you kind and with the respect you deserve> Once trust is broken and the one who broke that trust makes no change, there is no way it will ever work out. Let this one go (he obviously doesn't care or he would kiss the ground you walk on considering you are the mother of his child. YOU"LL FIND THE RIGHT PERSON somewhere down the road, but in the mean time take care of yourself and look towards the future!!!!
2006-10-20 18:35:58 · answer #3 · answered by help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are hurting because you have invested time in dreams about what you though your life could be with him. All your dreams were based on how you felt and it seems evident he didn't have the same vision for your future. When you really think about it, is it him or the dreams that you miss?
I would love to tell you to stay away from him but there is a Child involved so you are going to have to deal with him. So I will just advise that when you do have to deal with him try to keep it short and to the point.
I agree that you should continue the counseling and keep your head up young person. This too will pass in time.
2006-10-20 17:22:47 · answer #4 · answered by Plain Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he was abusive and has problems doesn't mean that you don't still love the good side of him. You and him were together for 5 years it is nothing but normal to still have some type of feelings for him. But on the other hand you and your son can do a lot better the him. So forget about him and move on.
2006-10-20 17:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not hurting because you miss him. You are hurting because you spent five miserable years of your life with him, and you are still letting him treat you like crap. You didn't say who has custody of your son, but I really hope it is you. When you start feeling sad, just weight the good with the bad about being seperated.
Bad: you spent five years of your life letting someone treat you like S HI T, and now you miss him.
You are still letting him get you down!
Good:most importantly, you got a beautiful child out of the situation
You are single again and have the chance to meet someone who will treat you right.
You don't have to listen to his lies anymore
You don't have to let him abuse you anymore.
Get on with your life and use this as a learning experience.
Know the signs, and don't let someone ever treat you or your son that way again.
Good luck!
2006-10-20 17:06:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar issue about 2 years ago, once I went through the grieving process I and found that it was not my ex that I missed it was familluarity and routine. If I were you I would read a Book Called "Codes of Love" it helps you to learn how to work through your past by not looking back but looking forward. Try to occupy your time with you wonderful baby it will help you get through the transitional period. Good luck with your new life.
2006-10-20 17:05:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship like that for 7 of the longest, worst years of my life!!!!! we had two kids, and he was an absolutely horrible person. We divorced and I now have had custody of them for the past 5 years, we don't speak to him at all, and that is the best for me.If someone is bad to you, you owe it to yourself to end that relationship.why be with someone just to have a companion? even if it is the father of your child, you don't deserve to be unhappy!!!! keep your distance and you will soon stop missing him for the few measly nice things he did, and start remembering the reasons you left in the first place!!!!!
2006-10-20 17:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by dawn g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a wonderful person,he's not a good person. GOD sometimes have a strange way of getting you away from people who don't mean you any good!
2006-10-20 18:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by sharon j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea time to beat his ***... he lie too much.. he just think of his own needs...(whatever) he never think dat he is a father, he has a family he dont even care to everything... time to move on.. all u need to care about is ur son... even though u still love him... time to forget it.. ur hurting too much because.. u still love him but he lie to u too much...
2006-10-20 17:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by anne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋