Ok my boyfriend told me he loved me the second day we met. He ask me to marry him the second week. We have both been married before and have kids. My ex pulled some crap on week 3 and since then he (the boyfriend) has cooled off a little. Now last weekend he seemed back to the way he was in the first two weeks all hot and heavy and raring to go. He lives 50 miles away and we have talked about me moving there. I had originally told him that we could not live together but I changed my mind. He was under the impression that I was moving down but not that I was moving in with him. Well, last night I cleared it all up and he said "Don't you think that is moving a little fast?" This is the same man who asked me to wed after less than a month. Now I know he loves me and I am crazy about him so what is that about? We have been together for a while now and I spend every other weekend down there already. His kids love me so that's not it. Any ideas?
2006-10-20 08:46:52 · 15 answers · asked by platinumhen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should take your time with a guy like this. He seems really wishy washy and that could turn in to a total mess with both families living under one roof. It is a really big move to move your family in with someone else, and you should think about it a little more. What do your kids think about moving 50 miles away and going to different schools? Don't worry as much what he thinks, instead, Think about your family and what is best for them.
2006-10-20 08:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that your best bet is to slow down on your relationship- it is really hard to know that you love someone in 2 days and know they are someone you want to marry within 2 weeks. I am not saying that it could never work because I know people it DID work for, but if I were you, I would get to know this man MUCH better. It is virtually impossible to know someone in a month. I have spent the last 6 months, everyday, with the man I've been dating (and we live together) and I still don't feel like I know him. I do however know that I would spend the rest of my life with him, but I still think that we would need to spend much more time before that would even be seriously considered. Also, having kids involved can make it more difficult because you have to consider them and know that this man may be a threat to them, especially if you hardly know him. Suggestions would be to possibly pull up a background check on him (not even kidding) because there may be lots of things about him you should know that he may be keeping from you.
2006-10-20 08:57:09 · answer #2 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in general a person MAN or WOMEN who thinks they are in LOVE after two days ready to marry in 2 weeks HAVE ISSUES!. tHEY ARE NEEDY, controlling, low self worth, a whole bunch of issues. No one is in LOVE AFTER TWO DAYS and to say that after two days shows a mental problem on their part. He may be feeling now he jumped the gun and is trying to back off "by telling you moving is a little fast". Sounds like you were both looking for a fantasy fix it all trying to lean on each other.
2006-10-20 09:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful with this guy. I know men well. Some of them know how to manipulate a womans emotions to get what they want. The only reason I'm saying this to you is i recognize the pattern. He's all lovey dovey with you. Pulling on your heart strings. He in turn gets the sex he wants. He says he wants you fulltime. Then when you move in that direction it scares him. This guy is afraid of losing his freedom. He's not convinced he can settle for just one woman. If you move in, he'll be trapped. I suggest you give him more time or he'll run for cover. He's not ready yet. Good luck!
2006-10-20 09:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that his head has cleared a bit, and now he's being more reasonable.
I would turn around and run the other way from a guy who would be proposing me on the 2nd week; this is bad news.
2006-10-20 09:00:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok take a step back from it all and look at it form a 3rd persons view. you may have to take to just hold off on every thing for a bit. you might be tryign to move fast to fix some thing from your past ie your X. but if you sit and think it out and you love him you will know what you really want.
2006-10-20 08:53:14 · answer #6 · answered by Sam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're moving WAY too fast. Infatuation wears off and you'd better have something to fill the void or you'll end up divorced. Give it about six months, THEN move in together.
2006-10-20 08:51:25 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Check this out--does he match the profile?
~~~~~~ SIGNS OF AN ABUSER ~~~~~~~
1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.
(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of, "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper), or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
(12) RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If the abuse has gone this far -- it's time to get help or get out!
2006-10-20 10:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by Countess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something similar happened to me. I think they ask you things like that purely to see what you would say. But then when your answer is yes all of a sudden they aren't ready to move forward. Games, its all games. I hate people like that and I have found it to be a bad sign.
2006-10-20 08:53:45 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a relationship, a couple can never "move too fast" because no matter how careful you are, it will get monotonous in the end. I hate to say it, but that seems to be the truth unless you are extremely lucky and you never end up bored of one another.
2006-10-20 08:50:02 · answer #10 · answered by Tones 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋