Messed up..help!?

Question

I'm a really nice person, I love animals, people, nature, respect for all cultures and religions, but um...I have weird...sex fantasys, in which a man is getting tortured or hurt or even raped. I watched a movie called "Twelve Days of Horror" The whole thing was a bunch of hot lifeguards in tight suits, swimming around in the water getting eaten, and the whole thing was like a porno to me. Why does that turn me on? I am aware of the fact that I am demented and sick so please don't feel the need to post that thank you very much. Someone help!

I have a boyfriend and sometimes when we're making out he says that I am hurting him by either scratching him or biting his lip, I think I might subconsioucly (or however you spell it) have a negative impression towards men, do you think that could be it?

I would never, ever hurt a fellow human, I can't even bring myself to tap my kitten on the head when she's done something bad.

I have not had sex yet, and I don't plan to for a while, just so everyone's clear on that.

Answer 1

You are a sadist. Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering of others. Although more common now than ever, most would consider your sense of sexual delight an abnormality of society. However, these people neglect to understand the root of your desires (how and where it is derived).

Biologically, you are different—not necessarily depraved—just different. For sadist, as well as masochists, hormones are released differently under different circumstances. During painful experiences inflicted on yourself or others, endorphins are released which are perceived as pleasurable and in some cases psychologically addictive.

There are a number or reasons as to why you find sadism enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependant on the individual. Taken from wikipedia, a quote that may construe some of your unanswered questions:


“For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure. A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.
It is usually agreed on by psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards (Breslow, Evans, and Langley 1985). Like sexual fetishes, sadomasochism can be learned through conditioning—in this context, the repeated association of sexual pleasure with an object or stimulus.”

Although acceptable in sexual practice behind closed doors, it’s not condonable to take such pleasure when inflicting harm on others when it isn’t warranted. Hopefully you are capable of distinguishing what’s right from wrong.

Answer 2

Have you ever experienced rough sex? It might be something you would enjoy with the right partner. Did something happen in your past that would make you think like this? Did you have a bad encounter with a man where he made you feel less of a person and subconsciously you're taking it out on all men? As for being turned on about it, is it a control issue? Just some thoughts. But as always if you feel like you need concrete answers talk with a counselor. They can help to clear things up.

Answer 3

Scary... your sexual fantasy is scary lol.

I think you don't know yourself that well yet. You're probably are a sadist but, I would assume, in a worse degree in a sense that (as you said) you could hurt your partner subconsciously; although you probably haven't tried inflicting pain against your partner while having sex because you might be aware of your "sickness". Be carefull... you just might find real pleasure seeing your partner bleed while having sex with him the next time... like (I know this is a bad example but), one day you'll keep a knife under your pillow then just suddenly you'd pull it and start stabbing your partner while having sex... and even find satisfaction at the sight of his suffering.

You can try getting rid of that (scary) fantasy by, for example, watching softcore porn. Find the pleasure in it. It just might convince you that you can also find real pleasure in a non-violent sex. Or, unless if your partner is submissive, remember that the tendency of seriously injuring your partner is most likely possible without you being aware.

Answer 4

Everyone has their weird turn-ons, you're a perfectly normal human being, if you think about it, a lot of that stems from a hunting instinct. The only thing that could put you over the edge would be lack of an outlet for it. In that sense, porn and violent video games are healthy.

Control is a turn-on for people that don't have much, as far as injury or rape, I'm guessing it's also a form of control and possibly stems from something that happened in your childhood.

Answer 5

You should find other things to focus on.

If you're under 21 it's just a phase.

Sexual turn ons are not supposed to have anything to do with torture or death. That's not opinion, that's fact.

Having a fantasy is one thing, but making it a real tangible reality is entirely another.

If you feel compelled to cut anyone or cause them physical intentional harm because YOU get pleasure out of it, that's called Sadism and you will need to talk to a psychotherapist about it.

Answer 6

Everyone has fantasies, and I have heard of some really weird ones. I say as long as hurting someone is something you are not going to act on then, whatever works for ya hunny!

Answer 7

You need to meet real people in the real world