(Serious answers only please~not in the mood for jokes or smart behinds!)
Ok......so i screwed up.......had several cell phone conversations with a male co-worker-no physical relationship...phone conversations have been going on for about 2 months.....i am "flirty" anyway (drives my husband crazy) ........so is the male co-worker..........my husband found the cell bill and now is tracking my every move and phone call.........i have had no further contact with the co-worker........and am no longer working at the employer.........i want to rebuild our trust.....and save our marriage....i can't imagine my life without my husband......is there anyone out there who has been succesful at rebuilding after such incidents? is it possible? and how did you do it? and how can i change my personality so that it is not mispercieved by men? Thanks in advance for the help! May God Bless you!
2006-10-20 07:29:44 · 26 answers · asked by Carolina Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You will be okay. I kinda had the same situation. I was so pissed off at my husband and I had male friends from school. I started talking to them more than my hubby because they made me laugh. Of course he got jealous and thought something more was going on. All you have to do is let him know that you understan how he feels. You are a woman and we think defferently then men. Something very innocent to us could be very disrespectful to them. I don't have any male friends that I talk to anymore unless hubby also knows them. It takes a while. Just make sure he knows everyday that he is the only man in your life and you won't let anyone come between them ever again. Keep your promise. Men are complicated sometimes.
Your personality is almost impossible to change. You are who you are. Maybe you can change the way you react when other men approach you. Most of the time, if your friendly, they think they have a small chance to "get to know you better". Don't give out your number to men anymore. I am going through the same thing...Everything will be okay. Reassure him how much you love and respect him and it will never happen again.
Or you can tell him to go to hell...your choice....
2006-10-20 07:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why I did it. As a therapist that tells me she knows why but she fears the reason will hurt you as much or more then the actual affairs. From my point of view the reason seems to be tied to the father, which I hate to say likely means this is merely the first time she got caught. She is most likely a serial cheater. The reason is she has been conditioned to be with abusive men. Stating that all this guys where jerks shows that on some level she is looking for replicate the relationship with her father in the hopes that this time she can fix it. However what triggers the cheating is what she is holding back from you. I'm guessing sex with you isn't allowing her to express herself. I'm guessing she has some sexual desires that she is ashamed to share with you or fear you will judge her. So by being with this other men it allows her to explore these desires. As a therapist I will tell you this is one of the toughest things to work though. First you have to get her to be honest with you. As I said, there is a longer list of partners then she is tell. I would even say that she has cheated you entire relationship, barring a short period here and there where she could suppress the urges. Second you have to ask yourself if you can get past it what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. Because not only is this not the first time it likely won't be the last. You should know that she does likely really love you, and at this moment has no intent on cheating again. But she will. Get to a therapist yesterday, and get yourself ready for a really rocky road. Ready yourself for a split I'm guessing you won't handle every thing well once you truely understand what your dealing with. Good luck
2016-03-18 22:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-wife and I werent able to salvage it after her affair, but I think it's possible.
The one thing that would have made it possible in our case is if she had been completely honest about it at the time.
It's a horrible time for one cheated on and they feel absolutely lost and dont know how to handle it. To make matters worse they dont get the full story.
Heres my advice, arrainge a time with no interuptions, explain that you love him dearly and dont want to go your seperate ways.
Tell him that you will answer any questions he has completely and honestly, and I mean completely and honestly. Do not give half truths or omit details, if he discovers that you werent honest he will feel he can never trust you again, tell him things he didnt even know.
Take it from a person with experience, I would find out something, confront her, she would admit only to what I could prove and deny all else. I would do a little more detective work and discover she was lying again, she admit that one but deny evrything else, this would go on for weeks until I could prove every point.
I honestly feel like if she had told me the honest truth, good, bad, or ugly. I could have dealt with it in time and moved on. But honestly the lying was worse than the affair.
Good luck
2006-10-20 07:41:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to take a long time, you are going to have to live under the microscope for a while, Once he figures out that you arent going anywhere he will relax, You night also want to try counseling to get to the bottom of the issues that made you want to flirt with another man. Emotional affairs are just as harmful as physical affairs. Tell him that you are sorry and that it wont happen again, and then show him by taking care to not flirt wiht other men. Time heals everything given the chance
2006-10-20 10:42:42 · answer #4 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really up to your husband if he can't get past this he will make your life so miserable that you will again seek another man for comfort. Tell your husband a couple of times that nothing happened, and that you will try to be better, if he can't get his mind to a place where he have moved past it then you can't do anything to force him too. Sorry for the pain but it's better to deal with it now than to spend the next 5 years being held in emotional limbo hoping he forgives you.
2006-10-20 07:34:55 · answer #5 · answered by medic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from personal experience that although he may say he trusts you and that everything is fine, in his mind he really doesn't and it will be ongoing forever more. In my situation, after 7 years, I STILL get the comments and wise cracks daily from my husband and I STILL can sense the non-trust issues and even tho I've tried to rebuild his trust for me, it will never happen.
2006-10-20 07:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by juicyfruit_69_2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to my wifey for 10 years...she did the same exact thing you did. Only she actually went out to lunch with him..he was her customer "purchaser" at the time. She is in sales.
She lied and lied about talking to him and i got her phone bill and even got her cell phone code to check her voice message's...I was floored with what I heard.
If he was hurt,crushed,devastated,heart ripped out, like i was then I highly doubt he's gonna ever be able to trust you again. It will always be in the back of his head and things will never be the same again.
Shame on you !!! You deserve it if he leaves you. What were you thinking?? How would you like if your husband was talking and flirting with chicks from work ?? "So you screwed up" the way you say that like it's no big deal... You sound just like my now EX WIFE and us few good men are better off without women like you!!
2006-10-20 07:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Bear 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello there,
I think you can rebuild the trust, it will just take time. Remember that TIME heals all wounds. So, just sit back, do things as you once did before flirting with guy on phone and I would suggest ceasing the flirtatious behavior for a while. OK
2006-10-20 07:36:40 · answer #8 · answered by six7foru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the trust can be rebuilt but it will take time, at least you didn't actually do the deed but still he feels like you did, you need to look him in the eye and assure him you will never do that again and that you will spend the rest of your life making it up to him and that you will help him get over his mistrust of you thru your actions take it from someone who knows it can be done
2006-10-20 14:03:06 · answer #9 · answered by chameleon5657 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most importantly you have regain your husbands trust at whatever expense. You screwed up. Go to counseling. Let him look through the phone bill and don't complain. When he checks those numbers and sees that they are legit and nothing odd is going on this will help him regain your trust.
2006-10-20 07:38:13 · answer #10 · answered by Keke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋