what do you think of my poem??

Question

Never Meant To Be

You said you really cared for me
But that you liked us both
And in the end you finally told me
It was her you had to choose

Your relationship didn't last that long
Because you never really got along
So go ahead and play that sad old song
Because you realized you were wrong

You said all you two did was argue
And that you should have known from the start
But you didn't see all the signs that were there
That it just wasn't going to work..

Well that I could have told you
But you wouldn't have listened if i did
Even though you say your glad it wasn't meant to be
You know you deep down you still want it to be

You say you made a mistake
That you should have chosen me
You didn't know she was so fake
And its just so hard to take

You say you want me now like you always should have
But I sit here and realize that all we do is argue too
so how do I know our relationship will last that long
when me and you can't get along

I was your backup girl in case you lost your first choice
So you have probably another, waiting to take my place
Your not a player, no that parts true..
But you cant just pick every girl then say we're through

You say you like me and always have
And that you really want to give us a shot
But its just not meant to be
You never really wanted me

You say you want it so bad
And that deep down you always did
But I'm not gonna play that sad old song
When you realize yet again your wrong

Because we too will come to a fast end
You think we'd make it as more than just friends
All we do is play stupid mind games
Calling each other stupid names

So as much as i want it, i just can't let it be
We have to move on and let our feelings be
Because who knows who will be to blame
When our relationship goes up in flames

Answer 1

Linds,
Poem is fine. Easy to comprehend and shows introspection and determination. Edit for grammar, punctuation and capitalization.
Try You and I instead of me and you. Use You're, not your.
Nothing is better than examining yourself and having standards that you hold everyone to. Mature thought brings wisdom. Date all your work and compile it. It will teach you, even, five years from now. Thank you for sharing.

Answer 2

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay To Wordy

Answer 3

NOT too long: beautifully expressed. You might want to do a little rewording to make it more symetrical: perhaps make all rhyming or all not.

Other than that - great work! And very mature: stick to your guns and don't fall for this guy (although it sounds as though you see through him and won't give in). Congrats on a great job!

Answer 4

Well, your poem portrayed your feelings succinctly and with emotion. The only criticism I would give is that its tad bit high school drama-ish. HOWEVER, if you are in high school then I suppose this would not be considered a criticism.
Good job!

Answer 5

a little long but it was nice.. you repeated your same point quite a bit though, maybe you could shorten it up and take out some of the things that kind of say the same thing.

Answer 6

I think you should shorten it. Its not to moving either. I'm sorry to critisize but at the very least you have the courage to try. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I think it's great. You can make it into a song. lol
i like this part
'Because who knows who will be to blame
When our relationship goes up in flames'

Maybe u can put in more detailed feelings or
put in dialogues (make it more 'lively')

Answer 8

Forgive him, thank God it worked out the way it did, and pursue what you love to do. Thanks for sharing such a painful time with others. Maybe they will think twice and not get hurt like you did.

Answer 9

i think your poem is beautiful and straight from the heart, i am so envious of your ability to write such truthful words, i hope that who ever broke your heart is really regreting it,and perhaps if they read your poem they might grow up.

Answer 10

I really loved it keep up the good work