He was never going to tell me because he says he loves me. We have been married for 15 years and had the "perfect" marriage. I am still his best friend and he says that I did absolutely nothing wrong. He says he lost the "spark" and the "magic". I love him and do want the best for him. My question is : He said to me "If I wanted to try again, How do you see it working?" Please guys help. What is he really saying? I think I know but I want to hear from someone that speaks men-language.
2006-10-20 06:41:17 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds to me like he is trying to keep you on "hold or in reserve". You should in my opinion distance yourself from him and get on with your life, after all how could you ever trust him after what he has done to you. Good luck.
2006-10-20 06:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by Goofy Goofer Goof Goof Goof ! 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to give advice from afar, but sounds like he wants an easy option. 15 years is a long time just to throw away in an instant. Takes years to build up trust but seconds to destroy it.
IF you still Love him, will he agree to dump the other person permanently? After all, he has known that person for 3 years already.
Do you think you could BOTH start your relationship afresh? Communicate with each other? share interests together and rekindle your initial flames? Or would you be prepared to share?
YOU and HE are the only two people who can honestly answer your own situation and feelings for each other. Both take timeout, relax, be honest and find out exactly what you BOTH want at the end of the day.
Hope you'll be happy in whatever decision or compromise you both come to. Life's too short to be bitter and twisted.
2006-10-20 06:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically, men lie. The biggest thing I see here is how all of a sudden did he refind the "spark and magic" to make your marriage work again and whats going to happen if he loses it on down the road? Obviously, you didnt lose that loving feeling so why did he really do this to you? He is afraid of losing his security blanket which you have been thru all this but then he did it to himself here and has no one to blame but himself. Can you live with him with the thought of what could happen if he doesnt like status quo? He comes home late one night and your imagination will go wild. So ask yourself, are you better off with him knowing what you do or without him knowing you wont have to put up with his crap again? An affair for 3 years is a long time to deceive someone you love and then just expect her to forget and forgive and carry on like nothing happened. Move on to a better life and good luck. Also sue him for divorce and be sure to get everything you are legally entitled to
2006-10-20 06:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I read it as he also loves you very much, but wants to know how would the both of you change things so that he doesn't lose the "spark" and the "magic", because whatever you were doing got you to where you are now and he doesn't want to be there either.
Its a very good sign and an honest one. You will have to deal with the betrayel and re-build trust which will take a long time (some articles say that it takes a MINIMUM of 2 year to start to rebuild and it still might not fully heal). HOWEVER, it sounds like he's open to making a good start of rebuild your life together.
Good Luck
2006-10-20 08:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
To me this sounds like a guy who has gotten away with something for far too long, seeing that back then the so called spark was the fear of being caught. think about it why do some couples make love in public? or on open spaces? he got caught and now he is back in a position of not having to worry about getting caught out.
failing that whoever this person he is having the affair with has just ''not got it anymore'' he feels that maybe after an easy way out he thinks he can simply apologise say he will work at things at wangle his way back.
he obviuosly realised what he has lost.
bye all means be friends with him but please honey dont take him back, stick with your decision it will be for the best and he will appreciate it later too.
if you want my advice he is a very lucky man to have you still as a friend.
THIS IS A MANS' POINT OF VIEW.
good luck xxx
2006-10-20 07:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by Gary L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Try again": Man speak for " You forget all the bad stuff I did and we go back to the way it was before you found out." Other interpretations can include, "I'm sorry", "I really messed up", "I won't do it again" but not necessarily.
He's really asking if you miss the way it was or do you want to move on. And if you miss it, what conditions are required to unseparate.
He may have figured out that the affair wasn't really worth it but you can't tell. A cheater is a cheater. It just comes down to opportunity and motive. If he can and wants to, he will cheat again. Can you accept that?
2006-10-20 06:51:01 · answer #6 · answered by Steve M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't want to tell you because he knew you would leave him & that would affect his cushy life. If you take him back he will only be sneakier next time & believe me there will be a next time. In my experience once a man has discovered that he can get away with hiding it for as long as three years he will waste no time in beginning another affair, if indeed the first one is really over. Men are just walking hormones - no brain required.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
You deserve better. And there is no such thing as perfect.
2006-10-20 06:47:27 · answer #7 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I separated 3 months ago. I found out he had been having an affair for 3 years with another guy?
2006-10-20 06:43:04 · answer #8 · answered by god knows and sees else Yahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT A CAT IN HELLS CHANCE WHY BECAUSE ITS ONE THING HAVING AN AFFAIR A ONE NIGHT STAND BUT THIS FELLA HAD TWO RELATIONSHIPS ON THE GO.
WHAT IF SHE HAD VD OR ANY OTHER DISEASE.
HES YOUR BEST FRIEND HE WAS TILL HE SELFISHLY JUMP INTO BED WITH HIS NEW PLAYMATE THAT WENT OUT THE WINDOW SORRY MIGHT SEEM HARSH IVE BEEN MARRIED 23 YEARS AND MY WIFE WORKS IN ENGLAND SHES MY BEST FRIEND AND WE ARE NOT A UGLY COUPLE BUT I OR SHE WOULD NEVER RUIN THE LOVE AND AFFECTION WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. SORRY THREE YEARS HES DECIDED HO **** JUST LOST 15 YEARS OF BLISS AND ITS NOT AS GREEN ON THE OTHER SIDE .
SO SWEET HEART GET RID OF THE LOSER AND FIND A MAN THAT TREATS YOU RIGHT CAUSE IF YOU GO BACK TO THAT *** YOULL ALWAYS WORRY WHATS HE DOING NOW TRUST RESPECTS GONE LOLXXX
2006-10-20 07:34:13 · answer #9 · answered by tonyinspain 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 3 year affair is not a fling. I think he is looking for you to take him back because of stability and the comfortableness of 15 yrs with you.
The question is: how do you feel, and what do you want?
2006-10-20 06:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by draws_with_crayons 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he did not love you enough. or he would never of had the afair in the first place. and if he had lost the spark. he should have talked to you. my advise. forget that freind stuff. he's been a bastard to you. no one desurves to be treated like he has treated you. now that you are seperated. and for the better. move on. he cant be trusted. clear you head. take some time out. and find some1 who will treat you with repect. and love you for real.
2006-10-20 07:29:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋