Getting in the middle of a divorce?

Question

One of my best friends is getting a divorce. He has asked me to talk to his wife.

His wife has never liked me, and it's no secret that I've ever liked her. She is acting very unreasonable, and I know if I go, there is a good chance I will say something that will just hurt the chance of my bud getting back with his wife. So I don't think I should go and get in the middle of it

However, she wont listen to him at all, and honestly, he has not done anything to deserve this. He can't get in touch with her, and he is begging to talk to her.

What to do what to do? I don't want to let him down, but I don't want to make things worse. I also don't want her to think he sent me to talk because he's scared or something.

Answer 1

I have two suggestions. The one I'm thinking is best is, stay out of it. Regardless of his feelings, or hers - this is not your battle. You can't fix their marriage. Tell him to try writing her a letter, send it in the mail, she can read it and it gives him a chance to speak his mind without her interrupting him, or walking away. My other suggestion, if you feel compelled to help your friend (but again, I don't think getting involved is a good idea at all), then you can attempt to talk to her - you can start off by saying, I know you don't care for me, but I'm not doing this for myself and would appreciate you giving me a minute of your time. Don't sound as if your siding with your friend or she'll shut you out the minute you start talking. Just speak of the facts, NICELY and calmly. Again, I'd stay out of it. If this guy is really a friend, then he'll understand why you shouldn't get involved. If you truly want to help him, help him compile the letter, so he is sure to say what he needs to say, in the right way. That's about as involved as you should get. Good luck!

Answer 2

You can only make things worse by interfering. Take some friendly advice...don't do it. Either way your going to have problems. If you don't do what he asks at least you've got a better chance of keeping your friendship alive than if something goes wrong during the discussion with her. Tell your friend to back off for awhile, as hard as it will be. Pushing her now will only lead to disaster. Restraining orders are very easy for the woman to get even if he's just trying to talk...and she doesn't want to. She can get one against either of you, just because she thinks she's being harrassed. She needs time to cool down a bit...then maybe they can talk. Whatever he does...tell him NOT to keep calling or going by the house. If she says he's harrassing her, they will arrest hiss a** and then the real problems will start.

Answer 3

STAY AWAY! If you think you could make matters worse chances are that you will, especially if you two have had a mutual dislike for each other. I'm sure the last person she wants relationship advice from is someone she doen't like. Tell your friend to send her a letter or card in the mail. Be honest with him and tell him you'll be glad to help him in any other way but that it's just not a good idea for you to speak with her at this point. If he's your friend he'll understand.

Answer 4

I understand your just trying to help you friend and that's okay. But they are certain things which you cant do for your friends. A divorce is a very difficult situation and I think the best thing you can do is stay out of it. Let the lawyers and your friend handle the situation. You even said it yourself, "I don't think I should go and get in the middle of it". I think you pretty much answered your question. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

Youre right here. You dont want to get in the middle of this especially if she doesnt like you because she may even start thinking theres something going on between you two. Hes headed into a contested divorce with her and its going to get ugly. Just tellhim that for his sake and not to make things worse for him which is exactly what would happen and theres no guarantee shes going to listen to you anyhow, that you just want to stay out of this but will remain his friend. He shouldnt have evn asked you to do this anyhow knowing the feelings between you two, to do his dirty work. Its their marriage so he better learn real quick how to deal with his wife

Answer 6

Ouch!!!
Your in a bad place.
He needs to fight his own fights.
Anything else will be self castration.
Maybe part of what he needs to do is stand up for himself.
His wife wants to know she married a man NOT a boy who has his friends fight his fights.
He needs to find the confidence to stand on his own and maybe then she will respect him.
PLUS I've seen the situation of the wife banging the friend she hated as like one last jab to say "See your friend is more of a MAN than you".

My advise tell your friend no and back out of it any way you can.

Answer 7

Tell your friend that you will always be there for him. Let him vent about it but just listen. Do not get involved in the divorce. You can't fix things and his wife may resent your interference.

Answer 8

You sound like a great friend to have. Just tell your friend how you feel and that you think you may make things worse between them if you try to talk to her. He will understand and thank you for your help anyway.

Answer 9

This is a no win situation. Do everyone a favor and do not get involved. Tell you best friend you will do almost anything for him, but this is pushing the envelop. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I can symphasize with your concern and wanting to help a friend but my advice to you would be to: be there for your friend as a friend , and offer all the comfort you can but inform him you are not quilified to intervene on the situation as a mediator and you could help by finding them a counselor and show your support this way.