i have agreed to name the 1st name of the baby after the father if it is a boy, and the middle name would then be my fathers 1st name, who passed away a few years ago so baby boys name would be Carlos John (Dads last name).
Well here is the problem, if it is a girl he wants either the 1st or middle name to be Delia (that is his moms name, she is alive & doing well). He also has another daughter that is named Delilah. My arguement is that it is too close to his other childs name to even be considered. to me it is virtually the same it is one sylable off, to me it sounds very similar, he says its not. he also says that if i am honoring a parent then he should be able to do the same, i say it is different because my father is dead, his mother is alive.
today we got into this same discussion, and he pretty much said that if i dont give the girl his moms name then regardless as to what the sex of the baby is, it wont have his last name. am i in the wrong? or is my concern reasonable?
2006-10-20 06:25:16 · 33 answers · asked by miss me! 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
what type of compromise would you suggeat??
2006-10-20 06:25:46 · update #1
what type of compromise would you suggest??
2006-10-20 06:26:54 · update #2
we are still together
2006-10-20 06:28:29 · update #3
but not married, and we wont even know the sex of the baby until almost dec...the issue is not over the last name (quite frankly i dont care about the last name ) it is over the whole delia, delilah thing...being too close to his daughters name, and also him mom being alive & well
2006-10-20 06:30:59 · update #4
honestly i dont want it to be any part of baby girls name... it think it is WAYYYY to close to his other kids name
2006-10-20 06:32:21 · update #5
i'm on ur side. for one, i think the name is too similar to his other daughter. and two, i think u should not name a baby after ur parent unless they are deceased. the child needs a name that can go with her own personality and choosing one grandparent over the others is unfair.
what about using his mothers first or middle name for the babies middle name? we might do that with my son (but with his grandpa not grandma LOL)
2006-10-20 06:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by confused mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would not name the baby something so close to the other name, isn't the other kids name honoring his mother? close enough! And why should he get to have his name in the boys name and his mom's name in the girls name, it's not like your doing that. I think he's just trying to back you into a corner (with the not using his last name) to get his way. Don't make the mistake of giving in on a name you don't want because you have to deal with it every time you say the name. He's being stubborn and that's not fair. Your concern is very reasonable. I don't know how far along you are, but sometimes the names change at the last minute. so maybe agree to disagree for now. And I don't know if this is your first baby, but most women make the mistake of not standing up for what they want until they have the next one. I hear that all the time.
2006-10-20 06:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mommie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that His mother has already been honored by his other daughter. This child needs a different name, and yes I agree the two names are too close to even be considered. Tell him that you will make a compromise. If it is a girl, the two of you can sit down together and choose some names that start with that letter or you can even say that since his mother has been honored you would like to honor your mother. We did something like that with my little girl, her name is Mary Wilayne, my mothers name is Marilyn and his mothers middle name is Wilane, pronounced the same, spelled different. If you like the family influence sugguest some other names from your family like your and his grand parents, aunts uncles, etc. My son was named after my husbands brother and my cousin who both had passed away a while back and we got permission to use those names first, so as not to stir up anything. Just a hint! Good luck!
2006-10-20 06:37:04 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being reasonable. I would not name my child almost the same name as his child with a different woman. You have to go through all of the pain and you will have to do all of the work. If he does not want to give his child his last name because of something so small like that what is he going to do when something big comes along. When I had my first child I picked the first name and he picked the middle name and it all turned out fine. Try it and good luck!! Congrats on the new baby also!!
2006-10-20 07:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you aren't married, you hold all the cards. You don't even have to ask him to name the baby. You can name it whatever you want. (At least in Texas, it's that way.)
I think that by him already having a daughter that is named after his mother, that is sufficient enough to honor his mother. I think he's being childish about the entire baby naming thing.
What he should be concerned about is choosing a name that you both can agree on, not contributing to your stress level during pregnancy. He's being a real jerk.
I think Delia would be a wonderful middle name.
Let the topic cool for a while. After all, you don't have to name the baby until it's here. Just get a list of names that you like and be ready to name your baby even without him, if it comes down to it.
I'm also thinking it may be best to give the baby your last name since he hasn't seen fit to marry you yet.
I threatened my then fiance with that before we got married. That was a factor in helping him to decide he was ready to get married because he wanted children as much as I did. Plus, he didn't realize that I could give the baby my last name.
Something to think about.
2006-10-20 06:43:40 · answer #5 · answered by stocks4allseasons 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand what you mean. IF that was me I'd feel exactly the same as you do now. It is way to close to his other daughters name. And if its a question of him wanting his moms name in his childs name, he already has in a way with his other daughter. Try telling him you don't have a problem with having a name from a member of his family, just try and explain you just don't want that name. And if he says that the baby should have his moms name even if its a boy, well, thats not right is it. Try sitting him down and talking through things with him, and I hope things go well for you. Good luck x
2006-10-20 10:12:55 · answer #6 · answered by Amy D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not married and will not be married before you deliver the baby, name the child EXACTLY what you want to name her. You have that right. You can name the child Mickey Mouse if you want to, the father has no right as to the child's name if you are unwed at the time of delivery. You can even give the child his last name if you want to, he can't stop you. My advice to you, being that I've been in your situation, is to give the child your last name, because the chances are very high that you will be the primary care giver, and that this father might not be around all that much. If he ends up being in the child's life and a good relationship between the two of you continue, and let's say you decide to marry after the child is a few years old, you can always legally change the baby's name to his last name.
2006-10-20 06:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by Neeners 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not being unreasonable at all. He already has a child with a name relating to his mother. He needs to stop being so selfish. Plus his mom in ALIVE AND WELL! To compromise maybe you can use his grandma name as a middle name. Middle names are always the way to go when naming the child after someone because you still want to be unique.
2006-10-20 06:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by Confused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well mama it sound as though to me that you don't want to make comprimise and you are being selfish! Dead or alive he would like to honor his mother for all things she has been to him and done for him! Without her he would not be here and you would not be having his child. Do you love this man? If so show some comprimise! He was willing to have the baby if it were a boy to be named after your father so why dont you name the girl Delia Johniyya(after your daddy RIP)!!! Thats fair right and if worse comes to worse do like me and my babydad did and put both names in a hat and pick the names out of that hat thats fair and square. Ultimately I won lol!!!
2006-10-20 06:35:20 · answer #9 · answered by yousexythangyou 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is willing to write off the child over something as trivial as a name argument, then you and the baby are better off.
Also, what is his relationship like with his other daughter? What about her mother? You can kind of use this as a rough guide to fill you in on what the future will be like for you.
A lot of people say it's better to have a bad dad than no dad. Well I think that is crap.
If he isn't in it for the long haul- thick and thin- then send him packing now. Make room for someone else who will love you and the baby unconditionally!!
2006-10-20 06:33:36 · answer #10 · answered by baby_girl_8881 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋