Should i stay with my husband or should i accept my ex boy friend agian?

Question

I am married with a man who been cheated me several times but i always been pacient for the sake of our child, we have one daughter who is 1 and half year old now. And i ve meet my ex boy friend two days ago and we were able to sat down and talk many things and we found out how much we really missed each other, he told me that he been very inlove with me and i did the same, and we decided to change our phone number and we did meet today agin. we just been walking up to the mountain and talk for 3 hours. I am not afraid that my husband will find it out that i have contact with him again but i am more afraid for my step daughter because i dont want that she gets hurt, i think that i will hurt her more than her father if they found out about my ex bf. we have had so many arguements with my husband for the pass few days. And he say that he wants to move out with his daugther i don\t know if i should let him go because i am thinking about my child. i had a great time today with my ex.

Answer 1

Past relationships can be tricky. Especially when your current relationship is not that stable at the moment.

A lot of times people cling to the memories of the good in their past relationship, ignoring all the bad things that happened. Obviously, something happened between you and your ex or you would not be broken up. You might want to revist that time and really think about it.

If you want to work on your marriage, then I highly suggest seeing a marriage counselor. It sounds like you have had some issues with trust, and that is a HUGE part of marriage. If you don't have that, then you will never last. You need to learn how to rebuild that and if it is even possible.

I hope things work out for you in the end.

Answer 2

Let's first make it clear whether the daughter in question is your own or your step daughter. If it is the latter, your motherly concern for her is commendable. Since she is so important to you and you don't want her to know about your relationship with your ex boy friend and get hurt, have you made any sincere effort to make your husband mend his philandering ways, so that the three of you can live as a really happy family? If he has retorted to your pleadings with a threat to leave with his daughter, knowing your weakness for her, you should have let him do it. Because such a reaction on his part is a slap on your dignity. If he is such an incorrigible wretch leave him at all costs. When your step daughter grows older and becomes mentally mature, she will herself realise what kind of a creature her father is and empathise with you. Maybe she will return to you voluntarily some day. In my opinion, it is surely painful on your part, but unavoidable all the same.
About your relationship with your ex boy friend, I think it is more out of a spirit to avenge the breach of trust from your husband. Or maybe to escape the humiliation and oppressive atmosphere at home and find comfort in the company of the man you once loved and trusted, but for some reason had failed to marry. Or perhaps both. This might suit you fine for the time being, but is hardly beneficial in the long run. Do make sure that your ex boy friend REALLY has the same feelings and concerns, he once had for you. That he is not enjoying without taking actual responsibility by exploiting your emotional insecurity. When you want to start life afresh, it is worthwhile to use your mind and not your heart and select a partner you can really trust. Specially as you have been cheated once already.

Answer 3

Geeze, honey, where has the ex been all of this time??? I guess you can't stop your husband from leaving with his daughter, though. I think it's too soon for you to make a life-changing decision. Just don't get too hot and heavy with the ex. Stay away from him a bit. The "new" might wear off soon or he might just want a bootie call. You are married, remember? You should terminate that relationship before starting a new one...or you're just a cheating wife. You want to be that? Anything you do will affect the kids. So sit down and think about all of this...before making a move. Godloveya.

Answer 4

Neither of you has any friend-type intention toward the other, so what's the point? Simply ix-nay request w/o a word. Just ignore. Wait and see how friendly she is about custody/support/visits, etc. You'll require a civil relationship to do this well. No more is req'd unless friendship issues naturally from events still to come. Ditto requests from her friends, and be guarded in what you reveal on fb. Assume it will be used against you any which way but loose. Never reveal anything on the Web you wouldn't want your employer or your spouse to know. Remember: Not everyone deserves the truth about your circs or about your feelings. Just b/c someone asks to see either doesn't mean you should comply. Don't be mean but don't set yourself up for what can only be unpleasantness at this stage. Give your young and already stressed marriage a while to meld. No pix of the kids or any details about your married life. If she persists, explain simply you'd be pleased to provide information about the kids required for their care when they are with her but that your personal life is simply that - personal - and that you hope you'll be able to maintain a relationship that respects/facilitates custody arrangements in spite of obvious differences.

Answer 5

I feel your confusion, however, I also think you are being blinded by raw emotion. Before you decide to let your husband go, ask yourself first, if your roles were reversed and he was talking and meeting with his ex how you would honestly feel. Also ask yourself if you had no contact with any other man, how would you feel? And lastly but in my eyes most importantly, ask yourself if you weigh out the good, and the bad which one wins? At one time you felt enough for this man to accept the responsibility of being his daughters stepmother, and now his child's mother. Do your recent feelings outweigh the pride you will feel when your children grow up and have you as a role model as someone who sticks it out when the going gets tough? Or will you stump their own growth by having them grow up and never truly see their mom happy? They will be happy if you are, at the same time, they will learn from you. I wish you clarity and strength to get through this. If you are a believer, trust in God to help you through. And take your time deciding.

Answer 6

If you are going to leave your husband which I would do, Do not let it be because of this xb. Let it be because you truly think you'll be happier without him. Running from one relationship to another means carrying recent painful baggage into another life. There must have been a reason youy left the x and now in your emotional state he's like a godsend and old feelings are easily rekindled. Be careful. give yourself time to get over your unfaithful husband. Tell the x to wait and if he really loves you he will.
As for your child a happy environment with just Mom will be better for her than a tension and pain filled one with Mom & Dad.

Answer 7

JUst think about why he is your ex. If your staying w. a man who has cheated on you, you're being foolish. Too many people "stay for the child" In the long run it'd be better if they had seperated because it gets worse between the couple, not better. Just think back on WHY he is your ex. Don't move too soon. Think about it.

Answer 8

So he cheated on you and that made it ok for you to do the same to him? I dont agree with that way of thinking. I think that you should try to work it out with your husband. Try to get some counseling. You have a child and you owe her at least that much. Divorce is hard on children, if you can save the marriage then you need to do it. Please dont just take the easy way out, remember the vows.

Answer 9

If the person you are with cheats on you, then you need to leave. Talk to the child, help them understand. You dont have to tell them the exact reasons, but help them understand and get them counseling. It helps kids way more than you would think at times like this.

you need to do whats right for yourself right now, and I would bet thats not being with either person. But why stay with a cheater?

Answer 10

Wait. daughter? Step-daughter? Which is it? Your whole diatrabe here is a rambling mass of contradiction. Do what you want. You're going to anyway. in any case I suspect the decison you make will be no better than the situation you have now.

Oh...glad you had a nice time today.