wanted to be by himself again so that he could do whatever he wanted. We were arguing ( as usual) and today I made plans with my mother, who lives out of town, to go over there for a week just so that I could give him his space because I know that he is stressed out from work and stuff. I thought that I was being considerate because we both need our space every once in a while. When I told him of these plans he freaked out and told me that I could not go and that if I did go, then it would be over between us and that he would not be there when I got back home. I don't get it, I was just trying to give him what we both needed without breaking up. I thought that it was a good idea. Why did he act like that? An answer from a man's point of view would be great.
2006-10-20 06:21:29 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
He probably interpreted your plans to spend a week with your mother (and give him more space) to be a temporary separation - something a wife might do to send a strong message to her husband and an indication that the marriage is in big trouble. I think your perspectives on the week-long time out were quite different. You saw it as something routine and positive, whereas he saw it as something unusual, directly connected to your argument with him and an indication that the marriage is in trouble (i.e., something very negative).
2006-10-20 06:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by Perplexed Music Lover 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmm, I can only say so much because I only know what you said up there. It sounds to me though, that he's a bit controlling? Usually when one partner wants to be able to do what ever they want (whether they need it or not) but doesn't want the other one to be able to do what ever they want (whether they need it or not) it's not a good thing, a sign of control. You should be able to go to your mother's house for a week if you want! Especially if "he wants some space". He's threatening you with an ultimatum. Stay here or I'm leaving, and that's just not right for him to want to go do whatever he wants and keep you there waiting for him like it's okay. Ignore it and do what makes you happy, and if he's really willing to leave you over that? Doesn't sound like you've got a great marriage going on in the first place (no offense) Hope this was of some help, have a good one!
2006-10-20 13:27:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
this seems somewhat irrational to me - and I am a man. but a few observations - let's say you ask a man how he feels about something, a woman can tell you right away, but a man takes about 8-10 minutes or more to try to think about this, we aren't in touch with our feelings that much. When a man is under stress he will essentially go and try to find a place to hide in a sense his little nothing box - something where he doesn't have to think and can do something mindless - look at what men do, they watch sports they go fishing they work out, they collect things or do simple stuff that doesn't take a lot of brain power. Some time out time is good to regroup. My wife died suddenly in June but when she was here if there was an argument and there hardly ever was we might take a 30 minute time out - that way he doesn't feel you are going to leave him or anything, but it gives both ofy ou time to cool - don't ever go to bed mad.
but it sounds to me that he's upset about things I have no idea of, I don't know - I dont' know him. or you? but if he's threatening your relationship - that's a big problem, that should never come up- I would find out where you stand with him. That is troubling that he ever brought that up. I would think he may not want a relationship with you. It sounds like he's a passive agressive type. maybe yall can do counseling. It hink there is trouble right now. who knows
It's important not to jump to conclusions and not to think a man communicates like a woman, we don't. I don't either. you might be frustrated with me as well. And I communicate fairly well for a guy. Ask him if he felt abandoned. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was afraid you would leave him? ??
2006-10-20 13:33:40 · answer #3 · answered by on_the_move4ever 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to ask him this... It doesn't sound reasonable to me, so there has to be part of the story you don't know or aren't telling.
On the flip side... if ends up that it isn't reasonable and you are always arguing, maybe you need to think about parting. Life can exist without arguments all the time no matter how stressed at work or in life you are. My Gentleman and I have had our disagreements but we have argued once in almost 7 years.
Look in your heart and listen to what you really feel.
Best of luck and Blessings! I hope it works out!
2006-10-20 13:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by redheadedcyclone 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For a man, giving him space, means a night out with the buddies or by himself, but then to be back together by bedtime :) . To be separated from u for a solid week is very threatening to him, almost like desertion. Some women can't stand it when their husbands r gone , even for work related reasons, and it's that way with some men. He obviously needs u more than u think.
2006-10-20 13:27:39 · answer #5 · answered by jaguarboy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to realize you guys were having a fight. I bet if you think back you have said some stupid things while fighting as well. I think when you made plans to leave it really scared him so he tried to do the same by threatening you. It seems like your heart is in the right place maybe you guys should try some counseling? Good luck.
2006-10-20 13:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all he needed to be by himself your married you should be together no matter if he is stressed or whatever,he has some real issues.....he has no right to tell you where you can or can't go at least you told him where you are going. a temporary separation may be helpful but i would keep a close EYE on him you guys really need to work this out your married...good luck !!!
2006-10-20 13:31:48 · answer #7 · answered by ♥♥ lou lou ♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every man fears the influence of a mother in law. I can bet that when he realized that you were going to your mother's, he thought "Oh no, now I can't influence her decisions anymore.
Sweetheart, listen up, He wants to go run around and be single and have you as his fall back crutch.
My ultimate piece of advice is go to your Mom's. I bet she's a good women and will steer you in the right direction in how to handle this.
Good Luck
2006-10-20 13:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by the one who knows 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Um you love him cool but if the love is not mutual then whats the use of you staying around letting him yo yo you. Everyone wants and deserves to be treated fairly. Let him leave he is probably not worth it anyway its just your too much "in love" to realize that. Krama is a b***h and let some other female do him bad. Have you ever seen the diary of a mad black women
2006-10-20 13:46:41 · answer #9 · answered by Up_In_Smoke 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like the two of you need learn to talk to one another.If you had asked him if he would like you to spend a week away,his response that no he wouldn't would have made you feel better because he wanted you to stay,and him feel better because you were considering how to make him happy.My guess is your entire relationship has suffered from theses types of misunderstandings.Never assume what your partner means.Clarify before you take action.
2006-10-20 13:27:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋