last halloween i got raped. i snuck out with a group of ppl like an idiot, not thinking anything would happen and i was drinking but i never intended for anything to happen cuz the guy i was with said that he would watch out for me and stuff and there was a bunch of ppl so i felt alright. but then he took me in his car and took advantage of me... i tried fighting him off but he was too strong. he just held me down. i had bruises on my arms. i screamed but no one cared and no one would help me. people that are close to me tell me that it is my fault and it hurts so bad to hear that from them because i tried so hard to fight him off and it hurt me so bad i was a virgin and everything... do you think it is my fault?
2006-10-20 06:08:56 · 39 answers · asked by kitty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You were told wrong. Even if a very pretty woman paraded naked in the streets, nobody has the right to molest her.
These people that are "close to you" need to be replaced with people who tell you truthful things.
I hope you are seeing a therapist for this.
Here's a message board that can help you sort your feelings and allow you to vent. They have been good to me.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/rapesurvivors/?yguid=180421987
rapesurvivors : Surviving
2006-10-20 06:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get this straight: no matter what you say, do, or wear, it is NEVER your fault to be raped. NEVER!! HE is the one that chose to rape you, NOT you to have him do it. HE is the one that chose to take advantage of you and the situation. HE is the one that chose not to control his sickness. Your friends are stupid for thinking or saying that it is your fault. They are not true friends if they can't support you and help you thru this. Did you report this to the police? I sure hope so. Do NOT let this guy get away with this. Rape is NOT about sex. It is about power and control. Period. You MUST get some help emotionally and medically. Even tho you snuck out, you MUST tell your parents what happened. If they are loving and caring, they will help you all they can.
Most rapes don't get reported, so the rapists run around free to do this to others. Do you want this to happen to others you may or may not know?
I have been raped myself. I had been at a party, was drinking a little. But, in time I realized it was NOT my fault. I was stupid and didn't report this. At the time, I was young, naive, and stupid and didn't even think it was rape. Later on, a few years later in fact, I realized it WAS rape, that it wasn't my fault, etc. Thinking it's your fault is a common feeling. But, it is NOT true.
Write to me if you want someone to talk to. Please get some help ASAP. You do feel better, in time, by talking to someone about it and doing something about it.
2006-10-20 06:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOK!
The act of him forcing himself on you is not your fault. He was probably larger and stronger. What could you do?
Hmm lets look at this. You could have NOT gone to the are ALONE with him. You could have NOT drank so much that you lost your judgement and intuition. You could have NOT snuck out.
What happened to you was horrible, not doubt. BUT, you need to take some accountability for the end result. There were alot bad decisions you made that eventually let up the the end result.
He is no doubt wrong for doing what hid did in the car. But you were no doubt wrong for putting yourself into a bad situation. You need to be smart and think ahead before you blinding go into the night. We dont' live in "Pleasantville" and there are really mean people there that do really bad things.
Be wise and think ahead.
2006-10-20 06:25:59 · answer #3 · answered by Jerrid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Fault" is such a clumsy word, it implies so many of the wrong things.
Yes, you made a mistake being incapacitated in the presence of people you thought you could trust. Yes, you made a mistake in getting into a car alone with a man you didn't absolutely trust. Hopefully these are mistakes you will remember not to make again, and look out for your friends so that they don't make them either.
But no, it was NOT your fault. You believed you could trust these people; you believed he would keep his word and watch out for you. You made your wishes clear by saying no and struggling. HE is entirely the one at fault; he knew he was forcing you against your will and he did it anyway. You could have him arrested for rape, and the judge would agree that he is at fault. You could have been sober and trying to stay with the group, and he still could have pulled you away and forced you.
Your innocent mistake does NOT mean you deserve to get hurt... does NOT give anyone the right to hurt you... does NOT make you less worthy in any way.
*hugs*
2006-10-20 06:26:58 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear that trust me you will be ok.
The people that are close to you are class A azz holes because its never the victims fault. Although you went out you didnt ask him to take advantage of you and rape you. You didnt agree to have any type of relations with him therefore its not your fault that he did what he did. I hope you put him in jail for that and if you didnt tell me where he lives and I'll beat his azz 4 you.
Keep your head up and remember you did nothing wrong maybe you should go talk to a conunsler or a psychaitrist.
2006-10-20 06:13:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its NOT your fault. Stupidity is never a crime but rape is. No one is in jail simply because they were stupid...if they were, we'd all be there because there isn't a person alive who hasn't done stupid things in their life.
People do things just like you did and don't get raped but it still doesn't mean they weren't stupid. People rape people who never did anything stupid either. You were tricked and I hope you can learn to have a wise, healthy trust in people again.
Please get counseling. All counselors will help you to know that it was NOT your fault and will help you to gain some wisdom in trusting next time.
I don't care what anyone tells you, it was not your fault. It doesn't matter what you say, what you wear, what you eat or drink...if you tell someone that you don't want them to touch you, they can not touch you. If they do inspite of your wishes, they are breaking the law, not you.
2006-10-20 06:15:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
RAPE IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!! Are those capital letters clear enough? I mean that sincerely. When you say no then NO is the answer.
No girl deserves to be taken advantage of even if she is flirtatious. Rape is all about control and that guy is an awful scum for having hurt you.
I have a Masters of Professional Studies from the New York Theological Seminary and I have studied domestic violence.
Take care,
Troy
2006-10-20 06:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heck NO it wasn't your fault. I have a daughter and if it happened to her, I would hunt the person down and make sure they paid dearly for it. YOU were violated and dont EVER think it was your fault. Someone took advantage of you and they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. You really need to get some counseling and join a Rape support group. OK
2006-10-20 06:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by six7foru 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
By the Light! This is definitely NOT your fault. But if you haven't report this incident to the authorities, PLEASE DO SO! This is to prevent any other girls to fall victim to him. Though I must say that it has been almost a year after the incident.
This is a painful experience. If you need to, please talk to someone. I believe there should be lines who catering to counselling on phone, even if you cannot talk to your parents or friends.
If you haven't, you might want to test for STD in case he has any unpleasant. Pregency is ruled out since it is almost a year ago as I mentioned. This is going to be hard to go for such a test, but I believe it's for your own good and safety.
Also, learn from this. Have someone (or a group) who you really can trust go out with you next time.
2006-10-20 08:34:12 · answer #9 · answered by Celexter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! I does not matter that you snuck out or that you were drinking.... You were enough in your right mind to say no..., he should have listened. Rape is never the victims fault. Tell your so called friends that if they were your true friends they would not say things like to you. I bet if it happened to them they wouldn't feel that way. You hang in there. If I were you I would tell someone... even your parents. You would be surprised how forgiving they will be about you sneaking out and the will be able to comfort you.
2006-10-20 06:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋