The Magpie.
The Magpie at dawn,
Hopping too and fro,
With ít's monochrome feathers,
And it's tight bronze beak.
The Magpie at midday,
With it's smooth pin-tail feathers,
Hungry and waiting for a feast,
At the bottom of the garden.
The Magpie in the evening,
Stealing from the squirells,
As they bury their nuts,
Preparing for the long winter beyond.
What do you think?
2006-10-20 05:53:44 · 19 answers · asked by Ben C 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Thanx for all your good comments i wrote it in poetry club today, i am glad that MOST OF YOU liked it. THANX
2006-10-20 06:07:03 · update #1
thanx inquering mind i will take on board your thought and i will try to make it better then i will re-post it. THANX FOR ALL YOUR FEEDBACK
2006-10-20 06:10:18 · update #2
That was so nice.Are you like taking it up for a career?You should.I write poetry too but I can remember the last time I wrote one.Its been long.
2006-10-20 06:52:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad - but I have a few corrections:
1. "too and fro" should be "to and fro"
2. Magpie feathers are not monochrome - they are both black and white.
3. "Squirells" should be "squirrels"
The morning/mid-day/evening lines beginning each stanza are an interesting idea, but if you mean anything more than the literal sense that you saw a magpie 3 times through the day, the idea needs to be developed more.
Them's me views
2006-10-20 06:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by Random Task 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't like it. It doesn't paint the picture well enough for me, you need more evocative language, better imagry. What does it's song sound like? What do the feather's look like? What colors are they? How does the magpie look against the dawn sky, that kind of stuff. Engage my senses.
2006-10-20 06:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by inquiringmind 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. Perhaps consider what the point of it is--what's the emotional payoff for the reader? Is it just a descriptive poem? If yes, you should consider making it more than that. What are you trying to say?
As a stupid nit-picky thing--"it's" means "it is". "Its" is possessive and is the form you want to use.
Keep writing!
2006-10-20 06:08:21 · answer #4 · answered by N 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not bad are you taking up poetry for a living
2006-10-20 06:01:13 · answer #5 · answered by braveheart321 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its ok. i wouldn't say its the best though. lets focus on the good stuff. i really like how u explained how the magpie lives and stuff like that, it was very interesting.
2006-10-20 06:02:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am a bit worried about the squirrels burying their nuts!!! sounds painful but the poem is good!
2006-10-20 06:07:29 · answer #7 · answered by Wobs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice one even the children enjoyed it.well done keep it up
2006-10-20 06:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
luv it its gr8 keep writin an u can publish a book
2006-10-20 06:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by Adam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it stinks were did you go to school shoprite supermarkets
2006-10-20 06:04:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋