A question to straight guys?

Question

OK, nothing to do with any arguement here or attack. Just being curious. As a gay man I have always found it easy to connect and communicate with my partner since our general interests are almost the same. When I see a straight couple, I see a girl into fashion and gossip, carrying so much what make up she should wear and what her next hairstyle should be like etc. etc. while guys are into completely different interests such as sports, cars, gadgets etc. OK this was a generalisation but its always somehow the same.
I am not critising this and of course I am not tackling you, since this has worked out for hundreds of generations, but I am curious what else keeps you together besides love and attraction? Because we can see that girls need to go out with their girlfirends and guys need to go out with their buddies from time to time, so this tells me that the two sexes need some break from each other sometimes. I always want my partner to be around because we have common friends anyway.

Also girls say things and expect guys to get the hint, while guys are ignorant according to girls and want things straight forward, and the typical communication problems. I guess this is a pro for homosexuality and a con for heterosexuality...

By no means I imply that we are better than heterosexuals. We will always be a minority and it is natural. I think that both sides have their pros and con accordingly.

Answer 1

I'm bi, so perhaps not quite qualified to answer your question, but I wanted to say what a brilliant point you made (and so tactfully, too), and I hope you don't get deluged by ignorant insults in return.

I agree with most of what you said, and I have wondered the same, because if you look at any discussion forum, women love complaining about men (and vice-versa, but not quite so much), and look at all the stereotype jokes there are pointing out how stupid one or the other sex is, from the point of view of the other. It seems so obvious that same-sex partnerships should be easier!

I suppose, for procreation purposes, humans need an instinct to be attracted in the majority to the opposite sex, (apparently research shows that homosexuality becomes both more widespread and more tolerated in societies which are becoming overpopulated - so we are nature's answer to an overcrowded world!) so maybe the sex impulse is strong enough to overcome the other problems. The only other thing I can think of is that either people enjoy arguing, or that they feel happier with someone different from themselves, as in 'opposites attract'.

I hate to think, though, how many people are stuck in unhappy relationships, simply because they think it is the 'only' way to be, rather than being open-minded enough to consider the alternatives (as you have done).

I hope you get some decent and thoughtful answers, from people who have experienced happy heterosexual relationships and can explain why.

I salute the best question I've seen on here so far!

P.S. Only the first 2 answers were here when I started writing the above, so I'm really glad so many people have given great answers - maybe there is hope after all. (Too long on this site can give you the impression that half the world is populated by halfwits, and the other half by bigots!)

Answer 2

We -my SO & I- have that rarest of relationships where we are friends first and foremost. We also have the ability to communicate with each other about our interests as individuals, but since we have nearly everything in common, we rarely run out of things to talk about. But never does the conversation come close to that which you described above. We don't go out to make fashion statements or to discuss horsepower or gadgets, except for the gadgets we need to run our fledgling business. What keeps us together is trust and knowing that we are, and always will be, friends. The friendship has been tested in different ways by those who wished it didn't exsist. They lose. We win. Yeah, if space is needed, as it sometimes is, it is there for the taking. Let me put it this way: I love her enough so that her happiness is the one thing I would never want to see ruined. If she ever met someone else, someone whom might make her happier than I do I could let her go. Life is an adventure, right? Love is part of life. But the friendship would stand even then.
Good Luck

Answer 3

I think it all really depends on the person. For me I want a "friend" who has the same intrests and is fun to hang out with. I don't care if they are male or female it just so happens that most guys think alike. However with my wife I want someone who completes me and balances out my shortcomings. Its kinda a yin and yang type thing. This balance builds a different kind of bond then just "friendship" and I think that is why people who may tend to be opposites attract.

Or it could be that its just the way a persons brain is wired. Men and womens brains function in drasticlly different ways. Something about the way the electrical pulses move across the synpoes or what ever they are called. Basiclly the scientfic reason that men tend to be spacial and women verbal.

Answer 4

Between heteros and homos there are an exchange of masculine and feminine energies. This exchange is especially prevelant amoung intercourse and other highly sexual/erotic acts. The difference is that for many heteros they never truly experience something that I for one highly admire about homosexual relationships and that is intellectual intimacy which I have heard referred to as "greek man love" this type of intimacy goes well beyond just physical intimacy which is the norm amoung heterosexual partners. With a combination of physical intimacy as well as intellectual intimacy the heterosexual relationship looks a bit lacking. It's a theory of mine that if you look at cultures that place women into a secondary caste system you'll find a society with an aptitude for homosexuality (examples: Trojans, Japanese mostly samurai) and I believe this is so due to the idea that if a woman is inferior how can I (a man) truly be intimate with this lesser being.

So anyhoo I speculate that we heteros need to leave each other for a time so that we can be intellectually intimate with those we feel capable of doing so with. There are of course those rare exceptions that can do both together.

Answer 5

Funny how the two idiots that answered first must not have read the question in it's entirety, or they would have answered it with some thought. I have never had a serious "hetero" relationship, so I really can't relate, but I'm sure it's pretty similar to gay relationships. They form a bond and are very comfortable around each other. Of course we all need breaks once in a while, I think this is true of all relationships.

Answer 6

Obviously, I'm not a guy, but I think that men and women are two totally different characters. But there will always be that attraction. That's the way it's meant to be. If I was with a woman, of course we would have tons of things in common. The same goes for men.

Answer 7

You will find couples who have almost everything in common, and others who have nothing in common -- even you admit some stereotyping in your question.

I can answer for myself -- my wife and I are somewhere in between. She likes sappy movies, I like action/scifi. But we both like kayaking, hiking, etc. We stay together because we see eye to eye on the things that matter to us. We both don't believe in eating puppies, for example. And when we have the urge to do the things that we don't enjoy together, we enjoy the time apart. Some people want to spend all their time together, and I think we do spend more time together than the average, but time apart is good, and different interests actually facilitates that, and even makes it easier because the other person won't feel left out when not invited.

But the answer is, we agree on what's important. The other stuff doesn't matter.

Answer 8

Most times there is one or two things they have in common that really matters, then there's always the "he's hot" "she's so hot", and popularity makes each other attractive and can be empowering, so that also does it, but for most the attraction, the love and they way they are with each other is what keeps them together

Answer 9

You need common interests in a relationship. My partner and I share many of the same interests. We also think alike. It is scary but we often times finish each other sentences because we are thinking the same thing.

Answer 10

Men are attracted to women's femininity and women to men's masculinity. There is enough sexual attraction and mutual interest to keep the majority of couples interested in each other. I can see your point though, and if you feel close to your partner because you have a lot of shared interests then I think that's great.