how would i tell my mum!?

Question

im 16 im not actually pregnant, but i had the worry that i was, but i look at babys and just think what a beautiful thing to have! but what age is right to have a baby considering i want a really great career i know i want to be with someone great before i have a baby, also if i was to fall pregnant now how would i tell my mum, my mums not normal she shouts all the time i used to have fights with her about nearly everything (im not proud of that - it ruined our mother daughter relationship but now are alot better together) shes always angry somehow! and i already cant bring myself to tell her secret stuff like how i smoke occasionally(she smokes passively) so how would i tell her if i got pregnant!, please anser these questions for me i cant ask my friends or anyone!

im in college already, and i smoke a little not all the time i can easily stop its just for this time in my life, i cant go to my friends about this because i dont want to basically they are just going to think im weird!

ive tried bonding with my mum i try and go gym with her but shes so stubborn and lazy! she wants to go i want to go but coz she bought us both 2yr memberships i cant go to a different 1and i cant get the one i went to with her without her!

im 16 and im from the UK so dont be so suprised that im in college! lol

Answer 1

Plan of action:
- finish college
- go to uni + get a part time job to support your studies.
- get a nice job upon graduation
- get a stable full time job
- get a mortgage
- find a nice boyfriend
- date boyfriends (for a long while!)
- get engaged
- go on many, many holidays and see the world
- if you are still happy with the boyfriend 2/3 years down the line, move in together
- get married
- wait for a bit
- ... then have a baby.

Answer 2

You're a sensible girl - of course you like babies, we're programmed to, but you're also right about wanting a career and being with the right man. One day you'll be a lovely mum. You'd really struggle if you had a baby now, although I'm sure your Mum would support you if it did happen. I am SO glad I waited - I had twins! Before them, I did a lot of travelling and had some fun. Couldn't have done that with a kid. You're at a brilliant age, this is the time to go out with your mates. Later on will be the time for settling down with a family, when you've got a bit more life experience. Suddenly being totally responsible for another human being all of the time can be very scary. The right age is different for different people, but perhaps between 24 and 34 is the best time to have babies.

Why don't you offer to do some babysitting? Either for people you know, or put an advert in a newsagent's. That 'll earn you some money AND put you off babies!

PS Please give up smoking. It'll give you horrible skin.

Answer 3

I would work on the mother-daughter relationship. Obviously there's a reason she's angry all the time. I'm not sure that anytime would be the right time if she's so angry all the time. There are underlying issues there (not necessarily related to you at all!!) that she isn't talking about and it's coming out in anger.

And, honestly, at 16, you don't want to get pregnant. Take it from someone who got pregnant at 19. I was in college. But, you miss out on having a "normal" (what is that anyway) life. Even when I turned 21, I had to worry about finding a babysitter (thankfully my mom) before I could go out and it's been the same ever since. Think about going to prom and formals and dances. If you want to go to college, it will be 10x harder. I had a great time living in the dorms, but once I got pregnant, that ended. I finished the semester, then had to commute the 40 minutes to college everyday. At night if you don't have a baby that sleeps the whole way through you have to do homework and papers and research in between feedings, changings, and playing with your baby. In my opinion, I say WAIT until you're over 21, in a stable relationship/married before you even start to THINK about getting pregnant.

As for the smoking thing, I hid that from my family for so long. I mean, I did it at your age. I think everyone tries it sometime. I still on occasion have one, but I don't tell my mom. I mean, I don't condone hiding things, but that's not a major catastrophe. And, personally, in my opinion, if she gets so angry about things, telling her just might cause more trouble and strain and her screaming than it's even worth. I wouldn't hide it forever, but right now doesn't seem to be the time to bring up something like that considering her behavior and attitude.

I hope that helps!! And, good luck!

Answer 4

When you feel ready - that's the right time, personally i was 23 in a stable relationship about to buy a house the only thing i didn't have was a career, but that doesn't matter at this moment as my life is my children, i will study as they get older - my oldest is 13 and youngest 6 months. My honest advise to you would be enjoy yourself, get to know yourself better, play the field a bit (be safe at the same time) always use contraception - condoms if your not in a long term relationship because of STD's and Aids, the pill if you are with someone you trust, work towards your great career you desire - if i could turn back time i would've got my career sorted 1st. Then one day you'll find someone who you know you'll want to be with, know you'll want to spend your life then set up home and have kids. This sounds ideal and i know doesn't always work this way, but do you really think your ready right now??? As for your relationship with your mother would you both be able to go to some sort of counselling? Would you be able to convince her to come along with you for the sake of your relationship without her shouting at you? And do you have a best friend? 1 person who you can trust, to tell her/him anything? If so then try telling them what you've posted here. I hope some of this advice helps.

Answer 5

Babies are the most beautiful things in the world. But, being only 16 you have many, many years to think about it. Babies are special even when you have them in your 20's,30's or 40's. So,Please don't even think about having a child at your age, always have protection. At 16 you still have your entire life ahead of you, if you had one now you would miss out on so many things that someone really enjoys at your age. Enjoy your life,do well in school,go to college and get a great job when you finish , then you will be ready to provide your child with the best life possible, you will have learned so many things by then that you will be able to teach your children everything that you have learned. If you got pregnant at such a young age, you could possibly destroy the relationship with your Mom for good, do you really want to do that?And at 16 no one is prepared to raise a child.

Answer 6

hi
I'm 18 at the moment and expecting my first baby in 12 weeks and at first i was upset because my life was goin to change, the hardest part for me was tellin my dad as he is very protected of me (he is a lot worster than ur mum) and he knew i was pregnant before i got the chance to tell him and about after 3 weeks he got over the fact that I'm not a little girl no more and he is lookin forward to being a grandpa again, u will know when is the best time for u to have a baby, and about the smokin i know u get told smokin is bad for the baby but my midwife told me to cut down on the amount i smoke as giving up would be hard as u cant take the stuff that other people take to help then give up because it gives u a quick fix of nicotine all at once and that could harm the unborn baby, u will know what to do when the time is right for u never mind what other people say all the best

Answer 7

Wait until you are in a really strong and PERMANENT relationship, and with your career completely sorted out, BEFORE you get pregnant, and then tell your mum beforehand that you are planning a baby, and maybe ask for her advice. Age is not the most important consideration, but your circumstances and the future you can provide for the child are.

If you get pregnant by accident, before you are old enough to look after yourself and another person, your mum will very naturally be extremely worried about your future, and disappointed that you didn't take better care of yourself, so it will make your relationship with her even more difficult - I'm sure that when you are a parent, your worries about your children will make you sometimes seem angry and harsh to them, when what you want is for them to be safe and happy.

You should spend time thinking about what you do before you do it, not waiting for things for happen and then dealing with the consequences. You obviously have a brain and a conscience, because you had the sense to ask this question now, so make sure you have enough respect for yourself to use them.

Answer 8

BAby's are so beautiful and cute to look at. But don't get pregnant now. Because babys are not so cute when they are up all night crying. Demand your 24 hour attention. Most of the work will fall to you. It is very difficult. You need to be married to a man that wants baby's and is willing to help. That will be the only way to survive raising a baby without too much misery involved. Also go to planned parenthood or your local health department. They will help you out with a good birth control and explain everything to you. The best part your mom or dad will NOT have to know you went there for advice and help. It is private.

Answer 9

You know what? Just don't. Don't wonder how you would tell your mom, don't get pregnant to begin with.

I don't think (unless you have the kind of relationship with your mom where you could do this and it would not cause MAJOR problems) you should tell her about a previous pregnancy scare.

And remember, when you look at babies and think "Awww how cute!", remember that you're seeing a very VERY small part of them. You are not seeing nine months consisting of throwing up, fatigue, skin problems, backaches, headaches, irritablity, your hair changing (my hair got thin during pregnancy, then afterwards, changed texture alltogether), stretch marks (that do NOT go away completely, regardless of how much cocoa butter you use), insomnia (even though you're exhausted), hot flashes, overly-expensive clothes, fat ankles, swollen feet... and that's all the easy stuff. You have the baby (and let me tell you, delivery is no picnic, whether you deliver vaginally by pushing something the size of a watermelon out an opening the size of a lemon, or by having a c-section, which is, of course, major surgery.) You get big, leaky boobs, clothes that still likely won't fit you well for a few months (regardless of the luck Kate Hudson, Angelina Jolie, and countless other celebrities have had, few average women look hot two weeks later), and a "good night's sleep" changes from 8-10 hours to 4-5 hours. For quite some time, that adorable baby you love so much can communicate to you in one way only: relentless crying, until you guess the right combination of things that will make him or her happy, which usually includes feeding (either breastfeeding or formula, which I promise, is not a happy "baby" smell), burping a baby (which is a polite term for getting whatever you just gave your baby for dinner all over your clothes), or changing a diaper (and trust me, those cute teeny newborn diapers can be much less cute when they're filled with stuff caused by the milk your child has drank and then spit up on you). Sometimes, even those things don't help, so you get to walk the floors holding your baby, praying to everything from God to the patron saint of colic that your baby will just stop crying for a few minutes before you lose your mind. As the baby grows, you get to take on whole new challenges, such as baby food (and the inevitable mess that can cause) and later, potty training (and the inevitable mess that will most definately cause). Your nights out for fun (where you seem to enjoy your secret smokes) will go from relatively often to relatively never. Even if you're in a loving marriage as adults, with decent wages, you don't have it easy. Few fathers, even those who are loving and live-in, take an even split of the work of parenting. If you're a teenager, alone with a baby, and no way of supporting yourself or your child, your life will change in some ways I GUARANTEE you would not enjoy.

Now, I have two children. I adore them. They are funny and they enrich my life in some amazing ways. But I wish I hadn't had them quite as early as I did (and by "early" I mean I was 22 when my first child was born).

There's never a "good time" (financially speaking) to have a child. Almost all parents, at one point or another, are in a tight spot financially. There's no reason to have a baby at such a young age that you guarantee yourself poverty or a hard life just trying to make ends meet.

Wait until you've met a guy you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Marry. Get your education and begin a career. Enjoy and build your marriage and get used to that life. When you and your spouse want a child, and feel you can give a child the things he/she deserves (a home, food, love, education, all that stuff), THEN it's a reasonable time to think about having a child.

Don't get into the thought pattern of "Well, I'm not, but if I WERE....." That's one thing if you're older. At your age, don't entertain the idea. Just avoid pregnancy. Enjoy your own childhood (and don't get mad when I say childhood. you are still a child. enjoy the things that comes in the times between childhood and adulthood, such as dating, prom, extra-curricular activities, college, sorority parties, etc.).

Answer 10

I got pregnant shortly after I turned 16, and had my son right before I turned 17. It was hard, it's still hard. I never went to prom, I never went to another school football game. I no longer participated in the school dance team. I tried to go on dates (I felt my son needed a father) and guys would run for the hills when they found out I had a son. I never went to college. If I were you, I would wait to have a child. Yes, they are cute, they are the most wonderful blessings a person could ask for. But the first thing about being a good mother, is that they put the children first. Think of your future kids. You can better provide for them if you have an education, if you're no longer a kid yourself, and if you have a husband who loves you and is going to be there for you day in and day out. Those are the most important things you can do for your children. Yes, you'd love your child the same if you had it now or in 10 years. But I say wait. It takes more than love to raise a child. It's hard work, it's sacrafice. Sacrifice your need for a baby now, for the baby's sake. It'll be the best thing for your child if you wait.

Answer 11

Get on the pill and please always use condoms!! Having a baby now would only ruin your life (at least for the next 18 years) and wouldn't help your relationship with your mother either. Having a baby in your 30's is way better and more trendy nowadays. Continue with school - get a great job - find a great guy (date a lot of people in the meanwhile). Your relationship with your mother will naturally get better/easier as you get older and mature - not because of you... but because of her. Most mothers dont know how to deal with teenagers so they freak out over lots of stuff. The more she sees that you are a great girl with a promising future - she will simmer down. As for being open with her about stuff right now.. tell her the things that she needs to know (like if you ever did get pregnant, or if you need to see the gyn to get on the pill) but dont freak her out with regular stuff... that may only add to her blowouts.