My wife won't believe me that a relationship I had with a work colleague was just as friends, but was more and wants me to take a lie detector test. I'm beginning to resent her for not believing me and feel just the suggestion of the test is a negative step even though I have done nothing to suggest I'd fail it.
2006-10-20 05:05:10 · 16 answers · asked by S K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your concern is valid, however, if it will make her feel more confident in your relationship, i am sure your negative feeling will be overcome by the positive outcome.
You have to ask her why she doesn't believe you, unless you already know the answer...it might not actually be the fact that she doesn't trust you, rather that she is just afraid to lose you.
Sometimes, it might just be the fact that whenever you talked, or hung out with the colleague/friend, you acted differently..be it a facial expression, or change in your body language. Is the friend attractive? Then that might also be a cause, she might have simply felt very threatened.
The one thing i would suggest is, to take her and go into marriage counseling...there might be issues that you are not aware of, things that she might be dealing with inside of herself and not able to share with you.
I totally agree that the lie detector test is not the be all and end all of your problems...however, i do think that you sit her down, look her straight in the eyes, first tell her, why you married her and why you vowed to spend your life with her, tell her what you find are the most important parts of a marriage, trust obviously being a main part... and then tell her your concerns.
- Would she trust the lie detector test? Would the answer satisfy her?
- Will she trust you after this, always?
- Does she realize how this is making you feel? Not trusting you, and wanting you to take the test.
Try to remember, this might not be about you at all...and if the both of you are up for it, the counseling should and will work.
Being considered a liar, especially when youre not, is very frustrating and hurtful, most of all by someone you love...make sure you if you do take the test, that you will not resent her even more. She might have just been going through her own things in her mind...not feeling as attractive, not only to you but to herself, or feeling lonely etc. Go easy on her...it isnt the easiest thing feeling paranoid and afraid either. Accusing you, even bringing it out and saying this against you is probably not easy for her...she might have her own guilt about even having these kind of thoughts.
2006-10-20 05:57:35 · answer #1 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her fine and then jump on the next and find where it can be done and how much.
When she sees that you are not backing down and stepping up to meet your wife's threat she'll calm down.
And plus think of if as a new experience.
Plus you can tell all your friends that your wife is so paranoid that she had you take a lie detector test. You will even have a cool line to use in future fights. "Do we need the lie detector again?"
2006-10-20 05:23:38 · answer #2 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a looming threat of an eventual lie detector test over my head as well. It is an ugly thing when the trust is gone from a marraige. If you can pass the test and show her, maybe she'll apologize and you'll live happily ever after. But, I doubt it. She'll probably just find another thing to fixate on and not trust you some more. She should meet my husband, and they could test eachother to death. Sorry, your question just reminded me of myself and depressed me a bit. Have a nice day.
2006-10-20 05:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that you have told her the truth and that by continuing to ask about it and even suggest that you take a pollygraph makes you resent her because she has no trust in you. Then take a good look at your relationship and decide if you can save it or if you want to, because above all else trust and honesty are the most important things in a relationship.
2006-10-20 05:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There must be more that is causing this mistrust. You need to have a serious talk about trust issues. By the way, do not take that test. There is a reason polygraph tests are not allowed in the court room; they are very flawed.
2006-10-20 05:37:26 · answer #5 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't resent her, the fact is that it was more than a friendship and the fact is that your wife is not buying that and foreal you should be glad that your wife is not dumb because who wants someone that will just let you run over them. I understand what your saying about her not believing you, but if you love her and want to keep her then there is only one thing to do and that is tell her the truth because if she really wants you to take that test then how are you gonna explain yourself then. so do what's best and tell your wife the truth, it all may work out for you
2006-10-20 05:14:39 · answer #6 · answered by waynekirsten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have learned in my lifetime that the one accusing is the one doing!! Tell her that one when she mentions the lie detector test again! And tell her to put it in her pipe and smoke it too!! If there is no trust, there is no relationship!! Let her stew on that one too! Good luck and you shouldn't have to take a test of any sort!
2006-10-20 05:11:50 · answer #7 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I agree with most of the responses that say this isn't a healthy sign for your marriage. Having said that, let me just take the opposing view for a moment and ask, since you'll pass the test, why not just take it?
2006-10-20 05:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't done anything to deserve the distrust, then she is way out of line.
However, if you are doing things or have done things in the past, then apparently she still doesn't trust you.
If she doesn't trust you, you have to ask why.
What are you doing (or not doing) on a daily basis that is leading her to the conclusion that you are not trust worthy.
Communicate and find the answers.
2006-10-20 05:15:01 · answer #9 · answered by timc_fla 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well something must have happened for her to think there might be something going on. How do you think your wife feels thinking your cheating on her ? The truth of the matter is lots of married people are cheating and lying about it. I dont think you should take it personal.
2006-10-20 05:12:44 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋