Why don't men do their share of the housework?

Question

I always have to get mad at my husband before he will do his share of the chores. If I have to get mad at him then I would rather he not do anything. It is like I am MAKING him do his part. I already have two kids. I don't need a third. I need a partner.

Answer 1

It is a matter of tact, your approach ,and your strategy. You can get your husband to do your bidding if you let him believe he is in "control". Pretend to be "weak" and let him understand that you cant do it all without him. Massage his ego and I assure you he will do your bidding without him knowing it. Remember you have the power but power is nothing without control.

Answer 2

Hey, That HDTV cost a lot of money...someone has to watch it so it gets its money's worth! Ok, just kidding...

Seriously, I am very familiar with this situation, but from the guy's end. Sometimes, there are some things that are semi-important to us, (As opposed to our families, which are VERY important to us), especially on a weekend and we need to have any activites or chores, revolve around those things. Just something to be aware of. Whether its a football game or a movie on tv or something else, our minds tend to get wrapped up in "not missing the event " ...so in these cases, you need to be tactful and aware and suggest that X, Y & Z need to get done, can you do these before the game or during halftime?"
Other times, we feel like we are zapped from work. And, most of the time, there is a subconsious link to intimacy or reward. Women see the "chores" as something that must get done, while some men feel different. Some feel that even when they kick *** around the house, its no worth it if they are shutout in the bedroom. Sad, but true, thats just the way things work with many guys. So, we feel, "why should I bust my *** all day, miss the big football game and then go to bed and get the turndown card?" I am not saying that a woman needs to incent a man with sex for every chore, but to many men, thats the equivalent of a nice scruffing of the neck to a dog after fetching a stick! Its our positive reinforcement and tells us "we're appreciated!" And some men respond equally to other forms of "appreciation" that feed their motivation.

So, my advice, is:
1) Be proactice - ask what his plans are for the day, then ask if he can take care of X, Y & Z while you do A, B & C sometime that day/weekend. You can even sell your wants to him with a little incentive...such as "I want to get this done today, so we can relax tomorrow or so we can go out to dinner tonight..." or something along those lines.

2) Be specific but don't tell him that you need this done "NOW!"- Tell him what you would like to be done and make sure he knows the expectations (as in what you will accept as done, in other words, "clean the kitchen" might mean put the dishes away to a man, when you really mean, clean the dishes, clean the floor, wipe down the counters, etc)

3) Pat the dog - Even though its perceived by our wives as part of our duty to do these chores, show us that you appreciate us and appreciate the effort. Like I said, this is more of a culture that you are building and I am not necessarily saying it is sex. Its "rewarding & encouraging good behavior rather than "getting mad at bad behavior." A simple concept, but it takes a conscious effort to become second nature. And it works!!! A guys motivational responses are higher when they feel good about what they are doing and/or feel appreciated.

Try these 3 things out and see if you get any better results.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

So here is the further question, Why does my wife always ask me to help in the house but never offers to help me in my work?
Maybe you live in an apartment but in our house I take care of the yard, the garbage, the cars-oil, washings and maintenance, the banking,the recycling, the firewood, the snow plowing, my own laundry and 90% of the family meals. Oh and, How about the kids baseball, soccer and swim team practices.
The point being that you view the housework as something to be 50/50 shared. If he does nothing else, fine. If he does any of the other stuff guys do you had better quit being so selfish or this will be a problem. It is way unfair for you to put demand on his time
if he is taking care of other things.

Answer 4

I do most the of the housework because it's my job, being that I'm a stay at home mom. He already has a full-time job and has the responsibility of bringing home an income...why does he need to do housework? I'd rather that he spend his free time with the kids, which he does. If you're feeling frustrated and need help, pay attention to how you are asking for help...are you being snippy? Do you sound aggravated? Tone of voice is a big factor. Take a look at what you are doing to get the result you're getting.

Answer 5

SOME men are so used to their mothers doing everything for them that they assume that you will pick up where their mothers left off.

This, however, cannot be said for all men. Some just need a push in the right direction and re-educating, others need an all out strike to get the point across. Wait until he has no clean underwear or socks, then he might realise that it's not the laundry or house cleaning fairies that do everything whilst you are both asleep!

You have my sympathy, my hubby and I have had our arguments over household chores but thankfully he finally gets it.

Chores should be distributed 50-50 so that you both have the extra time on your hands to do things that you both prefer to be doing together.

Answer 6

"Jules Rules" says they're LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can say to him you feel that sharing the housework is important to you! 'Sides, it should be 50/50.
Being a MOM of 2, is hard esp. not having any help! We Moms can't do everything, after all!
Let me guess, you do ALL the grocery shopping too, the laundry, the dishes, etc....................????

Tell your man you need help!
You both can make a list of who does what chores and on what days, for a start!

I know it isn't easy! Try talking first. If that doesn't get you anywhere, simple BRING OUT THE WHIP!!!!


Just jokin' around, a little humor there!

Take care and just keep talking to your guy!

Answer 7

Oh Heaven Bless you WOMAN!!

I think we are all in the same situation now days because men are stuck in the era where women are the housekeepers and men are the money makers. Screw that, do you know how much money stay at home moms (like myself) are owed for keeping thier kids 24/7 and washing, drying and folding, then putting away their dirty clothes, making sure dinner is on the table by the time they get home. Making sure thier kids are bathed and in bed. And then still making time to be their lover after all chaos has been calmed....Oh man, dont get me started. We do EVERYTHING for them aside from wiping thier *** for them. But you know what, you do what you have to do darlin. Those kids depend on you. That is why they call you the mama! And you and I know that you would not have THAT any other way!

And God Bless Flagger up there, you my dear come very few and far in between and I am SURE that your wife appreciates you beyond all comparison.

Answer 8

tell him when he puts off chores he makes what is important to you seem trivial and it hurts your feelings that he doesn't seem to care about making your life better, when that's All you(as a good wife and mother) think about. AND it gives the kids an idea that it is ok to n ot want to help mommy and daddy doesn't so lets direspect mom too. It is a much deeper thing than a swept floor or that you don't like clothes on the floor it is about RESPECT and VALUING your partners feelings and your example as a parent.If you have daughters ask him if he would like his daughters to marry a man that doesn't help and that disrespects them in front of her children cause that's what will happen-- girls marry their daddys.

Answer 9

Every man has his ways. My husband helps, he does the bathroom, and my kids do their own room and I do our room and the kitchen and living room.. Only b/c I like it done a certain way, and make sure its thoroughly done. I wish he would do more, but I' grateful for what he does. its better than nothing. He usually finished the laundry when i start them. To me thats enough. He has a rough job, so I understand him. But I dont argue over it. If i need him to do something for me, I just ask and he'll do it with nothing to say. Just ask him and talk to him about it, and let him know how u feel and what ur needs are...

Answer 10

Well, my dear, stop doing it. let everything go. when he runs out of clothes and food then he migth want to know why. Take a vacation from your life of being his mother. Hell call his mother, tell her to come clean up his mess. To answer your question: they dont share the house work because we put up with that mess from the very beginning when we were so in love and wanted to please them and show them that we can be good little wives, just like their mothers. I hope if you have sons you are teaching them the right way or they are gonna be just like your husband and some poor girl is gonna be asking the same question 20 years from now. If you have girls please for heaven sake teach them that their roles as a woman does not mean they become mothers to their husbands.

Answer 11

haha! This is soo funny. I think most wives have this problem with their husbands! My husband and I have an agreement...he does the yard work, and I do the housework. However...he thought this meant he could be a total slob and I would clean up after him!! Ya right! I had to talk to him about it...now he sort of cleans up after himself...sort of...some men just don't need as clean of a house as we do, so they feel it is unnecessary to clean as much. I have started to leave his stuff in one pile...no matter what it is. and I let him deal with it! He gets mad....but I am not his maid!