Recently I found out that my husband had sex with another girl. We have two children together. He was really sorry and begged me to take him back. So I did. He promised it was just that one time, but how do I know for sure? People tell me that he is a lucky man because they would not have stayed with him. But I had no way to support me and my children, and I still love him despite what he did.
So whenever he goes anywhere, I still wonder what he's doing and if he's going to cheat again. He's been really nice and good to us, and I don't think he's cheated again, but how do I stop worrying?
He also seems hurt if I bring up the subject. Should I just let it go?
I don't think I can...
2006-10-20 04:57:33 · 15 answers · asked by jessy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Every situation is different but I will tell you from the standpoint of the "other woman" which I have been for over 2 years :( men who cheat usually cheat again -- I am not proud of being the other woman but we were long into the relationship when I found out he was married with children--I have not walked away because I know he loves me and I know he loves her. However, I am beginning to consider leaving him but it is hard. Everyone can say what they want but sometimes the "other woman" is sometimes the victim too.
Men will tell their wives what they want to hear. She has no idea, even though he tells her he is not seeing me or anyone else but it never ended...
So don't let it go but decide in your situation what is best.
2006-10-20 05:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by always helpful 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, start packing away $$$. Then, go back to school. You man never need either, but any woman should be able to support herself.
Secondly, relationships are made of respect, admiration, passion and trust, and when the trust is gone, the rest of it crumbles -- maybe in a few months maybe in a year, many in several, but it's tuff to admire someone you do not trust. Best thing the two of you could do is to get into a few sessions of counseling, and discuss this issue with that third person there --- to do it yourself, sometime it just breaks down in to an adversarial match. If you think your marriage is worth saving, do for sure, do this. In general, it takes more than 2 years to rebuild the betrayal of adultery. You can't stop worrying, or wondering. He gave you the deepest cut of all.... And do you love him? No. You love your idea of what he is, and right now he is a betrayer, and that is not what or who you love (d) You love what you THOUGHT he was. Now you must adjust that, accept that, and rebuild. Tough job ahead, honey, but go for it. And in the meantime, always have $$ you may never need. And always have a career option you may never use. It's just smart....... Good luck
2006-10-20 05:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly believe you both need to see a marriage counselor. He needs to understand that although the apology is a good sign, it still won't make everything go away. There are consequences to pay and one of those consequences is your lack of trust. He'll have to regain that trust again and prove that he can be forgiven and trusted to be faithful again. But that will only happen with time. That's why it's important to see a counselor. Also involving another person (like a counselor) will hold him accountable for his actions. If he doesn't feel any consequences and if no one is holding him accountable, it will be easy for him to do this again.
Understanding what led him to do what he did and also what to do in order to NEVER do this again is something he needs right now. And that's why a counselor is so important.
Good luck!
2006-10-20 05:47:38 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First get counceling and let him know how you feel. If he's serious about not doing it again he will do everything to gain your trust back. If he does that try to forgive him. because unless you do YOU will be the unhappy paranoid one. Think of it as a mistake he made. We are all human and do dumb things. He could have left for good but he came home. Get a career, not just a job, that way you can look forward to a steady paycheck if he decides to make it a habit and you put him out for good.
. That will ensure you are not staying with him because of finances. And that if he does do it again you wont be out in the cold.
2006-10-20 05:34:56 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My soon to be ex husband cheated on me too. As much as I wanted to forgive him and work things out, I knew that I would always be worried that he would do it again. Maybe they don't always cheat again, but its alot easier to do it the second time than the first. I knew in my heart that I could not handle the idea of him doing it again, and I could not see myself ever truly forgiving him.
Not that we are apart, I feel liberated, as his whereabouts, and those of his penis don't concern me any more, and my child doesn't have to see his father bringing a skinny bow-legged adulteress into his mother's home.
2006-10-20 05:37:49 · answer #5 · answered by tethergrrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to know what you would do in this situation until you actually go through it. I forgave my ex when he cheated on me the first time. I divorced him when he did it the second time. It is up to you to decide if you want to take a chance on the marriage again. It will be tough but if you both want it bad enough it can work.
2006-10-20 05:33:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never get over it and the trust will not come back. Been here done this, I tried for 2 yrs, but I was still wondering. When I called and he didn't answer the phone I would wonder where he was and who he was with. Once the trust is broken it is really hard to get it back. Good luck!
2006-10-20 05:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never take back a man who cheats because if they do it once, they are capable of doing it again. In my experience, every guy/girl I know who has cheated on his wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend has done so multiple times. At the same time, if I ever cheated on someone I would not expect them to take me back.
2006-10-20 05:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by the cat who went to heaven 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for forgiving your husband. It is so much better than holding bitterness in your heart. (There is a freedom in forgiveness and bondage in bitterness) I can definitely understand why there's a trust issue of course. Jesus makes it clear that the only time divorce is acceptable is due to marital unfaithfulness, so you wouldn't be doing anything wrong if you got divorced. If I found out my (soon to be) husband cheated on me, I would be devestated, but it's hard for me to say if I would divorce him. I'd hope that I would be able to forgive him and give him another chance, but who knows. I hope and pray it works out for you!
2006-10-20 05:20:55 · answer #9 · answered by prepschoolforeternity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't for those exact reasons. They say it takes years to build trust and only a suspicion to destroy it. You have actual proof and that could be irrepairable. I would suggest you two get some counseling if you are both serious about making it work.
I don't think you should just let it go...he gave you reason to be sucpisious....but if you want it to work, you are going to have to give him an inch every now and then. good luck hon....
2006-10-20 05:23:50 · answer #10 · answered by babe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋