My husband sent me an email today telling me that if I do not lose weight by January, he is leaving me. Is it just me or is this f**ked up? I have gained a little over 30 pounds. I do want to lose it, but I have been so stressed and busy that I have lost interest in going to the gym. It hurts me that my own husband would say this to me. I don't even know what to say to him. I have always struggled with weight so this is a sensitive topic for me. He has been asking me for a couple of months to lose weight, but it doesn't motivate me...it just makes me mad. Do you think this means he doesn't love me? I'm not sure how to read into this. Basically his email said that he does not want a fat wife and that he is begging me to lose weight. I am so hurt right now. Does anyone have any advice?
2006-10-20 04:39:00 · 16 answers · asked by Bea 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you to everyone who has responded. I'm at work right now and reading your answers has really helped me sort out my feelings. I was crying when I wrote it and now I have calmed down. THANK YOU ALL! Sincerely! It means a lot.
2006-10-20 05:03:47 · update #1
I can't believe anyone's husband would say something like that. When my husband and I got married I wore a size 12, after 8 yrs of marriage I was in a size 22 ~ guess what he never said a word. Now that I have lost 2 pant sizes and 20 lbs with the help of LA Weight Loss and of my own decision to make myself healthier he supports me. If my husband would have told me that I would say why wait until January, October is a great month for you to leave. I would tell him, do you have any idea how that makes me feel, say we got married for better for worse, if this is my worse and you want to leave, then leave, if you love me, you will stay and when I am ready to lose the weight I will. I will tell you what I have learned, nobody can make you feel guilty enough to lose weight. You have to want it for yourself. Yes its great to lose weight and be healthy, it really does make a difference in every aspect of my life, but I would have never stuck with it if it hadn't been of my own will. Good Luck honey!
2006-10-20 04:50:55 · answer #1 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe marriage vows include in them, "will you take the woman/man for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and if he/she gains weight you have the right to leave the piggy!" I don't remember that being in my vows!! I've gained a total of about 50 lbs. and my husband isn't asking me to lose weight! I think and feel like a tub of whale blubber!! Whenever I call my self fat*ss or something of the sort, he told me it hurts him when I put myself down! Is that a sweet man or what?!
Do you really want a man that wants to change you? Don't people go into a marriage with the knowledge that you can't change your spouse? If you married them - the vows do mean something! Not that when you get tired of your mate, or if you think their gaining some weight it's time to drop them cuz you don't want a fat spouse!! Drop him, obviously his mother did numerous times when he was a baby, and move on! Girl, there are a lot of men out there who don't care if you put on a little weight! He's a total pig and doesn't deserve a goddess as yourself!!
2006-10-20 11:50:44 · answer #2 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely think your husband made a bad move by emailing you!! He should talk to you about it, instead of sending a note. I do agree how you must feel with his issue, he doesn't seem to be going about it the right way. However, you need to confront him on the issue. If he loves you, which if he married you, I'm sure he does, he will see how it made you feel. If you have been stressed maybe you need help from him to wind down at the end of the day. Together you guys should start walking or exercising and see if he would be open to dieting together. It will make it so much easier if you both try to eat healthier than for you to try eating salads while he is snacking on burgers!!
2006-10-20 11:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by Meg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is the latest in the hurtful and insensitive things he's said to you over the years. You know that this isnt the only issue he insults you about.Verbally and actionwise . Like turning up his nose at things you say or do. With a man like that, what you need to ask yourself is, if you really want to stay with him at all. I dont know if he loves you or not. You need to look at the things he's done and said over time and ask yourself that question. Personally I would tell him that if he doesnt like my weight, their is always someone else who will love it and then leave his @$$. If that idiot had any sensitivity knowing its a soft topic with you he would get a gym membership for the both of you and work with you to get it off. Does he go places with you anymore? Or do you stay home while he hangs out with his buds. You need to look into your relationship and see if you want to keep that insensitive cockroach.
2006-10-20 12:03:30 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UM. 1) when you get married you are supposed to love the person for everything including some extra weight. If he gained 30lbs, would he want you to do to him what he's doing to you?
Prolly not.
I'm on the opposite end of you, I've struggled with bulimia for 10 years. And quite honestly,I wish I could gain 30lbs and be fine with it.
Now, if he wanted you to lose weight for health concerns, itd be one thing, shows that he cares about your wellbeing and etc. But the fact that he is being that petty goes to show what kind of man he really is. I'd tell him he isnt all that and a bag of chips and say if YOU don't change your attitude towards me and become more supportive of my current efforts to lose weight, I'll leave you in a week.
hes an *** for saying that to you!. Its much easier fopr weight to come off of men than it is women. I think he loves you but I think he is being very shallow.
i'm so sorry he is giving you an ultimatum like this. You seriously shouln't have to live your life in fear that if you don't LOOK the way your hubby wants you to look then he'll leave you. NOt everything is about him, you do whats right for you and you lose the weight in a healthy manner, healthy way and healthy amount of time. and if he doesn't like it oh well, because when you do finally get the weight off, he'll be kicking himself.
And there is so much more to aperson than just weight.
BIG hugs to you!
2006-10-20 11:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by cawfeebeanz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1. Contact a lawyer and find out if a man can divorce his wife for being overweight in the state where you live.
2. Is he worried about your health, or just wanting a thinner gal?
(I have threatened my husband with divorce if he didn't quit smoking because I didn't want to be a widow)
3. Lose 30 pounds and get a divorce, OR
4. Don't lose any weight and get a divorce now, and find a man who really loves YOU.
2006-10-20 11:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by gg 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry that you are married to an a**hole and a coward. That is awful for him to e-mail you. I would invite him to lunch then kick him straight in the n*t's and tell him not to wait until January to pack his bags and leave.
My wife is very beautiful and also struggles with weight issues. I would never demand her to lose weight.
Good luck with your husband and don't worry about your weight, you will lose the weight when you want to.
2006-10-20 11:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that must have hurt. I don't understand how some people can be so mean. And no, it's not just you, that really is f**ked up.
In terms of advice....well loosing the weight comes to mind, but I know how difficult that can be. And, I think it would important, if you choose this route, that you loose it for yourself, not because your hubby is being so mean.
2006-10-20 11:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is messed up what he said but you need to try for him. I would run into the gym if my husband even mention something like that. He loves you, I guess he feels like your not trying for him. Just show that you are trying to do something about it. I was a 30 lbs heavier at the first on the year. He was my modivation to go get it off. Good Luck and sorry about the situation!!!
2006-10-20 11:45:33 · answer #9 · answered by **What??** 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should seriously question whether you really love this man, he is coming across as being selfish,shallow,and a bully he did not even have the decency to talk to you face to face! is this really the sort of person you want to be with. he should love you for you regardless of what size you are after all you are still lthe same person inside.
2006-10-20 11:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋