"I would appreciate it if this is something that is addressed as a serious concern." Doesn't sound right?

Question

In writing a formal complaint letter to one of our corporate stores, my manager ended the letter with,

"I would appreciate it if this is something that is addressed as a serious concern."

I told him this doesn't sound right, and when he asked me why, I couldn't explain, I told him it just doesn't.

I'd also really appreciate explanations as to how this works grammatically.

okay good, so judging from the responses, im not the crazy one, he is.

to me, if your going to say,

"i would appreciate it if..."

then you have to end it with a solid desired goal.

"this matter is dealt with as soon as possible"

i cant really explain why, but it has to be SHORT and to the POINT

Answer 1

"I would appreciate your treating this as a serious matter".

That is more concisely phrased yet says basically the same thing.

Grammatically there was nothing wrong with the original sentence but it was too wordy....."this is something that is" is not the best way to describe anything!

Whenever possible use fewer words rather than more. It shows efficiency and is easier for the recipient to wade through!

Well done to you though for being astute enough to recognize that your boss's letter needed some editing.

I hope he appreciates "that you are someone who needs to be thought of as a useful employee" (as he would say) or "you are a useful employee" as he ought to say! lol

Answer 2

I'd address the grammatical breaches (not major by any stretch) but I'm overly tired at 2:30 am - so I'll try and rephrase for you.

"I would appreciate it if this matter were treated as a serious concern"

or better yet..

"I would greatly appreciate it, were this matter be given serious consideration"

Hope this helps :)

Answer 3

You need to be more specific with the details of the letter. If he is writing a formal complaint to the corporate office, he should be contacting his district of regional supervisor to advise them of the report, as they will be contacted and might not be to appreciative of being in the dark, when they are questioned concerning the letter.

Answer 4

I think it's the tense of the word "would" disagreeing with "is" that doesn't sound right. And also, it just doesn't sound very formal.
Perhaps an ending more like, "I appreciate your attention to this serious concern," would sound better.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

It sounds "choppy." I think it is grammatically correct but people just don't talk like that. I'd say "Thank you in advance for your attention to this serious matter" or similar.

Answer 7

I don't know the rules, but I would have written:

"I would appreciate it if you addressed this matter as a serious concern."

Answer 8

Well, he's asking the reader to address a serious concern; but, it looks like he’s tripping over himself to be polite. How about something more direct like:
“I appreciate your immediate attention to this serious concern (or issue, matter, subject, problem, challenge, crisis, dilemma).”
“Your immediate attention to this serious issue is (would be) appreciated.”

Answer 9

I think the words "this" and "something" are redundant. It would sound better as follows:

"I would appreciate it if this be addressed as a serious concern."
-MM

Answer 10

It's a little bit clumsy, but it is grammatically correct.