I have been married for 9 years and just recently went back to work part-time. I find myself wanting rather to be at work , than at home with my kids and husband. I work closely with this one guy and am falling for the , i hope, harmless flirting. My husband and I work opposite shifts, so could it be that maybe i'm using this guy as a crutch for my emotional needs? Has anyone ever been in this type of situation, and how did you handle it?
2006-10-20 04:27:54 · 28 answers · asked by hamera7925 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me ask you this... how would you feel if your husband was doing the exact same thing thing at his job?
From experience... nothing good will come out of it.
It's human nature to get crushes, even if you're married. But there's a difference between harboring a secret little crush and outwardly flirting with the person.
I'd be willing to bet that you feel something is missing in your relationship with your husband, and you're trying to fulfill that need elsewhere. This may be the first time you've been around other men without your husband around in a long time. Sometimes, as women, we feel the need to justify our "femininity," to prove to ourselves that we're still attractive and desirable.
If you truly want this to stop without sacrificing your job... my suggestion would be to try to bring up your children, and even your husband, as much as possible. Work them into the conversation, and I'd be willing to bet that it'll make you feel guilty enough to keep the conversations strictly platonic.
Good luck.
2006-10-20 04:42:09 · answer #1 · answered by xxandra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess, you got married at a young age too? It's perfectly normal to develop these feelings if you get a little distracted on what's really important in your life. It's something that you have to really think about. You are always going to be a mom, whether you end your marriage or run away with this new guy. Be careful not to get hurt either. Does this guy know you're married and have kids? Is he truly falling for you too or is he just playing it to his advantage and getting something that he wants? Just like they say that some women go after married men because they know that the guy is safe, etc. Some men do the same thing. I hate using this word, but some men actually look for "milfs". Someone that just needs the attention that they don't have at home but have spent a very long time in a relationship and won't leave it. I'm not saying that that's you, but it's something to really think about. All of us can flirt, and tease, but to take it to the next level....I dunno. Hope this helps.
2006-10-20 04:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by low1sk8er 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation as you only I am engaged rather than married. I have been with my guy for over 5 years.
What you are feeling, for this other guy, is only a flirtation. You know in your heart you love the man you are married to. Since you and your hubby work separate shifts, I do feel that he (the guy at work) is just a 'filler' so to speak for your lack of time with your husband.
Make an effort to spend some alone time with your husband. Let the kids sleep over a friend's or grandparents house. Make a weekend getaway with your hubby. Even if you dont actually go away, rent videos, go out to a fancy resturant, spend the whole day in bed together.
Not to worry, this feeling you have for the guy at work will cool. I know it may seem like he is the new fling for you, but that is truely all it is, a fling.
If you need someone to talk with about this, or just someone to just vent on, you can email me.
Good luck.
2006-10-20 04:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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If you want to leave your husband, then do that now, why do you have to wait another 6-12 months? I would suggest if you are certain that you want to leave your husband, then do so, then spend at least 3 months by yourself. After that, if you still have feelings for this other person then consider asking them if they want to go for lunch or something. Do bear in mind, however, issues regarding workplace romances. Some organisations actively discourage (or even ban) workplace relationships in their policies. And if it doesn't work out, how would that affect your job? Do you directly work with this other person? Would you be able to continue working there if the two of you had come out of a failed relationship?
2016-04-13 00:34:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are talking about. I have been married for 7 years and last year was hard for my husband and I. I was working with this guy, I wouldn't say I had a crush on him, but he was far more interesting and intriging to talk to than my husband. I actually got to where I didn't want to go home at the end of the day. I would stay an hour after work, just talking to this guy. I do understand what you are talking about. Don't mess up your marriage. It will pass. Your kids and your husband love you, they need you at home. It took me a while to get this right. I realized that it was wrong and started getting right home after work.
Good Luck!
2006-10-20 04:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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RE:
I am married and have a workplace crush.?
I have been married for 9 years and just recently went back to work part-time. I find myself wanting rather to be at work , than at home with my kids and husband. I work closely with this one guy and am falling for the , i hope, harmless flirting. My husband and I work opposite shifts, so could...
2015-08-24 12:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by Sacha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and I strongly recommend you be very careful on all fronts.
sweetheart you are dancing with danger and unless you are willing to accept the fact that you may 1. lose your job, 2. get caught. 3. fall hoepless ly in love and cause a divorce for you or him if he is married. 4. weave a web of lies and deceat , lose your husband, job only to find out this guy you hopelessly love won't work out.
I'm not say don't do I'm saying becareful and think real hard about the situation and dig deep in your soul, your gut will tell you what to do.
But it can get complicated and cause more pain than you ever expected.
2006-10-20 06:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in an opposite type of situation once. I was married, and a girl I was working with got a serious crush on me. She was getting married. She wasn't harassing me, in fact, she was very matter of fact and friendly when she said that if I didn't want anything she'd respect that, but that she was willing to have an affair.
In my case, I just played the jerk card. I told her that it was fine with me, but I didn't share very well, so she'd have to leave her fiance. Also, I said to her that I really did like my wife better, since my wife was so much prettier, so she'd have to be understanding and she would have to share nice. The funny part was that day she thought it sounded very reasonable. I went home in a panic, trying to figure out how I was going to weasel out of it all, but by the next morning she'd come to her senses and decided to stay with her fiance.
2006-10-20 04:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I want to congratulate you on knowing that this could be a potential problem. It more than likely is a crutch for your emotional needs however keep in mind all the consequences of what may come of this if you do not do something about it. If you would to get involved with this guy and your husband found out he would and can take your children from you. Not very often do judges award custody of minor children to an adulterer/ess. I know this because my ex-husband tried to say that I had commited adultry in order to get custody of our children. Unfortunately for him they did not believe it and thank God because my children are my life. Can you live with only seeing your children every other weekend and for a few hours on birthdays and holidays? Can you cope with the finanial stress of having a lawyer that bills $175/hour? No man is worth getting in debt or losing your children for. Besides all he may want is a fling and some men will promise anything to get it. You really need to assess your situation and determine if this job is worth losing "everything" for.
2006-10-20 04:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by sapphiresunstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is this lady that I work with that I have a huge crush on, but she married and i am single. We flirt, and I know she fancies me, but i also know nothing will come of it. It's just wrong.You have children to think about, and a husband who would be crushed if you did this. Please don't be selfish and give in to your weakness. If you have to, quit this job for the sake of your family. Stay strong.
2006-10-20 04:33:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋