My bf and i are living together for more than 2 years now. Relationship wise, we're great. We're almost living like a married couple, just w/o the legal contract. Only 1 thing we disagree on. I want to be married 1st b4 buying a house and he wants it the other way around. His logic is this: Him buying a house will give him self assurance that He can support a family in the future if we do get married.
2006-10-20 04:22:42 · 20 answers · asked by MISSTERY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand both views. Sorry i know i am not helping
2006-10-20 04:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by R C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two have lived together for two years and still have a great relationship then why haven't you married? 2 yrs is plenty time enough too know if you love each other and want too make a commitment too each other.
I don't agree with your boyfriend's logic. BUT..If you buy a home together, make sure that both of your names are on that home..There is no reason that he should disagree with that, if he's only wanting too buy a house for "self assurance" reasons..I've seen too many couples break up that were living together and buying a house together and most of the time, It's only the guys name on the deed, even though both were living there and making payments..guess who the house belongs too in that situtation? The man. So whatever decision you make, use your head and have your name put on that house also..
2006-10-20 12:46:39 · answer #2 · answered by Rose T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's seems to be feeling inadaquate as a possible husband and future father. Buying a house will give him the assurance and foundation to start a family. It doesn't seem to be a question of your relationship(my friends just did this-together 6 yrs, now bought a house, and will eventually get married) or his ability to commit(buying a house is a HUGE committment just like marriage). If you feel strong about marriage first, tell him exactly how you feel, ask for a details on why the house should come first, and maybe you should get a place of your own(a small apartment) and let him live in the house until he's ready for marriage. This may tie loose ends in your relationship and test the future possibilities. Good luck.
2006-10-20 11:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT get into a real estate deal without marriage or a written contract detailing your rights in the case that you break up. If you do not do either and at some point move out you cannot recover any money or improvements. The courts will consider you " just friends" and will send you away to work it out on your own. If you are married you can sue for divorce and recover your input. A good friend ran into this exact situation and ended up losing her down payment which was funded from the sale of her former house. Love is grand but does not require that you not protect your rights. The easiest thing is get married first.
2006-10-20 12:04:58 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were engaged but we were looking at houses before our marriage. We actually found we liked and closed out a week before the wedding, My husband moved in on the 15th and we were married on the 19th. Maybe you can compromise and buy one like that ~ we both felt that it would be better (for us) to buy a house using a first time buyers program, then renting or living with someone until we had a house. You already live together, so buying a house together seems logical to me as long as you both are comfortable with the idea. Good Luck.
2006-10-20 11:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The large scale purchase of a house will do nothing of the sort. As a matter of fact, when or if a dissolution of your relationship occurs, the prime issue will be the house and/or proceeds recognized from its sale.
Having a steady and good paying job, arranging your life to coincide with that of your spouse and showing one another the fact you care for, love, support one another and have a strong and unbreakable desire to live together for the rest of your lives is what gives you the self confidence to move towards marriage.
As far as assurances go, self or otherwise...there are none.
2006-10-20 11:36:03 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it just HIM buying this house, or the both of you????
If it is just him, say go ahead buy your stupid house. But if it is him wanting the BOTH of you to buy this house, then I would want to be married, or at least make sure BOTH names were on the mortgage. That way you would have some assurance that you wouldn't lose anything.
Really, most people purchase a family home AFTER the wedding...
2006-10-20 11:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by Cblack22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you BOTH are gonna buy this house, and both of your credit is on the line, I agree with you 100%, be married first. A house is not like some rinky dink credit card bill, these payments will be there for many years to come. IF things don't work out (and I hope they will) and you all are not married, someone will move out of the house and will not be able to make their own new housing payment AND the previous mortgage payment and someone is gonna get screwed. Stand your ground. I got screwed letting a boyfriend get a car in my name, now my credit is trashed.
2006-10-20 11:47:21 · answer #8 · answered by Diamonds_4Ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what is the right thing....the important is love then get married after, so that you will think together what will be the things you needed for a new couple. BUy house when you are ready financially, and when you also find your dreamhouse together. Have some kids so that the house become a "home sweet home". wish you Luck..!
2006-10-20 11:37:39 · answer #9 · answered by jacky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you buying the house with him, will your money and credit be on this house? If so you guys should be married. That way if someting happens and you break up you have the law to protect you. If he is buying it on him own, your money and credit will not go towards the house, then it doesn't matter. Will you be paying half the house note? You better be married before you invest your income into something that has only his name on it.
2006-10-20 11:32:17 · answer #10 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am engaged and my fiancee and I bought a house together, not married until 2007...ew said if we cannot live together, support our own lives with a house, then what is the point of getting married. We are testing it out.
It depends on your own views...but please understand that neither of you are wrong for feeling as you do.
2006-10-20 11:46:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋