My boyfriend and I intellectually are unequal. Will this pose a problem?

Question

I am earning my Masters Degree and like to engage in some form of mentally stimulating conversation, however, I can not have it with my boyfriend. He doesn't understand simple words such as "annually" However, he takes care of me, looks out for me, protects me, and is a good boyfriend. Should his intellect be a major issue?

Answer 1

Love can overcome a lot, but intellectual incompatibility is quite a hurdle.

You will quite likely find yourself longing for an intelligent conversationalist somewhere along the way - someone who can keep your attention in AND out of the bedroom.

You have to be able to respect the person with whom you choose to have a long-term relationship. Speaking for myself, I have trouble with ignorance and stupidity - especially when they are willful and/or unapologetic. You may find yourself trying to change him into something he is not, and he will most certainly resent this.

I have a cousin whose twenty-year marriage dissolved when her husband was threatened and intimidated by her pursuit of her PhD. Much depends on him and his reaction to and acceptance of your intellect, education, and career.

My wife (of 26 years) and I are intellectually similar, with both similar and dissimilar interests which seem to complement each other well. The downside is that nobody will play trivia games with us. So far, so good.

Anyway, the choice is obviously yours (and his). Know that the road you are on is a difficult one which will take patience and understanding above and beyond the normal relationship. Much of this patience will no doubt fall on your shoulders.

Blessings on you as you find and follow your path.

Answer 2

It sounds like it will be for you. Don't confuse your level of education and his with each of your intellectual capacities. Many very intelligent people were simple in their language and did not gain a college degree or even a high school diploma (i.e. Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, etc.). This may make you an elitist or it may mean that you have simply noticed a disparity in your relationship that you already feel will be a problem at some point. Look down the road...are you considering marriage? Would you be comfortable marrying this man? Would you be comfortable having children with this man? Whatever you do, don't talk down to him or make him feel less than you because of your education. That will not end well for anyone. Good luck!

Answer 3

First, I don't think this is proof that he masturbates to the picture. Second, fantasy and reality are two way different things. Even if he thinks she is cute and he masturbates to her picture, that doesn't mean that he likes her more and you less. Were you snooping on his computer? Is there a trust issue there? Why don't you just talk to him? If you act jealous or upset, he might not open up to you. If the two of you can discuss these things openly, he will feel closer to you because he will know that he can trust you with his innermost feelings. Sometimes, just verbalizing what he's feeling will be very helpful. And if you don't like that he has the picture, you can explain calmly and rationally about how that makes you feel. He will be glad that you love him enough that you are able to talk to him without too much drama. It may convince him that upsetting you is not worth the pleasure he gets from the picture. On the other hand, you may find out that he really likes your friend. In that case, is he really the guy for you? That would be hurtful for you, but it's better to know than to let your relationship drag on for months or years. Communication is the key.

Answer 4

Yes, this could become a major issue in the future. I don't know how old you are or what your current professional status is, but as a person gets older and matures, what is acceptable and great changes. Will your boyfriend be able to feel comfortable in a setting of intellectual people? When your status changes, your circle of people will probably change too. Mixing the two is hard. That is usually what causes insecurities and stress in the relationship. However, if you really love him, you can encourage his mental and intellectual growth. If he really loves you, he will honestly consider your suggestion. Best of Luck!!!

Answer 5

I was in such a situation once and it just didn't work out. Intellectually, we couldn't talk about books, politics, life and even though he was/is hot and beautiful, he makes for a much better friend than a partner. I since found someone who challenges me intellectually which is a lot more stimulating and fun. Unless you can not let it bother you (and it will if you think about it enough) and accept him for who and what he is, you will have problems down the line.

Answer 6

When you're in college, your focus is on intellectual things related to what you're studying. So that's what you tend to think about and talk about more. I'm guessing from your screen name that you're studying social work. Once you are finished with school, a big part of your job is going to be relating to every day people. I think you and your boyfriend will be more on the same wavelength once you're away from school. Just try not to talk down to him and make him feel like a lesser person. There are probably things he does that you wouldn't understand either.

Answer 7

To expect one person to fulfill all of your needs is not realistic.
You can try and get blood from a stone, or look to your girlfriends or other relationships for the stimulation you crave.
If you expect your bf to give you what he can't you'll be disappointed each time. If everything else is good, then stay with him and get your needs met in other ways.
You can make it an issue, or just love him for who he is, and take care of your needs in a balanced manner.

Hope this helps!

Answer 8

It is if you let it be.

I know what you mean though. I feel as if I'm patronising some people by using words that are big to them but natural to me. I feel as if they think I'm being a smartass, so I guess it only causes problems if they mind you being on a different level of intellect. Love sees past all that, and if you can accept him for who he is, and he can accept you for who you are, nothing should break that apart.

Answer 9

On the long run, it probably will. I had a boyfriend who was really sweet and nice, but as dumb as a crumb. He was good in the sack too, because he was very much in touch with his instincts. I had to leave him at the end though, he held me back in my career, plus I couldn't go anywhere with him. I didn't dare to present him to any of my peers. So, there you go... enjoy him while it lasts.

Answer 10

It will probably cause at least some. Being smarter than your significant other can lend itself to being frustrated with them, especially you have to continually explain things and "educate" them. They may develop feelings of inadequacy for being not as smart as you, as well, which isn't a good thing either but none of it should be a fatal blow to the relationship.