My wife and I have a 18 year old son that just turned 18, he is still in high school and has a steady girlfriend. He is very strong willed and often "tests" his boundaries and prides himself on finding loopholes in just about everything he can think of. When we do take action such as grounding or lecturing, he give us the "whatever" attitude. Generally he is a good kid, averge grades, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or do drugs and for the most part follows rules. However, he has been lazy about getting a job and seems to want to spend more time with his girlfriend, which is daily, at times ALL day either at her house or our house. He is now pushing our boundaries with wanting her to spend the night or wanting to spend the night at her house. We are at our wits end with him. He see's 18 as being an age where he no longer has to follow rules or listen to us to an extent. What can we do?
2006-10-20 03:58:08 · 24 answers · asked by WOLFHUSKIE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I guess I need to clarify a few things. First my wife and I DO NOT let his girlfriend spend the night, nor do we allow him to spend the night at her house. Our son as been strong willed all his life, last year we grounded him for 2 weeks for leaving the house without permission so that he could go hang out with a friend. He would not speak to anyone for 2 weeks. We played along and acted as though it didn't bother us. We went as far as commenting on how peaceful it was around the house, he never made it until the end, he finally broke. We do establish boundaries and rules. With regard to the Job issue, he continually informs us that he has applied here and there, which we cannot see how he has the time too. Its just frustrating because you want them to be respectful of you and your rules
2006-10-20 04:16:53 · update #1
Ah, loves young dream.
It's probably just a phase that he is going through and the novelty will wear off eventually.
Although he is 18, he still needs to realise that he should have respect for your home and your rules. Everybody has to follow rules whether they like it or not, whether that be at home, in a place of employment or just in general. What makes him think that he is exempt?!
If he doesn't like the rules imposed at your house, suggest that he finds himself a job and an alternative place to live. Until then he should shape up or ship out!
I have all this to come (two boys aged 7 and 12...eek!)
2006-10-20 04:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by Witchywoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try and go head-to-head with him on things, it won't work. Trying to force him into anything will just make him push back harder.
He may be more inclined to get a job if he realises that it'll give him more money, and allow him to take his girlfriend out to dinner, or buy her a nice Christmas present etc. If he mentions things he'd like to do but can't afford, that's a good time to say "Hey, a part time job could get you an extra $xxx a week".
In a sense, he's right about 18 being an age at which rules change, but he needs to understand that it just means following *different* rules. If he acts too slack too long, his girlfirend will soon start kicking him back into line, for one thing.
Come at the problem from the angle that you accept he is an independent adult now, and that you're glad he's ready for the responsibilities that entails - if he doesn't understand what these are yet, he'll probably find out of his own accord pretty sharpish.
2006-10-20 04:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by InitialDave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/kxiAF
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.
2016-07-19 01:01:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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Dealing with a Rebellious/Strong willed 18 year old son?
My wife and I have a 18 year old son that just turned 18, he is still in high school and has a steady girlfriend. He is very strong willed and often "tests" his boundaries and prides himself on finding loopholes in just about everything he can think of. When we do take action such as...
2015-08-06 17:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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He has a lot going for him. Courts will look at how meaningful and productive a person is to society. As his first offense, he should probably get off with a fine. But I don't know the details. Did he try to sell to minors? Around a school? These things will make it much more serious. He should immediately start community service. Don't wait to be ordered. That way he can say he is truly remorseful and felt he should start repaying his debt to society on his own. He can also show that while it was a huge mistake, he was well-intentioned (misguided thinking, yes). He wanted to help at home and peers convinced him this was fast money and a large amount. He now knows how terrible this was. Don't fret. Get a good lawyer and he'll be fine. He has a lot of potential and it's a rare one among us who hasn't done something stupid in our youth. Even judges.
2016-04-13 00:34:49 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep this is tough. As long as your children live under your roof, as my Dad would say, they must follow your rules. When the answer come out I am 18 and do not have to follow your rules might respond with OK that's fine. From that point forward ask for rent food travel electric gas water monies for the usage he in cures at his new found adulthood. If for some reason he can not pay don't cave in just send him to bed with dinner a few times and I think he might just figure he does not have as bad as he might think. The hardest thing I have found is I give my Son everything I did not have and then some. Its hard when they get that age to stop and make them be responsible.
2006-10-20 04:04:48 · answer #6 · answered by Ben M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my mother-in-law describing my husband at 18 as long as schools grades are good let him be ,once school is over let him find his own way with a little help from you for awhile say 2 years if by then his a slacker there's not much hope but until my husband found something that he liked to do he was your son ,now he has a great job and 5 children.
2006-10-20 04:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by csaw3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is at an age where he can do as he pleases. It's time to let him grow up. It's time to lay out the ground rules. Establish a plan that covers the time limit he has to get a job and any other things that are in questiion. Love him enough to put him out if necessary. It's almost too late to teach him to stand on his own two feet. If you don't do it now, then be content with having this for a very long time. If you want to save him and make him the man you know he has to be, be strong enough to put him out if necessary.
2006-10-20 04:03:21 · answer #8 · answered by Letsee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but, i had this problem when i was growing up...............And the best thing i can tell you is to give his young *** an lesson an since he wants to be grown show him what real life is about because now he thinks that he can live off you guys an go an come as he please. I'd tell him just like this since your so grown you owe us rent every mouth he need to pay all his bills such as cell phone an whatever else bills he has that you guys handle, an give him an startin date. an let him know your not playin an it's needs to be done weather he has an job or not. an even it you give him an week or two to look for an job thats more that an enough time for him to find an steady job, because for one his an male an his young so he an can an job anywhere. the best thing i can tell you is that you'll need to be hard on him other wise he's going to think he can run ova top you guys.
2006-10-20 04:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by bx123rd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well being a 21 year old I can really relate to not wanting to listen to my parents. I mean once you turn 18 you feel mature and smart but most of all you feel like your parents don't realize how "smart" and "mature you actually are. What you consider to be "testing his boundaries" he more than likely considers to be self exploration. You already said yourself that he is generally a good kid which means you obviously did your part as his parent. What parents usually fail to understand is that sometimes figuring out who you are requires a good healthy dose of parental defiance. Obviously your son is completely and totally in love with his girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with that and I am sure that soon to your relief and the dismay of his girlfriend that the infatuation will end. I truly doubt that his unwillingness to get a job is due to his relatonship because being married I am sure you know how expensive women can be. = )
Maybe he has other reasons for not wanting to work that he isn't telling you. What I do know is that you should not take it personally when he defies you and you might find that the less pressure you put on him the more inclined he will be to do the right thing. For me, the sure fire way to put me off something is for my parents to "suggests" it. I have an automatic "no" reflex when it comes to them. It has nothing to do with what they are saying because let's face it parents are wise and they know a lot. ( Don't tell my parents I said that!) But trust me at your son's age the teenage mind is not exactly ready to draw that conclusion. In my life my friends are the most important to me so much so that I have actually taken their "silly" advice over my parents good advice. So as long as your son has good positive friends he will be fine. I think you should relax and try not to put so much pressure on him. If he has good character then he will make good choices. Just because he doesn't want to do things in ther order that you think is best does not mean that his life is headed for the crapper. Sometimes us kids actually have our own plans and goals for the future that our parents know nothing about. So take a deep breathe and try not to let him stress you out. It will all be fine!!!!
2006-10-20 04:31:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋