Is it wrong for me to refuse to go under the knife?

Question

My husband and I recently found out that we are pregnant after 3 years of marriage. About 4 months after finding out this wonderful news, we recieved a call from his brother telling us that he had run off and gottan married. He told us that he and his new wife would be planning a LARGE wedding in the spring. They finally set a date for this large wedding to be only a week after my due date. I have now been asked by his family to talk to my doctor about doing a scheduled C-Section on a date that would make it easier for his family to visit the baby, and attend this wedding. I feel outraged that this was even asked to me, For one thing the health of my child should always come first. 2. he is already married and this wedding is all for show, and gifts. I'm just wondering what other people would do in this situation, and how you would react to your in-laws wanting this from you.

Answer 1

Is not wrong

Answer 2

I would cross my legs and keep that baby in until his wedding day!! How inconsiderate and tactless to even think it would be sensible for you to have an unnecessary surgery so as not to interfere with his desperate ploy for attention (wedding). Even if you did- you wouldn't want to take your tiny new baby to be pawed and fondled by a bunch of germy people at a family function!! I have had 3 c-sections and if you NEED one it isn't that bad and you will be fine but don't go volunteering for it on someone else's behalf. Good Grief- I am just stunned! I cannot believe someone would have the gall to even ask something so insensitive and ridiculous!! If it turns out it is inconvenient for YOU and YOUR HUSBAND to attend this extra wedding- send your regards and enjoy the calm and quiet, eachother and your new blessing. By the time it's convenient for the family to visit you should be feeling a little better and more prepared for company anyway. Good Luck with your pregnancy and baby......and the family.

Answer 3

Congratulations on your pregnancy. What a joy and a blessing.

I agree with most everyone on here. There is absolutely no reason for you to give in to your in-laws and have a C. First, there is the chance that the baby would not be ready. Planning to take the child early takes away the babies chance of developing on its own. Babies come when they are ready to be in the outside world (other than the few that wait weeks after they are due and have to be induced). Second, you are placing yourself at risk by having major surgery. It will, more than likely, take you longer to recover after having a C. Third, you will more than likely want to have more children and although a vaginal birth is possible after a C there are hospitals that will not do them. So, you would be at risk of having to have a C with every child that you concieve after this and never getting the option of having a "natural" childbirth.

And although you could request from your doc to induce, I would not necessarily go this route either. I was never given pitocin, but I was given a drug vaginally to encourage my cervix to "ripen" and my labor with my daughter lasted 12 hours and they ended up using the vacuum to get her out. My son I allowed to come naturally and I was only six or less hours with him and it was much easier. I always wonder if I had left my daughter to her own devices if she would have come faster or easier.

Allow your body and your child to decide when you should go into labor and you, your child, and your spouse will be much happier in the long run. Your in-laws need to understand that you are looking at what is best for the baby's health as well as your own and convenience is not convenient for you.

Answer 4

First of off, my jaw is on the floor! I am so sorry you have to deal with such unreasonable people.

I can't believe that your in-laws would suggest such a thing!!!! How selfish of them...

IMHO, do not schedule a c-section to accommodate them!!!Because of the timing of their "wedding", I would simply say you cannot go because it is just too close to your due date. Even if you had the baby early and to them, you could conceivably (no pun intended) go to this "wedding", it would not be wise to expose your newborn to all those people, plus you would be only a couple weeks post partum and a new mom needs all the rest you can get and going to a "wedding" could be very stressful for you, the baby etc. Also, not to mention, c-sections are harder to recover from because it is major abdominal surgery and your doctor probably would probably advise against going!

If this sort of request was asked of me, I would say absolutely not. I would simply tell my brother in law and to move the date of THEIR event if they want the baby to be able to attend, and that the minimum age you would feel comfortable exposing your baby to throngs of people is to 3 months of age. If that was not possible, then you will be unable to attend.

Sorry you are in this situation......

Enjoy your pregnancy and I would love to hear the outcome of this one....

Answer 5

No Way!!! They are nuts. I would say you are going to miss that wedding. That's so selfish of his family. C-sections are horrible and I would never plan one on purpose. I had an emergency with my first baby and my second baby was a VBAC. They are painful and if you do this before the wedding you will still be in a lot of pain after the fact for several weeks. They should ask him to change his wedding date by a month. No one should put this type of stress on you in this wonderful and joyful time in your life.
Good luck

Answer 6

Tell them your docotr said babie sare born when they are good and ready and that is how nature intended it and how he manages his patients' pregnancies. In addition, C-sections carry the danger of infection, and the babies often are born with some liquid in their lungs because they did not have the chance to have it squeezed out of them as they come out of the birth canal. Also, why shoul dyou get an unecessary scar and go through the terrible pain of surgery. Once you had a c-section, your chances of having a vaginal birth next time are much much lower. Many OBG won't do them for fear that your uterus may rupture, as it happens sometimes, and they will be sued for malpractice. Plus, you want to be in the best possible shape after giving birth so that you can care for yourself and your new baby. How can they think that would be the case after major surgery, even if everything goes well, you will have difficulty lifting your baby at the beggining, will have to stay away from heat (no cooking) and will have to wait longer to have comfortable sexual relations. What are they thinking??? Would the go through unecessary surgery to attend lets say your baby's baptism? Doub it, so why should you? It makes me so mad to think they dare to suggest this.
DO NOT DO IT.
From now on, you, your baby and your husband come first and second. Everyone else, unless they pay your rent and your bills can go to H_ _ _.

Answer 7

The health of you and your baby are what is important.

I can't imagine anyone having the audacity to suggest a C-section for their own convenience of visiting the baby. Not only is a C-section major surgery, I bet the OB won't do it for the reason that you just gave.

Besides, if they just set a date for the wedding then everything must not be booked up yet. Let them move the wedding date.

Answer 8

Do these silly people actually think that a doctor will do a cesarean section to suit their schedule? A c-section is Major Surgery and NO doctor would even consider, for one minute, doing one for anything but serious medical complications!
Where do people get these ideas?
Do they really think that a mother would have major surgery just for the convenience of a party that they are having? What kind of a goofy family did you marry into?
Sorry to say this but these people are thoughtless, rude and more than a little stupid. You are right to feel outraged!
Good luck and do not let them boss you around!
Lady T

Answer 9

It is your life...if you don't want to go under the knife and have a c-section, then don't!! I would be OUTRAGED if that was even brought up to me...I can only imagine how you are feeling. The family will be able to visit the baby after the wedding...why does it have to be before?? Unless it is medically required, a natural birth is always best...

Answer 10

I would never have a C section for anyone, no matter what the occasion was. BUT you can ask your doctor to Induce your labor. You dont have to have a c section to have the baby earlier. I have done this because my husband works out of town for weeks at a time and I definitley didnt want to go into labor without him here, so we scheduled to induce labor. Most doctors will do that after 37 weeks.

Answer 11

Normally, I try to speak up only if I have something new to add that someone hasn't already said. However, this story is so appalling, I had to write and add my outrage at your in-laws request. If it were me, I'd have probably lost my temper and told them to go f*** themselves before I got control of myself.

My in-laws did ask me to go to a large family reunion 5 days after giving birth, and even then I was a little ticked. I at least wanted the stitches to heal before I faced a large family function, not to mention I didn't feel comfortable exposing my brand new baby to that many people. I told them to make lots of pictures, and we would go next time.

If your husband is putting pressure, tell him when he's the one giving birth with all the stitches then he can make the call.