I have been married for 17 years and my husband and i have an on going problem. He doesn't like sex. I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. I'm afraid this will cause us to divorice. I can't take it. He always has an excuse. I found someone who wants to be with me but we have not had sex . I'm really considering it though.Help. I don't want to get a divorice.
2006-10-20 03:30:54 · 18 answers · asked by stacy 1 in Health ➔ Men's Health
this response is coming from a man, married 38 years, and never having strayed from the lady i married and love. this being said, i'll also chime in that EVERYONE has a libido and it is the responsibility of the other partner in the marriage to provide you with the pleasure that will result in satisfying your sexual wants and desires. you should not have to seek pleasure from anyone, beyond your husband.
i offer the following suggestions. they may seem difficult and/or embarrassing, but, maybe one or two or all will result in the rekindling of your love life.
1. make an official appointment to meet with your husband to place your sexual needs to him in a non-threatening arena. tell him, honestly what your wants and desires are. DON'T TELL HIM HE JUST ISN'T MEETING YOUR NEEDS. let him listen. at the end of your chance to speak, offer him the opportunity to identify his sexual wants and needs. during this portion of the meeting it's your turn to listen. when he is finished EACH one of you need to fill in the following sentence: AFTER LISTENING TO YOU, I CAN TRY TO MEET YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS BY -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(fill in the blank).
2. set a date when attempts to meet each others' need(s) can begin.
3. brainstorm new or different ways to "have fun" and bring about "excitement" in the bedroom (as well as other places).
4. don't forget to be calm, patient, and unaccusatory during this whole procedure.
5. make specific DATES with each other. (dinner out, movie, back home for sex), dinner home, massage (resulting in sex),
watch a porn movie together----let nature take over, etc.
6. if success is not found within a set time------back to the conference table and begin step 1 through to the end.
give this program a once or twice apporach. if successful, fantastic. if unsuccessful, agrue for your husband to have a urological exam, or for both of you to see a marriage counselor.
ALL THE ABOVE is based on whether or not you love your husband and are willing to FIGHT to keep the marriage afloat.
Best of luck!
2006-10-20 12:02:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several factors for you to consider----your age- is your husband at the age where he may need to seek medical attention for decreased sex drive? Try viagra or something similar. Something else to consider is he having an affair? Do the two of you communicate well? Is the relationship good in all other areas? Is sex the only problem the two of you face or is there more at hand to think about? As far as you having found someone else----Baby trust me they always say the things you need to hear and they always make you think they will give you all you are lacking in your relationship you are in. Do not turn to another man especially if you do not want a divorce. You need to talk to your husband and find out why he is not interested in having sex . Try to surprise him by doing things you would not ordinarily do. Dress in something sexy, candlelight, meet him at the door when he comes home from work and take him to a hot bubble bath. Bathe him, talk sexy to him and tell him things you have been thinking of doing with him, massage him, explore his body.....Make him feel like it is the very first time the two of you have ever been together. Make the night all about him and pleauring him even tho you are the one who is about to explode with desire----treat him like a king. He may just get the hint. Ask him to tell you what he wants and needs. Good luck....let me know how things go.
2006-10-23 05:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 17 years of marriage there is nothing wrong with having sex only once a month. But if it really concerns you then you should try getting more time alone with your husband, plan weekend get aways. Stop seeing you new "friend", get to know your husband all over again. Talk to him and get him to open up, maybe it is not that he does not want to, but that he has a problem that he does not feel comfortable discussing with you or his Dr. Not all men are open about erectile problems, and view having them as being less of a man. You may find once you stop putting pressure on him he will open up more and you can get to the real reason behind the his lack of desire.
2006-10-20 03:40:47 · answer #3 · answered by pans_insanity 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him and let him know that you are considering having sex with someone else. You are human and you have needs. Maybe if you and he had a serious, sit down type of discussion you might find that there is a perfectly good reason why he has been lacking. This is not common for a man.
2006-10-20 03:36:21 · answer #4 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 17 yrs and I didn't want to have sex with my husband for one simple fact, I was not in love with him.
If your husband is having health issues demand that he gets a physical. Or find out if he is having sex with someone else.
You two need to clearly sit down and honestly talk with each other.
2006-10-20 03:38:07 · answer #5 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 23 yrs and my husband went through a phase just like that where I wanted it more then he did. After being married that long you kind of get into a rut. I had to learn how to mix it up and actually started to seduce him to kind of give him a jump start. Things are better now.
2006-10-20 03:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by JS 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It was once said "Show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a man who's tired of sleeping with her." This is true of all long relationships I'm afraid, unless they evolve from romance to raunchy.
1. Optimise yourself - slim down, try to make your looks more attractive, slim down, dress how he likes (that's not necessarily sexily), slim down, learn to be sexy (NOT sensual and not sexy like a girl (you're not young any more - girls don't need to behave sexily, they simply ARE sexy) but sexy like a woman), slim down
2. Behave like a shameless whore and do the dirtiest things you can imagine to turn him on again. Remember these things must include you being seen to be really into it as well as wantonly using all of him to get your own enjoyment by whatever means necessary. You're not going to get the fairy-tale romance back again (again that's just for kids) and you're not a sexy babe anymore (who can excite an upgoing reaction by a mere glance), so you need to work at it.
I'm afraid it's not easy unless you're already half-way there in looks and skills and past experiences, but it is achievable. Best of luck, and remember sex is nice but it's not the most important facet of a successful marriage.
2006-10-20 05:17:47 · answer #7 · answered by servir tres frais 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
.Lots of people have sexless marriages. They work out fine. Just talk it over with him, If you don't want a divorce tell him. Sex or no sex should not be a problem unless you make it one. Being happy is an option. Remember to be thankfull he loves you and wants to be with you.
2006-10-20 03:43:38 · answer #8 · answered by short stack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well,it might be that your husband has ed,if so then have him visit his dr.,his dr.usually have samples of viagra,or maybe hes under stess or is he on medication,some of it will cause havoc on his sex life.i doubt it that he doesnt love you anymore.some men dont like to talk about stuff like that.i should know because i was once in the same boat,and i found something to help me and now iam ok.he better see his dr.,he might have a blood lot,or something,restricting the flow of blood to his penis.good luck to you dear and also to your husband.
2006-10-20 05:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try giving him good head. Don't wait till he asks, take the initiative, surprise him. Beg for it. He might respond.
2006-10-20 05:21:48 · answer #10 · answered by blackbird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋