The flying wind 've taken everyone and gone
It took them all away and have almost left me none...
I'm here with my tears, with my sadness and sorrow
regretting all my memories and forgettin my tommorrow
they've laid me down here covered with mud & sand
now being a dead body is what i wouldn't understand !!!
De-moi-selle
2006-10-20 03:20:08 · 8 answers · asked by adorable 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
This is a pretty good poem but I do have one suggestion.
In the first line I think "The flying wind HAS taken everyone and gone" would be better.
If you like writing poetry try this site below, it's free to join and you will receive positive feedback and constructive critiques of your poems by other poets. It's a really cool site.
2006-10-20 03:30:23 · answer #1 · answered by Curious1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good.
The end needs tightening up. or perhaps try and find another way to describe that hollow feeling of breathing death that we can sometimes suffer.
2006-10-20 10:23:36 · answer #2 · answered by gideon9595 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love poetry, I think yours is good. I perfer love poems myself. Keep up the good work.
2006-10-20 10:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is interesting, but could scan a little better if you are open to a little criticism!
2006-10-20 10:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by Ichi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the aftermath of a tornado
2006-10-20 10:27:37 · answer #5 · answered by Eric C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does this mean? De-moi-selle
2006-10-20 10:22:59 · answer #6 · answered by ##$SoulStryker$## 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send it in to poetry.com. Deep
2006-10-20 10:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by cruisingalong 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad
2006-10-20 10:22:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋