i am a single mother and have just been informed that the father will get joint parental resposibility?

Question

But how can they let a man, who has been a vicious bully to myself, I have got over that, but more importantly his 4 year old son have any rights. The father is a regular cannibbis smoker, and yes it does lead to mental health issues. He didnt work for 4 years as he suffered from stress and severe anger management issues, which he never followed up the therapy offered to him. His son is scared and intimidated by him and screams if he tries to talk to him, I have tried to reason with my child about this but he simply states that he hates daddy and that his daddy is a naughty man. I am at a loss of what i can do to try and argue this issue, my solicitor has stated that he will get parental resposibility as he is not a rapist!!! Surely there must be something that I can do to try and protect my child? Anyone out there had some familiar dealings with this please any info would be grateful?

parental resposibility isnt custody by the way

ok heres the facts

I was with him for 9 years
I have never taken drugs
I have never bad mouthed his father in front of my son, i strongly disagree with people that do that
I am not asking for advice to gain something for myself, I am only trying to protect my child

Answer 1

If your child was born after 2003 and the father is named on the birth certificate, parental responsibility is automatically granted. If however, your child was born before 2003, and the mother and father were not married, the father is not automatically granted PR.

My daughter is nearly 9, and although her father is named on her birth certificate, he does not have parental responsibility.

During the course of a length court case in regards to access, my daughters father put forward his request to gain parental responsibility.

I contested due to his drug and alcohol abuse and the order was not granted.

It doesn't really stand for much in all fairness. It only means that the father (or mother whichever the case may be) has a say in the child's schooling etc.

If your ex is anything like my daughters father, I wouldn't worry too much!

Answer 2

This relates in part to the perversity of child custody law as applied by the courts. But it results in large part from the new statute on parental responsibility. A statute that is having unintended consequences, as all badly thought out statutes do, even when Parliament had good intentions. I assume your child was born after 1 December 2003: http://www.fnf.org.uk/pro.htm

However having PR does not mean that PR is exercised. Also, it could be terminated for cause and in the "best interests of the child". Unfortunately, it is not contingent upon the non-custodial parent paying child support or doing anything decent for the child -- except that there may be constructive abandonment.

You should be able to get advice from the Citizens Advice Bureau and from child welfare centers and charities.

Answer 3

Hi there

Okay, for your X to get Parental Responsibility, he has to apply to the court by filling in a Parental Responsibility Form, although if he is on the Birth Certificate, this does give him Parental Responsibility too, however this only means that he can take a part in decision making regarding health, schooling etc. Their is so much to say about this, so please have a look at the following link as this is a legal site regarding children, I'm sure it will help you a lot.

If however, your son has to go with his father, please do the following as this is what my friend has been told to do by her solicitor, to help at court if it deems necessary.

If your son gets distressed when going with his father, if possible use a camcorder with the date and time on, and record his behaviour leading up to when his father is going to pick him up.

Record it on paper too.

Also, record his behaviour when he returns, writing everything down, positive things as well as the negatives.

My friends son, is okay when he goes with his father, but is very distressed for a few days afterwards. So just remember to keep a diary and record his behaviour.

I wish you all the best and hope you get it sorted.

P.s. Your solicitor doesn't sound very helpful, Parental Responsiblity has nothing to do with being a Rapist, so I'm not sure why that statement was made to you.

Get yourself a new solicitor, and gather as much information and evidence as you came against him, should this go to court. I do believe a father should see their children, although my daughters father doesn't see her as he is too scared of his new partner, but I believe stronger that a child should be protected against certain things in life, and you have mentioned one of them in your question, and they are drugs. I would leave the country to protect my child. Your son should not feel the way he does at four, in my opinion this could cause more problems in later life as my friend is now discovering.

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Templates/Topic.asp?NodeID=89632

Answer 4

Lets go to the very start. Was your initial relationship developed through 'love' or 'lust'?. Some may say that it takes 'two to tango' and produce an offspring. Most encounters are borne through a heavy nights drinking. Now , how long did you know this fella?. Did you have any inclination about his 'habit' before the relationship started? He sound as if he cannot control himself and his anger , probably through drug-taking. He will be excessively paranoid too , not a good mix. I would not let him near you , or the child. Can you not go for a 'restraining order' against him. I know that the words 'social services' are 'bad' words to some people , but maybe that could be an avenue. They are not always 'against' families you know. Just an idea. Good luck for your future. I have no time for Junkies.

Answer 5

I too am a single parent my daughter is 8 years old, I left the father of my child in 1999.

We were together for a total of 3 years in the beginning it was lovely, once my daughter was born our relationship went down hill, although he did not physically abuse me he mentally abused me, he made me feel like I was worthless, he also allowed his brother to smoke cannabis around our 4 month old, when I found out I was livid, I confronted him about this but he sided with his brother.

I tried to stay in the relationship for the sake of my daughter, I wanted her to have the stable upbringing I had, but I was so unhappy I had to leave him.

I received many threatening phonecalls from him, saying he was going to take her away from me, I was so scared for my daughter and myself, I didn't know what to do. I received solicitors letters stating he wanted parental responsibility and to take her to London, I obviously sought legal advice who told me exactly the same thing as you, even if he was an axe murderer he would still have some rights but would have to have supervised contact.

I wanted to stop this for my own reasons I was scared and wanted to protect my daughter, I was told he could get parental responsibility, he wasn't responsible when we were together how could he be responsible now?

To cut an aweful long story short I had to be seen to be reasonable, as much as it hurt me I agreed to the supervised contact sessions at a centre near me there were supposed to be 9 he attended 3, after lots of correspondance back and forth between our solicitors it all faded out he got bored and even had the ordasity to say he doubted paternity. He pays nothing, no christmans presents, no birthday presents, no easter no nothing!

If you were not married as I wasn't he has to apply for Parental responsiblity it is not automatically granted.

I'm not saying the same thing will happen to you, and to be honest when I was going through this turmoil I just wanted to run away so he couldn't find us, I would have done anything to stop what was going on, my advice to you is first of all get the best solicitor you can and as hard as it will seem is to suggest supervised visits first before any parental responsibility is even considered, you want proof that he will be a responsible father not a selfish splif smoking ba5tard!

Please feel free to email me if you want to talk further.

Answer 6

Unfortunately you have to let it go. He will eventually get tired of having the child around and will make excuses as to why he can't see the baby and will want the baby to stay with you. The other side of that is he may want to break the schedule you and courts have arranged and will want to take him on off weeks. Do not BEND. Stay firm to the courts orders and if he wants it changed he can pay for the court fees to have the visitations changed. As long as you have the court orders on hand and ready to show the police if he starts trouble you should be fine.
It will all work itself out in the end but I know you can't see this yet.

Answer 7

they must have changed the law when me and my violent ex split he asked for parental responsibility and me not knowing what it meant let him,but it means if you wanted to move house you cannot without his say so,if you meet anyone in the future you cannot change your sons surname,if he changes school the father has to be notified,its nothing but trouble,but my ex proved to be a bad dad and beat and abused the kids when he had his access and i went back to court it took 2 years of fighting but then all he got was indirect contact and was not to ever contact the kids again only by letter from himself,ask your solicitor if your child can speak to a court welfare officer they will sit and speak to your son on his own they are really good and they can overturn a court decision.

Answer 8

Are you bitter towards your x b/f..I take it that he was a b/f and not a husband since you haven't mentioned it..not that it mater's..it looks you are very bitter ..if this man was a bully woman beater..illegal drug user..lazy not worked for 4 years...it means soon as you had your child he stopped working..
it's difficult to understand why you stayed with him all these years ...
Cut the long story short ..there is nothing you can do ...
for that mater nobody can stop your X from having
joint parental responsibilitys..unless you can prove he is
a danger to the child ..what he dose to him self ie take drugs..
be lazy .or beat his future partner ...those dose not stop him caring and being a good father to his child..
I seen a identical case to this..involving a family member
at first she was bitter ..but now it is working out just fantastic with both parents getting involved..both parents remarried ..so now the child has .dad.and step dad.mum and step mum..four parents that love him..
so forget what your x did to you ..let him be a good dad to your child..it will be better in the long run for the child
..if you keep this up you are heading for a no win situation..and even worst for your child ..

Answer 9

Sack your solicitor straight away, yeah he might be right about the rapist bit and so he will get perentall responsibility, but he should also recognise how scared you and your son are and should make it so the dad cant see his son without a social worker there when he visits. IF you have ever called the police on him, they will have it on records, if he has been arrested they can bring it up in court too. When he wants to see his son, tell him no and to go and see a solicitor and tell him to take you to court.

then when you get to court, or if he even bothers to take it to court, (he sounds like a dead beat dad) tell your solicitor to bring up all his VIOLENT convictions and tell the court of how he treated you. Tel them that someone can talk to your son and find out from him what "daddy" is like.

they will soon see and they will be on your side. But he automaticaly has responsibility these days as its the modern world now and it aint like it used to be, back in my mums day! na i mean. but your son will say it how it is, he is too young to lie and they will realise that, its not up to you or the "dad", its completly up to your son. just refuse to let him see yoru son and it will go back to court, and it WILL go your way TRUST ME. and if it dont go to court, less hassle for you.

Try and never let yoru son see the bad things taht happen between you and the dad yeah, it will scare him and mess his head up. My dad was violent to my mum for 10 years, my big bro saw some of that and now beats his own girlfirend. He has treid to get help, but is still trying, my dad messedup his life, dont let your son's dad do the same.

goodluck, samxx

Answer 10

It must be almost impossible to separate your unhappiness over your marriage and its subsequent dissolution from what is best for your son. Most of us marry with big dreams, and when those dreams are shattered, our emotions naturally run amok.

Your level of resentment appears to be very high at this point, and I can bet it's justified, but this is not what is going to make your son happy. This tug of war is going to tear your kid apart.

I am sorry for all your unhappiness, but there must be a way of moderating the events so that your son is not permanently scarred.