My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now. We've been together for almost everyday, living together, doing practically everything together. For the past couple months or so, we have been at each other's throats about anything and everything. Last night I told her that in order to get that "I miss you feeling" when we are apart... that we have to indeed BE apart occasionally for that to happen... *meaning spend more time away from eachother... not over do it, but at least a little*... She freaked out, got angry with me, took everything the wrong way and was being really distant and "hurt". Has anyone ever tried spending more time apart, in order to try and fix things? Suggestions? How do I make her realize that I wasn't trying to hurt her, just make things a little better....???
2006-10-20 01:25:40 · 6 answers · asked by llsoinlovell 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Everyone is entitled to some "me" time. You HAVE to have some "me" time in order to maintain some sanity. I would rephrase things to her and use small examples. Let her know it's ok for you to go run errands by yourself occasionally. This doesn't mean that you are packing your things and moving out! It's ok for you to go browse the bookstore for an hour without her. It's ok for you to go drive in your car by yourself with your stereo blasting at 50 decibels by yourself! This isn't an indication that the relationship is over or that you're cheating or that you can't stand to be around her. It's mentally healthy for you to have some time to yourself. It would be good for her too!!!
2006-10-20 03:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my ex (oh well...) and I first got together, he wanted to be with me constantly. As I began to realize I needed a little breathing room (my parents were married for eons and managed to keep outta' each others hair), I made the mistake (who knew?) of naively said " I need some space" (truly inlove, I just didn't want to see us sabotaged by overkill). You'd think I actually reeled back and socked the guy upside the head. People want honesty but aren't necessarily able to receive it. That term has been so overused as a way to ease out of a relationship that it's become the Goodbye Flag. Eventually I clarified what I meant (just time to do my tasks, chores, occasional social contact w/o having an immediate appointment with him before AND after), but he didn't seem to understand. Well, he said he understood, but apparently it wasn't acceptable, because nothing changed and the feeling of suffocation began to rise again.
You know what? Start writing. Express every concern, perspective, impression, intention, motive, etc. Share your writing with your mate, and, what the heck, pray a little first.
Best wishes for a smoother future.
2006-10-20 02:40:16 · answer #2 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get together with her today, bring her some flowers and chocolate. Sit in a quite place and tell her your sorry. Then explain how your feeling. If she is a little needy, then separation may not be the answer. If she is very independent, then the separation may be good. It is a very tough call, only you and her can make that decision. Sometimes spending some quality time together on a weekend get away will solve most of your issues.
2006-10-20 01:32:51 · answer #3 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner and I have managed to stay together and monogomous, for ten years because we have interests that actually take us away from each other for short periods of time, but often enough to make sure we're not in each other's hair all the time.
We love each other very much, but we both know that we individually need our own lives.
She's into American Civil War Reenactment, while I'm an artist and go off to Artist retreats.
Her interest takes her away more frequently, but mine takes me away for longer periods.
When we come home, we better appreciate what we have.
I sometimes wish my son's girlfriend would see how well this actually works and would give my son more "breathing room."
2006-10-20 02:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by DEATH 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are going to be okay. You are desiring change, and change is not always a bad thing. God bless But I do know that if my husband came home and said I want to be apart so I can love you more I would be upset, too. You probably want out but don't know how to say it.
2006-10-20 01:34:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to be more honest with yourself about the reasons you want to distance yourself. You are experiencing a lack of communication and if you don't get a handle on it, your relationship is over. Perhaps that's what she picked up on.
2006-10-20 03:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋