I have just read the findings of a survey that the older the man the younger the partner he seeks. If this is true, I would like to hear from men as to what would make them throw away 20 years of marriage, split up their family, cause a lot of heartache just to be with someone younger? I am older than my husband and have found out he has been cheating with a younger woman. Considering the odds, should I cut my losses now and end our marriage or hang on hoping that we can rebuild some trust? Although I love my husband very much and we have been through a lot together, I am worried to waste my precious years as I am already 54 but my husband is only 41. I realise that people cheat for lots of reasons, but I would be interested to hear from men as to what they think. By the way I look young for my age, keep myself trim and am attractive, but I don't suppose that matters really, the fact remains I am older than him full stop.
2006-10-20
01:13:22
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14 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although, I am not a man I agree with you that men fool around for a variety of reasons. However, there are problems in the relationship long before a man has the affair. A man will often fool around with another woman NOT because of how she looks but because of HOW he feels about HIMSELF when he is with her. You can never change the age difference. That is just as true today as it was the day you married him. If it is a factor now, it is only because he can use it as an excuse to justify his infidelity.
Cheating is grounds for divorce. It is okay for you to forgive him but he has to show sincere remorse. Just saying he's sorry isn't enough. If you don't feel he truly regrets it ; then free yourself. You are still a vital woman and can find happiness without this particular lying,cheating,untrustworthy,backstabbing,conniving,user, in your life.
2006-10-20 01:24:09
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answer #1
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answered by GrnApl 6
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I was in a similar situation but....in a reverse standpoint. I was 24 years old and dating a man 20 years older then me. I know that sounds pretty gross too, but.....the fact I was younger and it seems that nowadays men want younger to make them feel younger. This man still cheated on me. I gave him the world and everything about me too. Some men are locked into these patterns that they can't get out of and continue to cheat with other women. Some men just cheat, because they are looking for something different. What you need to do....is divorce his ***. Once a cheater always a cheater. Trust no longer exist in your marriage. That is hard to gain back. Life is short. Move on!!
2006-10-20 02:37:20
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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I have seen men cheating their wives now and then, but are not committed to others. They come back to their wives because they know the wife is there waiting for him at home. Best way is to have a long frank and fearless talk. This will give out his intentions whether he wants a long term relationship with you or somebody else. If BOTH of you love each other then the marriage succeeds. If he does not like you or does not want to have sex with you for any reason, then he is just searching for these things outside marriage. There are so many possibilities, so the best way to solve the problem is to talk face to face or through common friends, relatives, etc.Wish you luck.
2006-10-20 01:36:32
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answer #3
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answered by Sam 2
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hello. sorry to hear about your trouble. as a man, let me first say, men are dogs. Yes, they love their wives but first remember men are dogs. anyone shows us the least bit of attention and we run after fresh meat. it builds our ego. When a man whose been married a while sees a younger woman, even if she's not so good looking, he's interested. because we are idiots. not because you are old and she is young. because the ego says, maybe I could get that. Sometimes I'm surprised people stay married because that cheating temptation is so strong in guys.
I don't think your age is the issue. find people you love and trust, who are married a long time. talk to them. seek Godly council. sometimes men stray, only to realize what they left behind and want to come back. it's up to you to decide if you want the dog back. Stop worrying about being 54. I'm 54 and not even on oxygen yet. peace out girl! frankie C.
2006-10-20 01:29:14
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answer #4
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answered by frankiechocolate 3
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It may be doomed but not because of your age. Don't do what most women do, and that is make yourself the "fall guy" because of someone else's irresponsible or selfish behavior. Don't do it. He's cheating because he wants to cheat, not because of your age. I feel for you, because I am 43 and I think at 54 would I want to be putting up with that, but I'm all about cutting my losses as painful as it is sometimes because you've got to have a code in life, you let people cross the line and not hold them accountable for their actions, folks get a free ride at your expense. But then, I am a very loyal person and deceit doesn't sit well with me. Not to mention, these are the times for people to play Russian Roulette with your life. . especially with all the STD's/AIDS. . . .there are certain things I'll deal with. . and. . cheating ain't one.
2006-10-20 02:09:11
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answer #5
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answered by Cris 5
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The age difference is not the problem. Your husband cheated and there is nothing you could have done to stop it. If your husband is willing to work on saving your marraige then go for it. If he doesnt want to then divorce him. It takes a lot of hard work to rebuild trust and it takes both. Good Luck!
2006-10-20 01:26:10
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answer #6
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answered by mnwomen 7
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men cheat because men cheat....has nothing to do with the age difference....if you have been married for twenty years and he has never cheated before this i would say it has nothing to do with the age difference now...if you really love him and want to keep this marriage together than yes i would try to rebuild the trust...but it takes two to make or break a marriage
2006-10-20 01:26:49
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answer #7
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answered by Sherry 2
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Some guys cheat because they are looking for something outside the marriage they cannot find inside the marriage.
He may have spoken to you of these needs, but either did not communicate well or felt he was ignored. (It doesn't matter if he was ignored or only felt he was ignored; perception is a beast)
I suggest counseling before you decide to erase the whole thing
2006-10-20 01:16:43
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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my girlfriend is 29, i was 21 on monday. we have no problems been going out just gone 2 years. we love each other thats all that counts.
i understand i not been tho what u have.
so no i dont think it because of the age.
if he cheating he is a fool. full stop!!!!!
no man should ever cheat. if he not happy he should just be honest with you. no need to cheat!!!!!
i really fill sorry for u
xxx
2006-10-20 01:21:36
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answer #9
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answered by alan h 3
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he probably would have cheated anyway if he was the older one and you were the younger one when y'all got married. Question now is, are you happy to live with the situation as it is now or would you be happier being away from it. i.e. which one makes you happy the most. if youre on planet earth and you aint happy, you might as well be dead. everyone has a right to back away from whatever brings them sadness. you only have one life. maximise the amount of happiness you get from it.
2006-10-20 01:19:58
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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