how do i reassure my insecure boyfriend i love him and want to be with him more than anything after unintentionally giving him the impression he's not what i'm looking for. i've sat him down and apologised on many occasions and explained why i'm with him and that i do love him. neither of us thinks it feels right to finish it and we dont want to split up but we cant see a way through this, he says my reassurances dont hold water cos of wot i've previously said through sheer inconsiderateness on my part? seriously need help here, we talk about it all the time and we're both honest with each other about how we feel. help me lovely people!
2006-10-20 00:38:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
how can it be right to walk away when neither of us wants that? i want to be with him and he does me. when we're together we're fine, this occures when he goes home as he lives hundred miles away, its not feasable to live together either
2006-10-20 00:50:48 · update #1
ole marble! thank you! he is a perfectionist, and he did think our relationship would be perfect and it shocked him when he realised it wouldn't be as nothing is.
2006-10-20 00:54:52 · update #2
He needs to deal with his insecurities, find out why he is always feeling the way the does. This may be an event in his past, it may be he was constantly belittled as a child, it could be any number of things.
One question, is he a perfectionist? Does he do things well but never as well as "he" wanted them to? This too can be a source of insecurity.
It isn't your job to constantly reassure him of your feelings. It sounds like you have good lines of communications, but are you really understanding what each other is saying?
Men and women can speak the same language, but misinterpret what is being said. If one or the other doesn't fully understand then try mirroring back the conversation.
When you do this, use the "I" condition. For example, he says something, your not totally sure what he means so mirror back, "what I hear you saying is _______. It takes practice, but it can put you on the same page when working through an issue.
2006-10-20 00:48:36 · answer #1 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's difficult.
Obviously you two have to make a concious decision whether you want to stay together or split up. By the looks of it you have done that.
You can't to any more but reassure him about your feelings for him and once he commits to staying with you (as it seems to be down to him really) he needs to leave the past behind him and look to the future.
There is no point for him to keep dragging it up, it'll cause arguements and heartache. He needs to let go and you two need to make a clean cut and start afresh and let time prove that you two do love eachother and want to be together.
Tell him, if he makes that decision though to stay with you, he needs to drop it, for his sake and for yours.
Perhaps you can have a weekend break together, if that's not possible, just be romantic, go with the christmas flow, enjoy the christmas atmosphere.
Only time will tell.
2006-10-20 00:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by nicoled2408 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you both sure your being honest with each other? or are you both trying to find a way to finish without hurting each other?
What did you say to cause this much insecurity?
If you both truely want to move on then you have apologised enough there is nothing more you can say or do.
He has to either accept your apology or move on.
If you both let this subject carry on it will definately spilt you up.
Tell him you cannot say or do anymore. If you both trust each other you can move on. He will still feel a little hurt but if you love each other he will move on.
Good luck
2006-10-20 00:58:57 · answer #3 · answered by multiflowercolour 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you've done everything you can you cant keep on saying sorry you didnt mean what you said so he should accept that maybe try find out why hes so insecure thats more than likely where the problem lies and properly has nothing to do with you maybe its from another relationship and hes still carrying it good luck hope it all works out for you's!
2006-10-20 00:47:09 · answer #4 · answered by keevy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had this problem with my hubby before we got married it drove me nuts nothing makes any difference.
the thing i did was talk to a mate who said mine did it once then after i kept getting at him he stopped but we did have to find the time to really talk about it?
try it i did do something nice for him then talk to him about your feelings on the matter it helps be on your own together and tell him that your worse case maybe you leave him. talk?
2006-10-20 01:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by queen west 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its time to call it quits. Theres only so much you can do. Maybe he's not what your looking for , and you both know it. Sometimes its hard to let go, but necessary. If you can't be happy with someone, get rid of em.
2006-10-20 00:46:27 · answer #6 · answered by penelope 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh crikey
sounds bad babes, there is pain and heart ache in your futures, by christmas you will be in a better position to see what is happening....
if need be you may have to walk away and be strong about it, but wait and see what happens in next few weeks...
peace be with you
2006-10-20 00:43:35 · answer #7 · answered by kt_sub2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop sh*gging his mates might be a good starting point !
2006-10-20 02:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by nicemanvery 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAYBE its best you do separate .JUST let him see what he has.
2006-10-20 00:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋