decieds to go to collage in anouther town, has his own apartment. Joined a co'ed fraternity. Stop coming home as much, rarely calls and has become secertive. Doesn't tell anyone he is married with 3 children. I think he does this to try and fit in with the younger crowd. Asked me not to check his bank account or look in his email account. He says he needs his privacy. Then he ask me for money! I have my ideas but I want to hear what you guys think.
2006-10-19 22:55:56 · 29 answers · asked by betty_htch 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am divorced but my girlfriend has this problem.
2006-10-20 18:15:14 · update #1
Tell him there is nothing wrong with going to college, BUT,
He is not 18- he is married w/ 3 kids act that way!
I went back to college, finished a degree at 40
there were a lot of older students that tried to act 18!
2006-10-19 23:02:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
this is so blatantly obvious i almost don't believe you....but i'll give you the benefit of the doubt. he's doing things he has no business doing. whether or not he actually cheated already, only he knows....but my guess is that he already has. even if he hasn't, he will eventually if he continues to live the life you described. there is no easy way to confront a person about cheating. if you still have the desire to save the relationship, i would recommend talking openly about it with him. tell him how you feel, why you suspect and also tell him firmly that if he doesn't show an interest in addressing your concerns....you're leaving.
i've been through something like this before. it's one thing for a person to screw up and make mistakes, but at the same time show remorse and try to improve themselves. you can be patient and work with someone like that.
it's a completely different situation when a person doesn't even care that they are hurting you and brushes off your concern as if you're just paranoid. this person obviously doesn't even care that you are hurt and/or suspect.
you need to figure out which one your husband is.
good luck
2006-10-20 06:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by im_your_huckleberry111 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a marriage anymore - it is all about him and his dreams and his wishes - sounds like he is craving the single life again. I don't like it. Any guy who becomes secretive, gets an apartment and stops coming home as much - whether he has gone back to school or not - is suspicious behavior. You may have to consider the fact that he is probably cheating. You may also need to think about the possibility of moving on from him - you and your children don't need this.
2006-10-20 06:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get your own bank account with your own name on it, his name not on there anywhere.
Don't give him any cash. If he's not helping to take care of the kids, he can get a job while taking college courses. I've done it for years and survived nicely. He can also get extra student loans to help with expenses... which would work out better for you because the loans will be in his name only, so if he maxes that out, and say, you two get divorced, then he is the only one paying it back, not you. Just my two cents
2006-10-20 06:09:51 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is definitely having an affair and it is not fair for him to go back to college and abandon his wife and family. I strongly suggest you take your 3 kids along and move in to his apartment. DON"T give him any money. What right does he have to ask you for money yet ask you not to check his bank account and his email account. YOu are his wife you have all the right in the world to check anything if you want to. If he doesn't want you to stay with him, it's time to divorce him. If you don't want to divorce him, then stay put in his apartment and don't move out.
Remember this......he is trying to ABANDON YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. Fight for your life.
2006-10-21 12:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he missed out on having a wild adolescence, and is trying to get through phase now. Sounds that unless you do something you will start drifting apart more and more. Why not just up and move to the town he is in, sell your house and buy one near his student digs so you can save on renting the appartment. At least visit him regularly where he is. If it is close enough to drive go for a weekend and stay at least in a motel if you can't stay in his flat.
2006-10-20 06:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by Chris C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he's left you. He wants to be young and carefree again and is willing to sacrifice his marriage & family to make himself feel good. I think there is more to it than trying to fit in with the younger crowd. Find someone to watch your children for a weekend and give him a suprise visit. That should help ypu find out what is really going on.
2006-10-20 10:22:20 · answer #7 · answered by Hallon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters don't give him any money.. if he wants to be out and prentending to be single with all the other kids. he is going to have to do like the other kids. get a job and pay his own way.. why should you have to suport his butt because he wants to go through a second child hood.
tell him if he don't have time for you and the kids that you don't have money to spend on him out in the world playing his games..
secrets do not do well in a marriage. if you don't trust him tell him so.. altleast you don't have to kick him out he already has his own apartment and stuff. find a lawyer and dump his playboy butt. Take care of your children and get on with your life.. with someone that cares. good luck..
don't pay for his playing around..you need all your money to suport your children.
2006-10-20 06:05:01 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be wondering what is up, something is not right here. You need to talk to him about this and tell him your worries. He can want to act young like all those people if he wants, but it is a little late for that, he has responsibilities. I would find out what is going on. The co-ed thing is really bothersome. Good luck!
2006-10-20 13:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is reliving his youth. Along with that, he wants to hook up with as many women as he can along the way. If women know he is married, he will be less attractive to them. He has a bachelor pad, love nest set up there for other women. Maybe you can go decorate his apartment while he is in class, with pictures of you and the kids. He is on the prowl.
2006-10-20 07:13:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋