My husband married a healthy,attractive woman.I had an accident 15 months ago and now I'm paraplegic.He's my love,he's my rock.But I can feel he's at the end of his emotional resources.
If I ask him wether he feels short-changed or not,he says he loves me.But let's face it:we are young,he's a 31 year old healthy man married to a paraplegic woman.He should have more of a life.
We used to do so many great things together.Now he's the provider,the caretaker,the father of the year.He's fed up but he won't admit it.
Yes, we have sex,I have memories and fantasies,but I'm a damn rubber doll:I can't move my legs and I can't feel anything.
I don't want him to hate me.There's no visible progress whatsoever.
Would you stay with a boring,helpless and angry woman
2006-10-19 21:07:07 · 15 answers · asked by Soledad Mendez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your last sentence says it all. Boring, helpless and angry. You need to work on that by not being angry as it doesn't do a bit of good. You are not helpless because it's just your legs that are affected. There are many things you can do with both arms. Even work at a job if you have a wheelchair. You need to develop yourself to your highest potential and both of you will be satisfied and happy.
2006-10-19 21:13:34 · answer #1 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Begin by accepting the ccondition u r in, definately hard, may need a friend/ccounsellor to help u through this. Utilise what u have, can have occupational therapy n be able to do something, maybe a job, try t resume tha things u used to do work, if u hav a wheel chair go out as well. It will take time but can be worked on, ur husband trully loves u n yes he would love to stay with u! Now try to make the most of what u have n u will both be happy
2006-10-19 21:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by aasweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Soledad,
Have you spoke to your husband about how your feeling? I mean speaking, not yelling or fighting, but just talking to one another. Because, your putting words in his mouth by assuming that he is fed up with the woman that he loves, just because she is a paraplegic now. I think you would be really surprised at how he really feels about the situation that you are both in now. Because, this isn't just about you, it is about both of you. You have alot to deal with emotionally, physically, and mentally. He too has alot to deal with emotionally, physcially and mentally. The thing is, you both need to be dealing with this together as a couple. What your feeling is normal Soledad. You want him to move on with his life. And your hating the world right now. Not only that, your hating just to hate. If that makes any sense. And yes being a caretaker of a loved one, takes alot. He is going to need to take care of himself so he can take care of you. What I mean is, he needs some time to himself too. Not because your a burden but because he needs a breather too. And 15 months is not very long for the both of you to work on this together. It is going to take years. And Soledad, he knows your not boring, or helpless, but you are angry. And that is understandable, but your wasting precious energy being angry. Work through the anger, and make it a positive outcome. There are paraplegic organizations that do provide support. You would have to check those out in your area. They would also help your husband find resources to help him too. Your husband needs you more than you realize Soledad. Don't push him away. Not when he loves you so much.
2006-10-19 21:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These guys pretty much say it all, don't they ??!!
ALLLLLL of us have lots of work to do on ourselves.........I suggest you begin some really intense work on you and your marriage this weekend. Get some stuff out into the open. Try to open up about any trust issues and worthiness issues that you have been hiding. If you two can't seem to get it right just between the two of you.....try to visit a councilor soon.
!5 months is about right for your running out of patience with the old paridigm in place... .......but with different circumstances, now.
If he says he is doing OK...... try NOT to second guess him. Just ask him for his honesty and support. Not trusting him to make up his OWN mind on some very difficult decisions will undermine his compassion and empathy he surely has for you. Let him tell you what he wants to........and let him help you the way he helps you. Any doubts you have will come out sooner or later..... and this is too soon to give up.
Try to create a NEW life built around your few limitations and
your yet-to-be- discovered NEW talents and interests.
As you begin to get your stuff together .... find some kids and younger adults and begin helping THEM...... showing them the ropes may be the best "therapy" you can get.
After you get your family-life back in good order.......and get your son rewarding YOU with the Mom-of-the- Year award you can begin to re-adjust your future plans based on the new-you.
BE SURE to find a good physical therapist group so you can keep your body toned and healthy. Study the medical literature like crazy for new techniques and procedures to make your recovery faster and/or more complete. Find some Yoga or similar meditative practices to help keep your mind and body clear...... and maybe even to help you find more sensual satisfaction with the faculties you have now and will help hone and develop later. Research and read about how other women have utilized their sensory abilities that they have left after a similar accident.
A word of caution..... just because you feel singled-out and devastated for yourself and your husband and son DON'T think that nothing "worse" will happen after this....... life is ever-changing. The most PRACTICAL reason to get your stuff together NOW is because LIFE won't stop happening after this....... both the good AND the bad things and
circumstances !!!!
So..... try to clear all of the garbage and dirty-laundry out of your life and your heart/mind....... try to get you, your body and your family onto the right track of healing and understanding. Get everybody pulling for some common goals........
Then get ready for what's next..... it may be something easy and fun..... it may be something still more painful and difficult.
It's LIFE out here....... let's LIVE it.
2006-10-26 03:14:15 · answer #4 · answered by TeaSwami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He married you for better or worse in sickness and health. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and pushing him away. Don't focus on what you've lost or encourage him to. Don't encourage him to feel sorry for himself. Start building on what you have left. Let him live up to the vows he made. Be the best wife you can be under the circustances. Try to develop some interests or purpose that you and he can share. If he's fed up and won't admit it and you are boring helpless and angry you might benefit from some counseling. Plenty of people have lived rewarding lives in spite of dreadful losses and severe handicaps. Get on with it.
2006-10-19 21:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by Lleh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on. You make yourself angry, boring and helpless. Says who a cripple can't live life up? Marriage life is not just about happy sex. You know he's vex but he's not admitting it?? Have you really sit down and talk it out with him? He told you he loves you, then jus pls just bear that in mind. If you still doubt him after 15 months, I would say you are making him more miserable. When you guys got married, vows taken and he is not forgetting the vows he made to you. Finally, if he were to hate you, he don't have to keep himself with you til today...
2006-10-19 21:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by mummyBlur 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your situation. Is that you on that picture there? How pretty indeed. I can imagine how much your husband loves you. What he is doing for you is something you would do for him, too, if he was in your situation. I cannot even comprehend what you guys have to deal with and most of all what you have to deal with emotionally. Appreciate him and thank God that you guys still have each other. May I ask you this? Do you think that your husband would ever think for a second that you were better off dead? I don't think so. His life would have been much worst without you.
God bless.
2006-10-19 21:15:29 · answer #7 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my dear sweet child, you are not a boring helpless woman, your Husband Loves you for who you are, Love isn't just about Sex, he loves you with all his heart, if he didn't love you he wouldn't of stayed with you after your accident, he would of gone then, of course he is going to feel fed up, its only natural, he probably feels to blame, or feels useless that he cant help you, he is probably hurting inside just as much as you do, you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel, and tell him to tell you how he is feeling, its not just you who had this accident, if you think about it sweetheart, he did too, a part of him (you) has changed for life and its probably very hard for him to talk to you about it, but there is one thing for sure, and one thing that I know for certain, and that is that he loves you, you have to let him have his off days, its his only way to cope with all this, talk to him you will both be very surprised at what you both have to say to one another, but what ever you do, do not shut him out, Love bares all things endures all things, remember that, you are a very pretty women, your wheelchair cant take that away from you can it, If I may suggest, why don't you pamper yourself, have a new hair do or go and buy some new clothes, it always works, and tell your Husband with all your heart that you love him, he will appreciate hearing that from you, but don't be negative, be positive, I almost died 2 years ago with Cancer, and I stayed positive, and I'm still around to tell my story, after a huge Operation and Treatment, I am now in Remission, and I love life now, I wish you both Luck for your future. Take care, and remember to love yourself too.
2006-10-19 21:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by hotbabes_tracey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't stay with an angry woman.
I'd stay with a hot number like you though.
It's his decision not yours.
By the way. I think that maybe you are looking for the easy way out and possibly will hate the hell out of yourself more if you did let him go.
If you are so worried about his love life, let him get it on with other women. Join in if you can.... eh... forget that last part. I'm a pervert.
2006-10-19 21:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by cruddypantz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are really putting yourself down. he stays with you because he truely loves you believe what he says until he gives you a reason not to believe. there are still many things you can do together. also get someone to stay with you while he goes out with the guys every now and then.
try to be more upbeat i know its got to be hard in your condition but let the old you come back out a smile and if he sees you with a positive attitude this will help. but don't give up!!!
2006-10-19 22:07:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋