How would you deal with finding out your mom had an affair on your dad after 30+years of marriage?

Question

I heard of a situation where the father found his wife having an affair for about 2 months, after 30+ years of marriage. How would you feel towards your mom.. and what advice do you have to start healing? Serious answers only please, this is a sensitive subject.

makin trax, I realize that its "none of my business" but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I have no problems listening but I would like to have an understanding and also be able to move on. My dad has started to forgive but now drinking like crazy to "deal/ignore" the situation. I think he has started to back off of the drinking but he has taken this hard.

Thank you for your advice and opinions on this, sometimes a outsider has a better view.

Answer 1

I would loose repect for my mom.

Answer 2

I would be disappointed and questioning my mother's morals and values. I would not take her seriously anymore on any advice she gives on relationship, religion nor other topics as she wouldn't of pratice what she preached. That is how I would feel in the heat of the moment. I am pretty good at knowing what I would feel on things in that degree.

I would be mad for awhile. No doubt. Then I would keep in mind. She is sitll my mother. I don't have to like the choices she makes nor the things she does. I still will love her and find ways to guide into a healthy situation again. Whether that is counseling or inviting a third unbiased person to help.

I would want to know what made her so unhappy to have an affair and what things we can fix as a family unit and on her own (soul searching).

It is your business. A child does have business, even as an adult as parents are the ones setting the example. There has to be a lot of trust. There is a lot of concern and why's to be answered.

Answer 3

My dad did the same to my mom after about the same amount of time. You go through almost the same feelings as death. I was so angry with my dad, and to this day I still have very little to do with him. But after the anger came the realization that things happen for a reason, some you may actually had seen a long time ago but never paid any attention. My mom is/was all for her kids and my dad lost out on the time and affection my mom spent on us. Affairs and divorce I think is harder when you are an adult dealing with it because you know what it takes to make a success full relationship and all too often you know what part of your parents marriage failed.

Answer 4

While the affair between your adult parents is none of your business I do understand that you would still feel hurt by this. You need to get help outside of your relationship with your parents in regards to your feelings towards it. Maybe later talk to your mom but understand that she doesn't have to answer to you about it because it's her relationship and though you are an adult you are still her daughter. I wouldn't be mad at either one of my parents or take sides because I know that although an affair is wrong, your mother probably had her own reasons.

Answer 5

I'm sorry you're going through this....and I'm sorry your father is going through this. Look, I am quite certain that your mom is having one of the most difficult times of her life right now. She knew it was wrong, she knew if she was found out many people would be hurt, and yet she proceeded to have the affair....could be for lots of reasons, the need to feel loved again, the need to be touched and told how much she means, to feel young and free, to escape from.....who knows what....

I know that you and your father feel like victims....but your mom is going through hell too....that don't make it right, I just telling you that it probably was almost as difficult for her. Honey, there is NO story that only has one side......I feel for all three of you and wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

i really feel for you thats a hard situation to be in and you
probally feel very angry/hurt by your moms actions. i would go to her and ask her straight on why at least you
would be able to get a little closer on this. it sounds like your dad needs alot of support right now he may need to talk with a counselor/minister/priest and let his feelings come out he is only avoiding the pain by drinking. and you as well need someone you trust to confide in that can be objective it will take time to heal and forgive but in time you will be able to move on. good luck and god bless

Answer 7

I realise it sucks.. But its their relationship...not yours.. the sooner you realise that the better. People make mistakes, people make thier own choices. The worst thing you could do in this situation is take sides with one parent or the other. And if either parent tries to make you do so.... tell them that you love them both equally and you will not tunr againsed one or the other no matter what your oppinions on the situation may be. This is hard enough for them already without having to worry about who has more of your love...

Answer 8

First of all I would advice you that before you judge somebody for mistakes put yourself in their place. Do you know exactly what family life is? what relations had your mother and father? maybe it's not only your mothers fault that she had feelings for somebody else, but it's because your father did not give her what woman want from man -I don't want you to misunderstand me, I don't mean only intimate relations, there is much more - to feel that you are loved, somebody cares about you, respect and much more! One more thing, think why this affair lasted only for 2 months... I think that your mother has decided that she needed her family and that's why she left this "other" person and maybe she did this even for "you" not because of your father. We are all human beings, you never know what you will come to in life, you may be married and fall in love with somebody else - but there is one thing I respect in what you told me - SHE SAID NO TO SOMETHING THAT SHE WANTED BECAUSE OF THE VALUES SHE HAS IN LIFE!!!

Answer 9

hi, some times the humman do things in a time he dont know how or why he did it am not saying that your mom is right no she is complatly wrong but you cant blame her for every thing but you have to blame your father too becaues he is a part of it your mom didnt find what she need with your father and your father didnt care so she did what she did, about you you have to show her respect becaues she is complatly damaged from inside so you have to be beside her not in the otherside like all human do,becaues your mother is ill now so you have 2 be beside her and know why she did it and try not to do it i hope i anwered your questions

Answer 10

I can see where you would be hurt because in a way that a form of betrayal to you too. But remember, that's between your mother and father and you shouldn't get involved. I am sure that there were reasons for it in her own way. As far as healing, i know its easier said then tdone , but put it in th epast and start fresh. If you don't you will never get passed this situaton. I would be angry with my mother if she did this out of lack of responsibility.

Answer 11

I would really be hurting for my dad. I would be upset with my mom too. But I think I would try to let it all go. It is between the two of them 30 years witht he same person.....we dont know what that is like. There isn't anything you can do to make it better. Its all up to them. I would be there for each of them to talk to but I would avoid giving too much of my own advice they know more about it then you and they can work out what is needed to happen now you just need to be there for support and dont take sides. I know you want to be pissed at your mom but you need to avoid loosing your temper with her. Its got to be tearing her up in many ways to.