She found out he had been texting another woman and it opened up a whole can of worms! Turns out he's never been faithful for the entire 6 years they have been together, he uses class A drugs, knocks her about, claims the child they have is not his, lies about the amount of money he earns, refuses to be home in time to look after the child so she can go to work, he pulls her job down and doesn't like her to work even though he never gives her a penny! He even said he wouldn't mind getting in her sisters pants and she refuses to see all this and accused the person who told her of stirring it. Do I force the issue and make her see sense or should I just leave it till it blows up in her face and just be there to pick up the pieces?
I have sat and talked to her at some length about it previously but it tends to go in one ear and out the other!
Any advice please?
2006-10-19 18:47:11 · 17 answers · asked by wickedwitch_76 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
she wouldn't believe it if she walked into a room with him and 3 other woman all caught him the act because she isn't ready to see it it sounds like her self esteem has been destroyed to the point she believes without him she is nothing might be time to just step back and lose the friendship but let her know when he is gone your back in her life in any way she needs it cause she will need it and u better mean it when you say it
2006-10-19 18:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by Den P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would not mind getting in my old ladys sisters pants either but as far as the other stuff goes it sounds like he treats her pretty bad and some people just tend to put up with that type behavior from others for reasons that only they will ever truely know. Be a good friend and just be there when she needs you and be careful when you talk to someone about the way they decide to live their life. Hope everything turns out Ok. Oh... just kiddin about the sister in law.
2006-10-20 01:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by 3DDD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not get involved.
If your friend cannot understand what she is being told, there may be some sick enjoyment that she gains from her experiences. However she may just be comforted by the domination that her B/F offers (some deep rooted feelings you and I will never understand).
If you want your friend to be your friend stand well back and leave alone. But if you feel your friendship is strong enough, and her hurt is your hurt, give her an ultimatum.
Tell her you can not stand by and watch her being abused, cause it hurts you, and thus you do not want any part in her life until she sorts her self out.
I know this sounds harsh, but maybe in the long term if she feels she is being the puppet for herself, she will soon realise what you as a caring friend want, for her to be happy.
2006-10-20 02:10:54 · answer #3 · answered by kirsun10 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be there as a good friend and pick up the pieces. But if you feel the child is endanger please get involved.. The child is more important than the 2 adults. If you feel that the guy is using around the child get welfare and the cops involved Too many kids are getting hurt or killed because of drug use. She will thank you later down the road for it... She will see it sooner or later
2006-10-20 02:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by cockednlocked38 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want her to be fully aware of what her b/f is up too get all the proof you can first. Once you tell her she may not accept it at first, she may even hate you. It takes time for the truth to sink in but when it does it may be too late that's when she is going to need you. Let her know she can turn to you whatever happens.
If you want to take a safer approach let her know you will always be there for her.
If someone had told me what my ex was like they could have saved me years of misery.
2006-10-20 02:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by John T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one thing you can do, and that is tell her, if you try to force the truth down her throat you will end up pushing her away. What she needs is to have somebody she can rely on when it doies go badly wrong, and from the sounds of it, it will. Make sure that she always feels safe and not judged when she is with you, and then she might turn to you when it does go wrong.
2006-10-20 04:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by break 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know someone who is in a very similar situation, but he told her after her mother had treatment for cancer , that he hoped she die a painfull death, she fellout with him, but then 2 weeks later shes back with him, we have told her time and time again but she just wont take it on board, now she has no friends, her family dont want anything to do with her, i say leave her alone completely and when something bad happens ( this way she will see for herself) she might see sense, trust me all the pleading in the world will not make see sense. Be there for her when she does ....
2006-10-20 02:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by bunnykins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be careful when getting involved with relationships because if you tell her to leave she might blame you and he certainly will even though you have her best intrest at heart.
Just keep supporting her and maybe drop a few hints now and again about finding someone bettter.
what a nice friend you are
Good Luck I hope she sees sense
Jeff
2006-10-20 02:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by JEFF K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a sticky situation. I think she does see it, but is to scared to do something about it. How could she not know! She may be afraid of losing him, or afraid of being alone. Sounds like she has a low self esteem. The best thing you could do, is not rub it in how bad he is, but help her build up her self esteem. So eventually she will feel strong enough to stand up to him and leave! Just be as supportive as you can.
2006-10-20 01:53:11 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Suki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never criticise someone elses partner just be there for her she obviously is either very much in love or very needy or scared but for whatever reason is not ready to leave him only she can make this decision you just have to give her support criticise him and she may dump you as a friend
2006-10-20 02:53:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋