My marriage is so almost over?

Question

We have been together for 81/2 years and it has all been tumultous. We are almost obsessed with each other, well at least we were. I have just come out of a major depression and my husband and I fight all the time, I know it was hard but it is over. The other day it got so bad he insulted my body, telling me nobody else would want it. Well tonight i was feeling sick (I have a cold) and we were supposed to go out. He almost killed us in a car accident and as it was happening I screamed at him. I told him I screamed because I was scared but he was angry. He told me he is sick of being married to me and I should file divorce papers. He then continued on our destination and I asked to go home. He wondered why and I explained it was because he just told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore (DUH) but he freaked out, drove home like a maniac and left. He says he wants a divorce and now I feel lost. Anything would help........

Answer 1

I was gonna attempt to add my two cents but you already got some really good answers now it's up to you to put them to good use.

I guess all that's left is to wish you good luck.

Answer 2

I am truly sorry to hear this. Your husband seems to be having some major problems right now. And it is affecting you to the point of depression. Maybe instead of taking the step of divorce, why don't you just take a seperation for a while. Maybe give him and your self sometime to recover, and see if he will miss you or want you back. When he speeds while he is driving you places, this can be dangerous. He is not thinking rationally right now. Do you feel that maybe he is going through something at work, that he can't tell you about? Sometimes men take things out on women because we are the closes to them. Talk to him in a calm way, and ask him to be truthful with you, and tell you why he wants a divorce? You deserve to know. I think you need to care about yourself right now. Depression is a serious thing and it could get worse, if you don't get some help. You are worth it. It may seem like your world is coming to an end right now. But be strong, you will overcome this in time.
Try your best not to fight with your husband, this will only make it harder for you in the long run. And you will have a hard time to resolve the problem. Talk to a family member about your depression or someone you can trust. Even a doctor. If in the long run, you can't settle the matter, for your safety and health, let him get the divorce if he wants it. You could find peace and happiness again, just don't give up.

Answer 3

People say things when they are angry that they don't really mean. Give him a little time to cool down and I'm sure he will come and say he is sorry. But if he is serious about it, yall should think about trying to save the marriage and go to couseling. I wouldn't give up until you have atleast tried. Depression is hard on everyone. He probably is totally stressed from you being in a major depression. Even though it's over, as you say, he may be worried it will happen again. Best to talk things out calmly in the future. yelling at each other doesn't solve anything at all.

Answer 4

Yes you have been given some good advice here.
Communication isnt just about throwing out a whole lot of who done what or said what to the other cos pretty soon one becomes so snowed under with hurtful words, that nobody seems to remember just where the breakdown began.
The first step is for ONE partner to stop doing what it isTHEY are doing wrong.Never mind the other person for now.
When a relationship of long standing begins to disintegrate, it is most likely that a pattern of responding one to another has become an impassable obstacle, and our genderless ego's look more at laying blame than owning our own inabilities to deal with what is happening.
Only fools try to repair what they cannot fix with the same tools they use to break/damage/or destroy. The tools are our words.
You need outside help either way...but for you first and you and he second.
You may find you are not the person you think you are....How is your self esteem.
It sounds like love drowning alone

Answer 5

WOW that really hit home for me i am so sorry to here this is happening to you too. My husband and i are in the same place 7 years married for 2 he doesnt respect me doesnt say i love you nothing i have been diagnosed with deep depression since our son was born in july 05 and i cant afford my meds and it is causing huge fights we both work all the time just to pay our rent and when we do see each other we fight over money house work taking care of our son (he doesnt help at all) my son goes to work with me everyday just hang in there go to the doctor get some meds give yourselves a little time apart and see how things work it will be very hard being apart try to work it out any way you can i am very sorry God Bless

Answer 6

Hmm. Love strange stupid deal. I am married too and we fight that badly too. Though we love each other some days(weeks) we are better off alone. You should take a vacation, just you alone. That's what I plan to do this Christmas. I am sick and tired off all this fighting. Try to enhance you spirits by putting some distance between you and your mad husband. I am sure he doesn't want to lose you, he may be just very mad. Before anything else you should try to inverse the roles, tell him you are leaving him and that it is over. If in a week he doesn't react that means he may want to divorce you for real but he wants you to make the steps. I feel sorry for you, I know how much that can hurt.

Answer 7

All couples go through this period when they both feel very self conscious and worried and everything at once. They end up taking it out on each other. My husband and I are going through it right now. Just analyze your feelings for him. If you think you want to not be together anymore, ask yourself how you'd feel without him.
Ask him if he thinks it's worth saving. Would he be willing to try couples counseling first? Or is he wanting to just quit and throw away what you had? Talk to him extensively about this before either of you make the decision on your own.

Answer 8

It sounds like your husband might be as confused as you... tell him that you do not want a divorce and that you'd like to work things out. Find a marriage counselor (maybe a pastor if you go to church) and tell him that you've made an appointment. If he is interested in saving the marriage (and he might be reluctant to admit there is a problem), then tell him that you'd like him to show up. Go to the counselor. If he doesn't show, that is okay - maybe you need to talk to the counselor anyways... but it sounds like your husband is "begging" you to do the dirty deed of filing. If he wants a divorce, let him file. Maybe a separation at this point might be good for both of you. Give yourself a chance to heal from your recent depression....and find out who you really are and what it is YOU want in life... maybe if you heal, your husband will see that you are trying to make things right in your own life instead of changing him... if you want your marriage to survive, maybe it is worth a try.

Answer 9

it sounds like the relationship has always been one having trouble, try to figure out what caused it to get that way in the first place, and ask your self if it can be repaired or not., if it cant then pick up the pieces and start over, but tell him you don't blame him or yourself but both of you, because it looks like your both at fault. marriage is giving and taking, until their is a meeting of the minds and hearts and souls., i don't feel from your type that you have ever reached that point. i wish you all the best and g l

Answer 10

Have you guys tried counseling? You are playing the classic game of "come closer, go away." Either you will play it until one of you gets hurt, or you will still have the same problems a year from now. Talk to a professional who can meditate a solution to either stay or leave, but stop being toxic to each other.

Answer 11

OK...there's more to it.think about any isues you both have...any major ones??? first get some counseling. spend some time apart. 1-3 months will do. if you still want the divorce do it but there may be some dust settling right now. I wish you the best of luck.