How can i get over him when Im having his baby in less than 2 weeks?

Question

I have been with this guy for over 2 years, we are both 19. I became pregnant almost 9 months ago (my due date is any day now)...and a month ago he just left me for good, because he said we were ruining eachothers lives...Ever since i became pregnant, he has not coming home to me,cheating, drinking, going to jail for DUIs, and treating me so horrible, why do i still love him, why do i think about him every second of the day and i am so depressed being alone and about to have this baby girl. my mom tries to keep my happy, she let me move back home, but i miss sleeping in his arms everynight. Its been 10 days since ive called him.....and i called him today and he was just like dont call me it makes it worse for you.so ive been crying ever since.... Is it not hard for him??? how do i not call him...how can i get over him when i only see my future with him. I wanna be strong for my baby...but these feelings of rejection are just breaking me down, i cant even talk without crying.

Answer 1

Hi!

My heart goes out to you. I got married when I was 18 and had my first child when I was 20 years young and by the time I was 22 I had 3 children. I'm now 47 yrs young.

Honey,
I think that he is scared and he doesn't know how to react and how to feel. I think that he's freaking out but I wonder if he has ulterative motives.
He may be trying to get out of paying child support and he's going crazy wondering how he's going to support this child.

You keep thinking about him because you still love him and you're having his baby, my gosh.
Congradulations!
He doesn't sound very responsible and is very immature. He obviously wants to date around and not claim this child as his own so he doesn't have to have anything to do with it and he can have his own life.
If he's cheating on you, sweety he's not worth it and you'd be better without him. If he were to come back still immature he'd more than likely still be cheating.
Take it from somebody who's been there and done that-25 years of misery to a man who has abused me in any and every way that there is.
His mother said that we were too young to get married. He was too young but I wasn't because I was mature and took the responsibilities better.
A man freaks out, gets upset and worried how he is going to feed the baby.
My husband became even more of a workaholic after we had children trying to provide.

Many times the man will leave once the woman gets pregnant. She was good enough to have sex with but when the going got tough out they skip and when they're not running out physically sometimes they leave emotionally, spiritually and mentally. They're there but they are not.
They are there physically but forget anything else.
Their mind isn't on you and/or the child.

Often one or the other couple thinks that a child will ruin the relationship and often times it does.
Many men get jealous when the baby comes because the partner is spending more time with the baby then them. Duh!
The men can fend for themselves, the baby is dependant on you and it's self-centeredness on their parts to think that. I know that they get hurt and miss the way that it used to be between you both and that the baby is taking a lot of your time and time away from the relationship.
However, relationships aren't supposed to a competition and this isn't a race.
The time has to be scheduled to spend time together, you can't be as spontaneous as before but you can still spend time together. It's just different now but not over.
The man should be happy that he has a child like him and is genetically attached and he should be proud of his spouse and respect her for having his child. But oftentimes they don't and when the going gets tough they get going and split unfortunately.

My spouse stayed the 25 years and provided well but wasn't there for me nor my kids all of those years emotionally, spirtually, mentally and really not physically in many ways.

Your Mom is a dear and her heart is breaking for you as mine would be if one of my kids were in that situation. She doesn't know what to say or do. Her heart goes out to you as does mine.

You're not alone as long as you have Jesus and your Mother. What more do you need really.
There is nothing that you and God can't handle together.

It's hard when you've been sleeping with someone for a long period of time and suddenly you're without. It's strange waking up alone with nobody next to you.
When you have your child the child will be next to you so that's something to look forward to.
It makes it worse for you? What about him?
I think that it makes it worse for him also but he just won't admit it. Men have this thing called "Pride".
Just ask God to help you to become strong and think about how he's treating you. Would you really want to have a relationship with someone who treats you like crap and will not be there for you every step of the way in life and will make you and your child so miserable you'd wish that he'd leave? Trust me, it can always get worse and he could resort to abuse if he feels trapped and smothered. Physical and/or sexual abuse are bad enough and then there's the emotional scars. The physical wounds go away but what replaces it is the mental scars which are a lot harder to deal with and can take years, lots of counseling, treatment for post-partum stress disorder on top of your post-partum depression from having the baby and believe me, you don't want to go there.
Take it from somebody who has.
Try and fight the impulse to not call and over time it gets easier believe me.

When you're young people think that there is nobody else for them and they'll never find someone else who can make them feel the way that the other has and will love them like that again. If that's love I wouldn't want to see hate.
Honey, when I was young like you nobody could tell me anything.

I had the world at my feet and I was going to take control of my life and handle it myself without anybody's help but the older people are more wiser I learned and they make a lot of sense and can help keep you from a lot of heartaches and getting into bad relationships, trouble, etc. and can become a friend that you can confide in who will give you another prospective on life and help you make good mature decisions that will be the best thing for you and your child.

You're never get over him in one respect because every time you look at that child you'll think of him but you learn to move on and get on with your life as best as you know how for the baby's sake.
You're a good woman and there is a good man out there who would take you as his girlfriend/bride and help you raise your child with a Father who will love it and support it well.
The younger you are the easier it is to find a man.
When you get to be my age it's harder. Men my age are experienced at everything including lying, cheating, disrespecting and taking you for granted.

Your future is not with the father obviously and maybe it shouldn't be if he's not much a father.
A man can make a baby but that's not what makes him a father. Being a Father is having responsibility and loving the child, caring for it, treasuring it and loving it more than life itself.
It's been said that for a child to grow and flourish is to have just one adult who is madly in love with the child in a non-sexual way but one who loves it more than they do themselves and protects them and cares for them and does for them like they would for themself or much better.

Your future is with the father who would be a caring, supporting father maybe not the physical father who made him but one who would think of the child as one of his and treat it accordingly.
Being a father is much more than making babies and being a mother is much more than dropping them out but you are a very mature, loving and will be a good mother and will be a prime candidate for a wonderful man one day and if God wills it it will be so.
If you're meant to meet someone on the other end of the world and God wanted you together he will find somehow, someplace and somewhere to meet and you will know that you're meant to be together and that He had his hand on your meeting.

I can understand how you might feel, honey. Rejection is heart breaking. While I've never been in your situation that way, I've been rejected many times and have had much heartbreak.

Try and build yourself up every day with positive things about yourself and for every negative replace it with a positive and after awhile you'll be thinking nothing but positive thoughts. It works, honey. I've tried it.
Is there anywhere you can get counseling to help you through this sorrow? Talking here helps too.

It's good to get counseling now before you have the baby because you'll probably be experiencing post-partum depression which will make you worse so now is the time to get a handle on it.

I do know after many counselors of my own that it helps tremendously to keep a journal to get it all out on paper and when you're feeling down and out and missing the father, you can pull the journal out and remember why you shouldn't be together and it really puts things in prospective.

You must do what's right for the baby and if that means being without the real Father so be it and one day hopefully soon God will bless you with an even better Father for your child. Put it in his hand and God willing just maybe. Let Go...Let God but in his time not ours and his will not mine.

You're going to make it and you'll come out the stronger for it and will make better decisions now that you've gone through this.
The decisions that you'll make from now on will be ones that will involve your baby and being the wonderful mother that you will be I'm confident that you will make the best decisions with God's help. Jesus loves you and so do I and I will pray for you every day. God is with you and longs to communicate with each and everyone of us his
"Children of God" . You don't have to pray just talk to him and that is prayer.

If you'd like to talk to be some more and you want to continue a dialog I'd love to communicate more. You need all the support that you can get now. You can reach me at: [e-mail].

I have 3 grown children of my own-26, 27 and 28 years old and so I'm a little experienced about this and maybe can offer you some insight.

It is my prayer that you'll have the kind of happy life that I know is out there for you if you make the right decisions for your future depends on it not to mention the child's.
The decisions that you make today will definately affect your future and the path that you go down.
We decide our future when we're young and we live our life accordingly following a certain direction. We can always slow down, halt and change directions at any time but sometimes life becomes like a rolling snow ball and life sometimes is like rolling out of control. We can take the reins and halt the direction and start over again if we're willing, if our health allows and if our circumstances warrants it.

Know that as you age your body doesn't like to cooperate as much as it does when you're young so now is the time to set your course in the direction that you want to sail your ship and take the wheel and take control and sail toward brighter days, sunshine and happiness all the days of your life and head your ship in the direction of the sunset always going toward the horizon of life. Enjoy life to the fullest never looking back and try and make the least amt. of regrets and guilt as possible. You'll never be able to get rid of it total because it's called life but try and make as few of them as possible so that when you're old and gray you won't have as much to regret.

Take the bull by the horns, put away the sorrows of today, look toward tomorrow with brighter sunshiny days and the best years of your life.
You will attract men with the best attitude and positiveness that you can portray and men will be attracted to your zest for life, great attitude, nice personality and positive nature.

I wish you the best that life has to offer. I will pray without ceasing for you. There is nothing that you and God can't handle together and He will be in that labor and delivering way and will bring you comfort and consolation in the trying time.
He will give you peace and happiness of having a beautiful baby and will bring you the best joy that you'll ever experience and that is the joy of Jesus celebrating along with you.
Jesus will be there wrapping his arms around you, comforting you and giving you strength and will be there afterwards to rejoice in your happiness.

With Him in your life what else do you need to get you through life for he will supply all of your needs, not always your wants but every single one of your needs without ceasing and you will have a lot of them with a child.

God bless you strong Child of God. May Jesus be with you. God loves you and so do I and peace, love, joy and happiness be with you all the days of your life. Much luck in labor and I'll pray that you have a short labor and as stress free as possible. Lord knows you've been through enough already. The Lord is looking down and smiling on you for one thing for having the baby and not abandoning it. You're strong, you've proved it already because you're not throwing your arms up and walking away and are being strong and responsible. Bless you, my dear.

Love,
Michelle

Answer 2

It's hard to get over someone you love and it will take some time. You need to be strong, especially at this time since you will be giving birth to a baby who will be depending on you.

You do not need a man who will treat you horribly. Stay away as much from him as possible and surround yourself with your family and friends and try to stay positive. It seems as if your mom really cares about you by taking you back home and such and stick by her since you will need her more than ever at this time.

Believe it or not, you will get through this. There is a light at the tunnel. It will just take a bit of time.

Answer 3

It might not be worth very much but you are probably better off without the jerk. He is a mess and you have to think about about your child. Do you really want someone like that influencing you childs development. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right and actually care about your baby. By the way just because he is gone, doesn't mean he doesn't have responsibilities. He HAS to pay child support.

Answer 4

It's easier said than done, but in all honesty, you should get rid of him. I dated someone who was kind of the same in ways- making me feel miserable more than not. It's not healthy for you to feel that way. You need someone who will treat you right, and you will find that some day, just give it time. My grandma actually told me- you will find someone when you least expect it. It really did happen for me too! Get support from your family for now. One thing about myself- I knew in my heart how bad my ex was treating me, and I knew i needed to get away, I just had to let myself do it. Once I did, and later met my husband now, I wondered why I wasted 4 yrs of my life chasing after my ex. It's very hard to let go of someone you really loved, but if you don't it won't be healthy for you or your baby. One other thing I did to try to help myself- write down alll the negatives about your ex... and positives too.... then write down everything you want in a man, and you will see, that the important things that you need in your life isn't what your ex will give you.

Hope this helps some, be happy- you will be blessed with a new baby soon- they really are amazing!

Answer 5

sweetie, it should be the happiest time in your life, but it seems jerk doesn't want to be included. Oh well... you'll meet a great guy for yourself and a daddy for your little girl, just keep hope and prayer. If I'd be you, I'll seek a legal advice as well, make sure the jerk will never come close to your baby and jeopardize your and her happiness. As for loneliness.. guys like him become wife-beaters out of hatred for the partner, is that you future? Don't put yourself and a baby in danger. Listen your your mom, seems she knows what to do. our moms are our best friends forever and ever don't forget that.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 6

The fact that you are having his baby will probably forever have you and him linked. Stop thinking about the man that is acting out in very destructive ways. The fact that he left you and said to you that you are ruining eachothers lives, really means, that he is trying to protect you and your child from his ruining your lives. Stay away, love yourself, the right man will come along. Believe me, I went through three years of a very destructive relationship when I was your age and it helped me see that in this world there are people that are in it for themselves and nobody else. Love yourself and your child, keep away from his destructive life. You deserve better, you will be thankful soon. God Bless You.

Answer 7

He's in panic mode and has realized soon he'll be a dad and he's not ready for it. Unfortunately for you I cant see him sticking around after the birth. Soon your baby will be taking up your time and eventually you'll find a decent guy to help raise your child. Good luck. Your better off without him,even though I understand your pain.

Answer 8

Let me say your body is going through some changes ,hopefully after you have the little one you'll 4get about for awhile until you are able to get yourself 2gether.But sounds like he's going to always be around if this is his baby.Be strong ma it get's better with time.And all that ol ill s h i t he's putting you through you're allowing it.Last time I checked you wasn't in the car with him when he get's pulled over.Relax and chill and get ready for baby mom you'll be just fine.

Answer 9

it's so tuff when someone treats you like crap, but be strong you need to keep in mind that you are strong and i can do this every step of the way, i would also recommend talking to someone who deals with depression before and after you have the baby.

Answer 10

he just might be overwhelmed and he just don't know how to deal with it give him some space believe me once he sees his beautiful baby girl he will realize that there is where he belongs... i know its stressful but you have to think of your baby, she feels everything you feel so try to relax and take it one day at a time. he will be back if not there are plenty of good men out there that will be there for you. whatever you do don't tell him that he cant see his daughter because all you going to do is push him away even more. good luck

Answer 11

you deserve better move on and be happy you are living with your parents. your exboyfriend needs to grow up. you dont want him in you and your new soon to be baby girls life. i think you will be more depressed if you get back together with him. he is trouble that is all and you dont need a new baby to be around someone like that.