Ok, here's the situation. I have this "friend with benifits", but I am realizing more and more everyday that I am completely in love with him. I drop subtle hints all the time that I am interested in an actual relationships but he doesn't get it or he is just ignoring the signs. I'm worried that if I tell him how I feel our friendship will be ruined. My instinct tells me to follow my heart and tell him how I feel. Is there any other advice that you would like to give me?
2006-10-19 17:01:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Stop dropping hints and just get it in the open. Mind readers only exist on TV. If he feels the same - he'll reciprocate - if not - there are other fish in the sea
2006-10-19 17:04:36 · answer #1 · answered by Robert C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was the headline of your question that got me here, Ernie, and now I have to stay and answer. I don't want to answer, but I'm here and I have to. Just like you and falling in love. Stop the subtle hints and tell your guy that you are getting very attached to him and you want something serious. If you go on seeing him without acknowledging your feelings, you will make yourself crazy. Er.
You've complicated it by having too much sex before talking about love. Your feelings were probably apparent to you after the first time you were together. That's the time for subtle. That ship has sailed, dear. Tell him.
There's an old song by the Clash
Darlin' you've got to let me know
should I stay or should I go...
2006-10-20 00:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by anyone 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ernie W,
There is always risk involved with getting what you really want. The decision is yours to make.
Here's another angle:
You love him. Stop dropping hints if at all humanly possible. Also, it's important to really get an idea of what his perspective is as far as WHY he behaves as he does.
Your mission:
1) Understand him. See what it is that he sees.
2) Love him. You know what you do is different when you love. He will notice too. He has something holding him back. Refer to 1). What is it?
2006-10-20 04:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there ErnieW
Look at your situation right now, - you are in love with your friend but have no actual relationship with him.
Now; Tell him your gay and want to have an actual relationship with him.
If he rejects you, then you will be in love with him but have no relationship ( sound familiar)
If he accepts you then whoopee. What have you got to lose eh?
And take my advice dont ever do it over alcohol, thats weak. If he accepts it when hes drunk, he may hate you and blame you for seducing him when he gets sober.
Just do it up front over coffee or similar, some place where you are together and alone.
Also make sure that if he says he's not gay, and if he rejects the idea, that's ok with you,. and you wont bring it up again .
Good luck Ernie and I hope it works out for you.
2006-10-20 00:30:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, your "friendship" is already kind of ruined as you've blurred the line. You two can never be friends again because you're never going to look at each other the same way again.
Just admit it to him, the worse thing that can happen is a rejection and you can ALWAYS bounce back. By not telling him, you're just prolonging your pain.
I have only had one friend with benefits and I admitted my feelings to him after like a month or two of fooling around and it's been over a year that we've been seeing each other.
2006-10-20 00:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think you already know the answer. I am sure you can feel what he response would be. I know whenever I have been in that situation I just know if they are feeling it, or if it is just a booty call thing. If your heart is telling you something go with that. The heart doesnt lie.
2006-10-20 10:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by j3572h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he doesn't get the hints or ignoring the signs, then he is probably not interested in more
2006-10-20 05:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by Spyder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have been dropping hints, and he is not picking them up, sounds like this might not be an oversight on his part
take it slow, enjoy what you have,
relationships and F*CK buddies last as long as they are suppose to, not one minute more
enjoy what you have, and relax
2006-10-20 00:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by Matt Z 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
IF YOUR FRIEND HAS NOT RESPONDED BY YOUR SUBTLE HINTS MY GUESS IS THAT HE IS NOT INTO OR READY FOR A COMMITMENT. TAKE IT FOR WHAT ITS WORTH OR MOVE ON. YOU MAY ONLY GET HURT IN THE END.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-20 00:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by sammi girls mom 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Click on my avatar and read the 4TH question down that i asked in lesbian & gay the other night, and that will answer your question...Oh, and answer my question 4 me?
2006-10-20 00:29:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋